soxxyrocks
01-10-13, 23:40
Good evening everyone. My name is Ashleigh and I just turned 23 years old. I found this forum through Google, and I'm really hoping that talking to other people who may be experiencing the same things that I am, or have in the past will help...I read about what I'm supposed to post here, so I hope I don't post too many details. After some childhood trauma when I was 4, I was diagnosed with PTSD and OCD. As I got older, I began to suffer from depression, and eventually started receiving treatment at around 12 years old. Since then it has been an everyday struggle dealing with my issues, and about a year and a half ago I started experiencing panic attacks. Most, if not all of my anxiety stems from health related concerns. I have an intense fear of dying and being alone, therefore when I feel as though I'm ill, I convince myself that things are going to end badly and quickly, and I'll be forever alone. Last year it got so bad that I was experiencing panic attacks over the fear of having contracted rabies (which is such a silly thought to me now!), that I was seen in the emergency room for fear that I was dying. I was eventually put on 20mg of Celexa and .5-1mg of Lorazepam as needed for my panic attacks, and slowly my fears went away, though I still had some OCD tendencies, and some tendency to use Dr. Google, my fears never really became debilitating, until just recently. I just got married in June, and just a month ago my family and I experienced a devastating house fire in which we lost everything, including our dogs and three cats. We're currently staying with my grandparents, and at first, everything was OK. I was handling things alright. Just last week I experienced a twitching in my right thumb, which I have experienced before, but thought nothing of. Because I was curious, I searched "thumb spasm", and of course "ALS" popped up as the very first result. Since then, day by day my "symptoms" have been getting worse and worse (i.e. twitching, weakness, etc.), and I find myself unable to stay away from Google. I'm beginning to drive myself crazy again, and I experienced my first panic attack in months two nights ago. I can feel myself going down the same road that I've traveled down before, and I really don't want to return. I've joined this forum in hopes that there will be others out there who have experienced my same fears or similar ones, because right now I think what I need is peer support. I'm making calls to a counselor tomorrow, but as of right now I just need someone to talk to. Though my husband is extremely supportive of me, and tries to reassure me that I'm fine, I feel as though he doesn't completely listen to me and the way that I feel. Thanks for reading, and I hope that everyone is well.