Icequeen
02-10-13, 09:07
ok so hi everyone...
i guess my biggest step was admitting i need help... now i'm getting help, i need support, and advice to help me continue...
I suppose i should explain why i'm here, and how i got here, so in brief...
3 years ago, i ended a 10 year relationship
2 months later, my Grandma died (she was 94!)
6 months later, my uncle died (at 60) he suffered paranoid schizoprenia and PTS after serving in the army, recieved no help or support. he self harmed, and lived with Grandma as her "carer" but they depended on each other. when she died, he gave up living, ended up in a phsyc ward in hospital, gave up eating and living all together, wasted away and eventually died. This is the point my "tick" appeared but i never acknowledged it as a bad thing, other than a little "stress"
soo ver the next few years, i hit a phase of drinking, being used by men, losing all sense of responsability (yes, i am ashamed)
18 months ago, i moved into my own place.' exciting yet totally terrifying
a year ago, i started seeing a man, it started sexual but over the christmas we fell in love. 6 months ago, he lost his mum and dad to cancer 2 weeks apart, he took it rough but being a typical man refused help. i supported him, put up with his emotions and whatever else came our way and we fought on... little did i know that this situation, on top of the past 3 years was wearing me down at a rapid rate of gnots now... he took a week away to see his son, 200 miles away... this is when i broke down... him going was like a release for me, in a good but bad way. i didnt have to hold him up suddenly but i was exhauseted and had hit breaking point... one day i woke up in panic, crisis, tears flowed non stop for 3 days after that and i knew i needed help so i rushed doctors. they gave me Citalopram 20mg and 2 weeks later, here i am. still on my own whilst he stays 200 miles away not knowing what im going through...
*sigh*
sorry, i kept that brief as i could but there really is a lot there!!
so thats me, thats where i'm at...
xx
i guess my biggest step was admitting i need help... now i'm getting help, i need support, and advice to help me continue...
I suppose i should explain why i'm here, and how i got here, so in brief...
3 years ago, i ended a 10 year relationship
2 months later, my Grandma died (she was 94!)
6 months later, my uncle died (at 60) he suffered paranoid schizoprenia and PTS after serving in the army, recieved no help or support. he self harmed, and lived with Grandma as her "carer" but they depended on each other. when she died, he gave up living, ended up in a phsyc ward in hospital, gave up eating and living all together, wasted away and eventually died. This is the point my "tick" appeared but i never acknowledged it as a bad thing, other than a little "stress"
soo ver the next few years, i hit a phase of drinking, being used by men, losing all sense of responsability (yes, i am ashamed)
18 months ago, i moved into my own place.' exciting yet totally terrifying
a year ago, i started seeing a man, it started sexual but over the christmas we fell in love. 6 months ago, he lost his mum and dad to cancer 2 weeks apart, he took it rough but being a typical man refused help. i supported him, put up with his emotions and whatever else came our way and we fought on... little did i know that this situation, on top of the past 3 years was wearing me down at a rapid rate of gnots now... he took a week away to see his son, 200 miles away... this is when i broke down... him going was like a release for me, in a good but bad way. i didnt have to hold him up suddenly but i was exhauseted and had hit breaking point... one day i woke up in panic, crisis, tears flowed non stop for 3 days after that and i knew i needed help so i rushed doctors. they gave me Citalopram 20mg and 2 weeks later, here i am. still on my own whilst he stays 200 miles away not knowing what im going through...
*sigh*
sorry, i kept that brief as i could but there really is a lot there!!
so thats me, thats where i'm at...
xx