Choking phobia, trying to get better.

[dancingfrog]

Well it's safe to say this past week has been the worse ever, as my choking phobia came to ahead I haven't eaten properly since. Went to the doctors on Monday and told her everything, she was so helpful and and said that is anxiety. I felt so sick that day I couldn't even eat soft food. She sent me for some thyroid function test as this is related to anxiety and also referred me to a CPN for some counselling. I left the doctors feeling better but then after a while my mind drew back to omg I have got to eat dinner/ tea and if it's not mash I'm going to choke. Today was horrific yet I managed to eat and survive. Minor set back when my sister joked you could choke on mash which I totally believed until I calmed down. Now all I have to do is keep plodding on, keep believing that the soft foods won't kill me until I can manage chewy things although at the moment I never wont to eat those again incase I choke to death. So really I just want some reassurance that the mash and soft foods won't choke me to death and any ideas to keep my weight up. I'm only 95 pounds anyway so I'm terrified of wasting away. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. At the moment I'm favouring the don't eat because you could choke on them to death , than you need to eat or you will die. I'm that low at the moment that I would rather be fed through a tube. I know this is stupid but I just need some coping strategies until I can see the counsellor . I'm going back to the doctors on Monday so she can track my weight.


Sorry for the long post just want to get stuff off my chest!

[dancingfrog]

Don't like to bump post but anyone there, just some reassurance and distractions needed?

[suki300]

If people who are genuinely at risk of choking can eat mashed food and are fine, then you will be more than fine. Glad the docs went well. You need to reassure yourself that it is just anxiety and not a risk of choking that is stopping you.

Incidentally I am on thyroxine and can confirm if you're not on it (or the right level) and you need to take it - it can be quite unpleasant.

[dancingfrog]

Thanks Suki, in know I'm ok to eat just got to get that part at the forefront, tea time seems to be the worst. Why is that unpleasant, we didn't discuss meds or if something was wrong? I managed some scrambled egg and a cake for breakfast yay!

[suki300]

Scrambled eggs and cake - sounds yummy.

Thyroxine just keeps your thyroid level at the correct amount. Half my family take it and if you have a thyroid problem (you might not), it can be a really simple solution to helping with the anxiety because you'll just feel a bit more normal if you need to take the medication.

It's very safe to take, I don't have side effects from it, it just needs to be taken everyday. But the doctor probably won't have gone into it, because there will be lots of people who are tested who don't have it, they just like to rule it out.

[Fishmanpa]

If people who are genuinely at risk of choking can eat mashed food and are fine

Yes, soft foods are the trick. Mashed potatoes, soft scrambled eggs, yogurt etc. A good blender can puree foods so they're easier to swallow.

By the end of my 6 weeks of radiation/chemo treatments for head and neck cancer I had lost 65 pounds. I couldn't eat as swallowing was too painful and difficult. I had a PEG (feeding) tube put in literally two hours after my last radiation treatment. I was out during the surgery but it wasn't too painful. Just a little sore for a few days.

I got 100% of my nourishment through the tube for a little over a month before finally starting to eat soft foods again. I had to fill a gravity bag with a pre-made formula, hang it from a pole and plug myself in to nourish myself. If I dripped it too fast I would puke it all up. Fun eh? I did that 5-6 times a day and the only thing I took by mouth was water. I finally had the tube removed in August after having it 4 months.

Now, a little over 5 months post treatment, I can eat most anything but have to have lots of water with everything I eat. It's "chew chew, sip, swallow". Even at that, swallowing is difficult and eating is more work than enjoyment with my throat and jaw tiring before I'm finished most of the time. Choking is a real possibility due to my situation and I've had to learn to do the Heimlich maneuver by myself should I find myself choking with no one around. Add to all that my taste buds were whacked for a long time so everything tasted like paste!

BUT... you didn't have cancer. Medically, there's nothing wrong with your throat or your swallow. You can eat whatever you want without nary a thought! How I envy you! You don't want to be tube fed I assure you!

To think that you're depriving yourself of the true joy of eating due to a fear of choking is mind boggling to me. I know if it were me, I would look at a plate of my favorite food and get over that fear instantly knowing I wasn't going to choke while eating it!

Good Luck!

[dancingfrog]

Thanks, I'm going to try some fish pie for my dinner and hopefully that will be ok, thanks for all your support, little by little I will get there!

---------- Post added at 15:23 ---------- Previous post was at 14:49 ----------

Anyone got any other food ideas for mainly meals, managed to eat my fish pie ok. Anything else that mushy but substantial so I can eat it! I'm so so concerned I'm not getting enough calories in. I've remembered of how mushy wheatabix coated in milk and sugar is so will try that for breakfast tomorrow. I know that living on soup won't keep me at a good weight. I'm not ready to put big pieces of meat or bread in my mouth yet!

[Fishmanpa]

Ensure, Boost or whey protein powders you can make shakes with etc.

soft scrambled eggs with cheese
poached eggs
yogurt
pudding
cheesecake
milkshakes
baked beans mashed up like mashed potatoes
mashed potatoes
mashed sweet potatoes, or candied sweet potatoes
chicken and stars soup
wonton soup
french onion soup (can make very easily at home, just beef broth and sauteed onions, piece of toast on top and provolone cheese broiled to melt it)
pancakes w/ real maple syrup or smucker's blueberry syrup
french toast
canned carrots
peas or green beans mashed
glazed carrots
cottage cheese
buttered soft, fresh white bread with jelly
soft serve ice cream
applesauce
tomato soup made with milk
zucchini squash either dipped in egg and lightly fried or sauteed in butter
jello
canned peaches or pears
asparagus (overcooked)
baked potato with butter and sour cream


Some meats are very tender when cooked in a pressure cooker like turkey legs.

To help balance your diet, add a scoop of dry carnation instant breakfast to milkshakes.

[dancingfrog]

Thanks for that what a lot of things to eat, do you think shepherds pie will be ok, I'm just worried about the meat part of it, meat is my big fear right now and anything I have to bite of to get into my mouth, hence why I only want mushy foods. Thanks again!

---------- Post added at 17:44 ---------- Previous post was at 17:38 ----------

I'm hell bent on getting the 2000 calories a day, although technically I don't need that much to maintain my weight I need it at the moment to reserve all I have. I'm starting a job on Monday which is worrying me, can I eat in front of strangers. I'm think of taking my soup and yogurts and a chocolate bar for my dinner as I'm fine with those. Then I'm worried that the increase in exercise will require me to eat more. On the other hand it will take my mind of the anxiety which is good!