sophieunderscore
01-10-13, 09:43
Hello Everyone,
I haven't posted here for a long time, but have been using the chatroom frequently as I am going through a rough patch at the moment.
In August my dad got a new job in London and told me that he and mum would be renting a flat over there and that I could stay in the family home. After he told me I began having thoughts about the future and death and getting really anxious. Then I began to doubt my 6 year relationship with my boyfriend was the right thing. And then almost obsessive thoughts about what would happen when my parents die, how would I cope, I'm so reliant on them!
Anyway, over the past month these thoughts have gotten worse and worse. My relationship ended as my boyfriend couldn't cope with my depression and anxiety and I had been pushing him away, saying we should split up etc. My parents have now moved away, and although they're only away for a week this time, this will increase soon. At the same time as all of this is happening I am unsure about what to do about the full time PhD I am being funded for. I have been doing it for 12 months today, and have had 5 months off already due to anxiety. I haven't enjoyed the topic since I started and I feel like it is the root of all my problems. However, I'm scared to leave as I don't know what else I will do.
At the moment I feel like I am just trying to make it through each day and wake up the next morning. I can't stop thinking about death and how terrifying it is, and how everything seems so pointless if it could end any second. I have no real friends, just some people I meet up with once or twice a year because they live so far away. I am completely reliant on my mum for company and I am terrified that I will never become independent from her and my dad and will just fall apart when they die. I'm scared I will be single and alone forever. I'm 25 and I feel like my time is running out and I'm so scared.
Sorry for this big rambly post but I just needed to get it all out.
I haven't posted here for a long time, but have been using the chatroom frequently as I am going through a rough patch at the moment.
In August my dad got a new job in London and told me that he and mum would be renting a flat over there and that I could stay in the family home. After he told me I began having thoughts about the future and death and getting really anxious. Then I began to doubt my 6 year relationship with my boyfriend was the right thing. And then almost obsessive thoughts about what would happen when my parents die, how would I cope, I'm so reliant on them!
Anyway, over the past month these thoughts have gotten worse and worse. My relationship ended as my boyfriend couldn't cope with my depression and anxiety and I had been pushing him away, saying we should split up etc. My parents have now moved away, and although they're only away for a week this time, this will increase soon. At the same time as all of this is happening I am unsure about what to do about the full time PhD I am being funded for. I have been doing it for 12 months today, and have had 5 months off already due to anxiety. I haven't enjoyed the topic since I started and I feel like it is the root of all my problems. However, I'm scared to leave as I don't know what else I will do.
At the moment I feel like I am just trying to make it through each day and wake up the next morning. I can't stop thinking about death and how terrifying it is, and how everything seems so pointless if it could end any second. I have no real friends, just some people I meet up with once or twice a year because they live so far away. I am completely reliant on my mum for company and I am terrified that I will never become independent from her and my dad and will just fall apart when they die. I'm scared I will be single and alone forever. I'm 25 and I feel like my time is running out and I'm so scared.
Sorry for this big rambly post but I just needed to get it all out.