Explosion At Psych...No Lithium

[Edward_1980]

Today's appointment with Dr. Kirrane, Dr. Natasha, Christine and Markus went dreadful. I was in a foul and depressing mood when I didn't see Aeneas around. I've decided that he abandoned me and I am furious. I asked where he is now so I could speak to him and they said they couldn't tell me, only that he is in another district. It was awful. Christine is great, don't get me wrong, but I've come to realize that it's Aeneas I need, despite our differences. I was nearly crying and didn't want to open up about it to Dr. Natasha because I blame her for attempting Suicide one day after being discharged from the Psychiatric ward a few weeks ago. She also said today that I'm a different person every time she sees me, which only added to my annoyance.

As if things couldn't get bad enough (I was feeling truly awful and depressed), the inevitable subject came up. Yes, you guessed it, Lithium. I didn't want to have anything to do with it, but Dr. Kirrane was absolutely hell bent on having the discussion. I had to hold onto Mark I got so frightened. I was reasonably calm before I went in because I had taken half a 0.5mg Xanax, but that soon wore off with the pressure of the appointment. I just felt a rush of panic shoot up through my body as she changed the subject (A different person indeed, yeah right Dr. Natasha) to the Lithium. Dr. Kirrane explained that it works wonders in stabilizing the excessive highs and lows that come with Bipolar. I was angry. (If Aeneas was here he's put a stop to them making me miserable and talking about a medication that I refuse to go on) I don't want to go on that drug. She said that she believes that the 500mg Seroquel isn't doing it's intended job and keeping my moods on an evil keel and that the Lithium, replacing the Seroquel, would be a great idea.

I tried to explain that I am frightened of Lithium because of how harsh it is on the Liver and the regular blood tests. She wasn't happy. She, quite annoyed, said that I am not getting any better in the year and a half that I have been with their services and that my hospital admissions are becoming too frequent (I remember being in the HD unit a few weeks ago and my favourite nurse Una said the same things and that my highs and lows were so much that she was frightened for me). I agree the hospital admissions are frequent, but it is my choice not to go on Lithium. I got so anxious and fed up that I stood up, told Mark to get the car around and told Dr. Kirrane that I am fed up and quitting treatment.

[bernie1977]

Well one thing is obvious, the seroquel isn't working for you. Did you ask if there was an alternative to lithium that you could try?

I don't understand why you're feeling like that about Aeneas as from what you've said in the past he always used to upset you and cause problems. Give this new lady a chance. You know you can't quit care as you'll be in a right mess.

[Edward_1980]

It's not about that Bernie. I'm feeling depressed and abandoned. Why doesn't anyone realize that. Oh darn it, I give up. I'm sick to death of trying to explain myself.

[bernie1977]

I'll leave you to it then Edward I was trying to help but as i'm not medically trained I don't have an understanding of your mood swings and why you attack people who only want to help.

[Edward_1980]

I'm not attacking you Bernie. I'm just saying that I'm very sad and feeling abandoned by Aeneas. Dr. Kirrane says it's the Borderline kicking in and making me feel this way. I'm so sorry Bernie. You've been a good friend to me and the last thing I would want to do is to upset you. It's just a horrible day and I'm hormonal like always on the first day I get the injection. I'm all over the place. My moods are fluctuating like crazy. One minute I'm anxious, the next raging with anger, the next crying with depression. I took a blade to my arms to cut, but instead I rang Christine and she is coming out at 3pm to help me. I'm so sorry Bernie. Please forgive me.

---------- Post added at 13:04 ---------- Previous post was at 13:01 ----------

Auntie, if you look at the above post please before you come on rushing and attacking me.

[AuntieMoosie]

Well done for coming back and apologising and explaining yourself to Bernie Edward :)

I had just posted a reply asking you to do just that, I've deleted it now, as you've done it off of your own back, which is lovely :)

Sometimes it's best if we just allow ourselves a bit of time before we respond. I know that rational thinking goes out the window if we're feeling depressed or angry, that's why a bit of "chilling" time first it best :)

I hope that Christine is helpful to you today. Remember though Edward, we have to give people a fair shot, change is sometimes difficult, but try and keep your mind open to new faces and new ideas :hugs:

---------- Post added at 13:10 ---------- Previous post was at 13:08 ----------

Edward I was deleting my reply and typing a new one to you at the same time, I can only go as fast as I can go. And, please, I was NOT attacking you!!

[Edward_1980]

I didn't mean to hurt Bernie Auntie. If you see the way we interact on the Forum you can see that we've become good friends. Not only do we use the Forum, but we also ring and txt each other all the time. I never meant to hurt anyone today. I was angry over Aeneas and I had absolutely no right to pick it out on Bernie. I'm holding my hands up and genuinely apologizing publicly Auntie.

I'm actually looking forward to Christine to call out. I've been cleaning for her visit. I really like her.

[AuntieMoosie]

Well said Edward :)

Right, let's just forget about our misunderstanding now, it's sorted and that's good :)

I really hope that you find Christine helpful, she may prove to be much more helpful and supportive than Aeneas was and that would be really good for you, please let us know how you get on :hugs:

[Edward_1980]

I didn't mean to offend you either Auntie. I hope we're good. Well, better get ready for Christine. Talk later :)

---------- Post added at 16:07 ---------- Previous post was at 14:49 ----------

We, that was OK, but I'm lifeless. Have an appointment with my Doctor at 7pn so hoping he can write me a letter for me to go in for a while. Feeling like I can't cope with the world right now. All the emotions I had today (Anger, Depression, High Spirits, Rage) have settled in a depression. Christine reckons that the Doctor will admit me.

[Fishmanpa]

]We, that was OK, but I'm lifeless. Have an appointment with my Doctor at 7pm so hoping he can write me a letter for me to go in for a while. Feeling like I can't cope with the world right now. All the emotions I had today (Anger, Depression, High Spirits, Rage) have settled in a depression. Christine reckons that the Doctor will admit me.

Edward,

I've read your posts and commented on one previously. Of all the members on this forum, you're situation appears to be the most serious. I had recommended hospitalization previously and I see this as the only way to gain control over the demons that plague you.

I hope you take no offense to my post but as an outsider to your mind and reading your posts, I see it as essential. Again, you have a partner and doctors that care for you and there is enough of you there to realize something is critically wrong. I surely hope you get the care you need and deserve.

Best wishes, positive thoughts and prayers.

[AuntieMoosie]

Oh I'm sorry to hear that things have got this bad for you Edward.

I hope all goes well for you if you are admitted and that they get your medication sorted out and right for you.

Do please let us all know how you get on :hugs:

[Barnabas75]

Pulling for you Edward.Really hoping and praying things will turn for the better.greg

[bernie1977]

I hope we hear from you soon Edward so we know what's happening. As you can see a lot of people care and want the best for you.

Hope you're ok :hugs::hugs:

[Edward_1980]

Update:

Hi guys,

After spending all night in A&E I had a good talk with the on call Psychiatrist. I raged, cried and babbled. I really opened up about Aeneas. I know now that it's guilt and not depression I feel over his departure. I wasn't given any update to the medication because he couldn't do anything without checking it with Dr. Kirrane first. I feel so much better after talking with him. He really was a gentle soul and not one of those moody Psychs who are constantly rushing and not giving the time like they are supposed to.

Today I feel good. I have arranged a meeting with Christine, Mark and Dr. Kirrane tomorrow in Roselawn and have agreed to go on Lithium. I just want to stop Rapid Cycling. I know I'm doing the rght thing.

Thank you so much for the concern guys. You don't know how much I appreciate it. I'm sorry if I scared anyone.

[Magic]

All the best Edward. Hope you get on to the right medication
Lots Love:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Edward_1980]

Thanks Magic

It has felt like a lifetime of different meds, but they may be on the right track at last. The only thing that is frustrating is that it takes so long because they can only change one thing at a time. But, I'll get there and they'll find the right cocktail.

Hugs and best wishes :hugs:

[AuntieMoosie]

It's all fine Edward, you haven't scared anyone :)

I'm glad that you now feel better having had a good chat to the doctor in A&E :)

I do agree that it's good to give Lithium a go, I know it's scary, I hate having my medications altered in any way, but I'm sure it will all go smoothly and you have all of us on here to support you on the way :) :hugs:

[Edward_1980]

Hiya Auntie,

So glad I didn't scare anyone.

I feel so "Light" today if you know what I mean?

I'm delight I have you guys support. You don't know what that means to me:hugs:

[Barnabas75]

Good to hear you are better today Edward.

[Edward_1980]

Good to hear you are better today Edward.

Thanks Greg. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder.

[Barnabas75]

Thats good news.Throw those weights off Edward.

[Edward_1980]

Thanks Greg. Feel so much better today, but a little anxious about my meeting this afternoon. :)

[Barnabas75]

You have been to many meeting and made it through.Sometimes the hard way but you made it.This is just one more hurdle.You are much stronger than you realize Edward.Keep us posted.

[Edward_1980]

Thanks Greg. Of course I will keep you all posted.

[Kim51]

Good luck for your meeting xx

[Edward_1980]

Thanks Kim.

I'm feeling a bit apprehensive now to be honest.

I have it all planned out.

I'm going to meet with Dr. Kirrane today at 4pm in Roselawn for a chat and to get my Lithium prescription and get it filled at the Pharmacy. I'm not going to take it today although. I'm too anxious yet about it and I know if I do take it, it will only bring on a Panic attack.

Christine is coming out tomorrow for tea at 3pm so I'm going to take my first one there while she is with me as to reduce my anxiety.

And Lindsay pointed out, I have to keep my appointments for blood tests, so the dates are going into my Journal.

[AuntieMoosie]

How's it going Edward?? :hugs:

[Edward_1980]

Hi Auntie,

I went along to Roselawn as promised and got my prescription. 200mg for two weeks and have to book a blood test with my GP for next week too. It all ended well. I apologized for storming out on Tuesday and I got my prescription.

[Barnabas75]

Will be thinking of you today.Hope this is the beginning of a new chapter Edward.

[Edward_1980]

Thank you so much. Just waiting for Christine now at £pm and I'll take the first pill. Onwards and upwards hopefully. I don't want to sound like I'm pitying myself, but I deserve a break from mania and rapid cycling. Hopefully now the Lithium will help a bit Xx

[Barnabas75]

:yesyes:

[Edward_1980]

:yesyes:

:yesyes:

OK, when I first took it yesterday I had to lay down because my heart was banging and my head was dizzy. I txt Bernie because I was terrified, but as they kicked in they really lifted my mood up. I really don't know why I was hell bent against them at the beginning when they were suggested to me. This is great stuff.

[Kim51]

Glad to hear it worked long may it continue x

[Barnabas75]

Very glad to hear this news.

[bernie1977]

That's good news Edward! I think those feelings may have been anxiety about taking a new drug. Good luck for today x

[Edward_1980]

That's good news Edward! I think those feelings may have been anxiety about taking a new drug. Good luck for today x

I agree 100% Bernie. Thanks for the support yesterday. I really needed it :hugs:

[bernie1977]

You're welcome :D

[Edward_1980]

You're welcome :D

You're the best :D:hugs:

Now. I have seven people coming to a dinner party tonight. I have so much to do. I prepared Banderillas, Bread Sticks, Homemade Garlic Mayonnaise, Mexican Chili Con Carne and I am about to bake a Double Chocolate Mississippi Mud Cake to serve as Desert. A selection of Non alcoholic Cocktails are being prepared for the guests to have when they arrive at 7.30 PM.

I am so thankful for Lithium, Xanax and Bromazepam. I should be stressed to the core, but I took a few to help me through all the preparation. I hope tonight goes well. The guests, apart from one, seem OK with it being a Non Alcoholic event.

[bernie1977]

You keep your Gaviscon close at and after all that spicy and rich food!! Seriously have a good night xx

[Edward_1980]

Dinner Party cancelled.

I want no part of it. I had a huge argument with my partner and threw the mud cake out the window. Now he says I'm out of control. Well, he can have his f****** party without me. I'll be here and going to the quiz at 9pm.

[Magic]

Oh dear Edward, Sorry things have gone all wrong.
I was thinking the dinner party would be ok.
May be to soon??
Try to make it up- and gorge the food yourselves:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[bernie1977]

Bloody hell Edward it's hard to keep up with your goings on sometimes!

I hope you've managed to resolve things and you still have your friends over x

[Edward_1980]

Things were resolved guys and I made a lovely evening out of it :)

[bernie1977]

Glad you sorted things and had a good night x

[Edward_1980]

Glad you sorted things and had a good night x

I txt you earlier Bernie :)

[bernie1977]

I'll put my phone on. I've only just got up, another bad day for me :unsure:

[Edward_1980]

Maybe it'll be a good one today Bernie. We can hope it will be for you.