View Full Version : Major "wow" moments in counselling today....
I've been seeing my counsellor for about 18 months & had started to wonder if it's worth going anymore. It's been really helpful but I seem stuck on the last 25% of my troubles as it were. The same happened when I did CBT several years ago, despite it being a great success, I couldnt shift everything. This time I'm determined to get rid of it. It has to go as I'm not willing to be troubled, frustrated & held back for the rest of my life. No way.
I have a lovely colleague who's going on leave for a few months. I'll really miss her but find it hard to talk about. I've really been struggling to cope with the thought of her not being around. I tried to work out why I felt so strongly & was berating myself for allowing myself getting close to someome.
Today my counsellor asked me if, when I was a child, was I able to talk about things I liked, or was scared of ridicule or having things destroyed. Well, that was like an arrow going through my heart. She'd hit the nail on the head. This fear applies in so many areas of my life. It holds me back from doing new things because I fear being laughed at. I've been making enquiries about becoming a befriender & a couple of months ago I nearly gave the idea up for fear of being laughed at. How ridiculous is that? At least now I know why I fear many things.
Next discovery related to another colleague who presses all my wrong buttons & strongly reminds me of my mother (who I had a difficult relationship with). I'm scared of this colleague & we were trying to work out why its so hard for me to stand up to her. My counsellor asked if it could be some of her behaviour matches that of my late brother (my abuser). Taking a step back, I realise she does have some of his traits. This explains so much.
Before my brother died, I could cope with this colleague fine. Considering I feel that my brother dying was no big deal, I cant understand why as soon as that happened, I couldnt cope with this colleague at all. Overnight she started doing my head in.
I still hear my critical father's voice saying "pull yourself together, it was nothing" (he always said that to me). My counsellor was quite shocked how my family conditioned me to be in denial, that it IS a big deal that my brother died.
She said when an abuser dies, although you know they cant hurt you anymore... the true depth of your feelings surface. I sat there & again felt like an arrow stuck in my heart. I guess this explains why I have struggled to contain my emotions all this time & why my self-esteem took such a knock. Perhaps now I wont be as critical of myself for struggling after all this time & that I do after all have a reason for feeling so bad. Perhaps I still have some of the emotions to work through. Maybe I will after all deal with that last 25%.
These discoveries are going to make a difference. The denial bit will take alot of work. After a lifetime of being told "it's nothing".... accepting something is a big deal doesnt come easily.
I've read other people's stories here (& I know we all do this) I find myself thinking what I went through is nothing compared to others. of course, that's what I was brought up to think & I realise it was very misleading.
What i will say is, if you are in counselling & you dont think you are "getting there". Never give up hope. I really didnt anticipate today being so productive. Not that I need to, but I feel justified in still going, even after all this time. it helps me see not only am I dealing with heavy stuff but also I can still make discoveries after a long time in counselling.
It sounds like a very productive counselling session today and I am pleased you have come to the realisation of how these experiences have affected you, especially the one with your not so nice colleague. It seems to me like we get so used to an abuser being around us that when they are not, we see someone else as taking their place but you know we can rise above them and become the stronger one. I guess that is easier said than done but we need to train ourselves not to always be the victim.
I guess in a way it is like what one of my friends has been trying to tell me but I didn't understand what he was saying until you wrote this....He said that I have been anxious and worried about things for so long that when one problems goes I seem to feel the need to have another one :)
AuntieMoosie
02-10-13, 19:37
It's great when the penny drops when we're having therapy isn't it hun :)
I, too, learned so much about "me" and what was making me think and behave in the way that I was :)
When an abuser dies, it's kind of life being let out of prison, as the thing that abusers seem to be able to do, is to imprison us in our own minds, that's part of the abuse, so I guess that when your Brother died, your prison bars disappeared and you were able to be "free" again :)
Thankfully, I was never physically or sexually abused in my childhood, but I was emotionally abused by various members of my family, probably emotional neglect is a better way of putting it, but anyway, I remember thinking and believing that I was somehow being controlled by them and that carried through right into adulthood. It was during my therapy that I was able to "free" myself from them :) :hugs:
Thank you Auntie. I'm so lucky having a lovely online-auntie. You're right about it being great when the penny drops when we're having therapy. I was so unexpected but had a big impact.
I agree that it's like being let out of prison, that's a really good way of looking at it. I don't feel free yet but that's because I haven't managed to stop repeating the behaviours.
Annie, what you said about being anxious for so long that when one problems goes you seem to feel the need to have another one. That does sound like me. Inadvertently I seek out bullies & then allow them to push me around.
We need to make a pact. I will stop seeking out the nasties if you see if it's possible to stop looking for your next worry. Big ask I know!
I'm sorry that your family were so mean, to you Auntie. What you said about believing you were somehow being controlled by them sounds very familiar to me. i used to think my mother automatically "knew" what i was up to. also that she knew what i was thinking, even if we weren't in the same room.
The other thing I find is I am forever anticipating being told off. That I must be doing something wrong & sooner or later I'll be brought to book. My brothers were forever causing trouble at home. I tried to stay out if it but when they are in your ace all the time messing with your mind & your stuff, it's not very easy. Fortunately only my late brother interfered with me physically & it didn't happen many times. I don't remember but apparently I was also sat upon by 2 of my brothers. Presumably to restrain me & torment me. Probably good I don't recall that happening.
I have managed to free myself from my family. The last people I had to do that with we're my parents. I had soooooo much guilt for doing that but I just cannot be around them for long as they drag me down. Anyway, they live in their own little world now. Maybe they always did.
Now what I need to do is disconnect the thought patterns I have about this colleague of mine. I need somehow to be assertive with her & distance myself emotionally from her. Like I did with my mother. Stop engaging with her. I am sure she is playing games with me. But then that's it. Is it me imagining it, or is it real? That is the question.
Thank you ladies I needed to share what happened today & it means a lot to be heard :-)
AuntieMoosie
02-10-13, 20:36
Thank you Tessar hun :hugs:
Thankfully, I was saved by Dr Barnardo's when I was 3 and stayed in the home until I was 16, and, thankfully, I had the most amazing and lovely housemother who took over the role as "Mum" to me :D
The emotional abuse carried on when we used to go and visit the family, which I never wanted to do, but my social worker felt that it would be "good for me"??
Things were very different back then though, I'm talking about the 60's/70's.
Like you, I have distanced myself right away from them, even to see them, makes my anxiety shoot through the roof an it makes me ill.
For years I thought that I'd better keep in touch and be the dutiful Daughter/Sister ect..........but I don't think like that now, life is far too short to be causing yourself more grief and suffering, we all need to be happy and enjoying our lives while we here and if that means having to leave others behind, then so be it. How I look on it is that we've suffered enough, you know, when's it our time to be happy??.........take it now hun, grab it with both hands and live your life how you want too and do what makes you happy, you deserve to be happy :yesyes:
I understand exactly what you're saying about linking other peoples behaviours to your Brothers.
Even though I've been through my therapy now and I'm 90% better than I was, I still shudder if I hear people shouting, being abusive or fighting, I just cannot bare it!!!
My psychotherapist explained to me that when we reach adulthood, we've still got a connecting with our inner child, the child doesn't just disappear, it's still there, but provided that we look after out inner child and give it what it wants, we normally fair well.
She told me to imagine an elastic band that we were as adults, she explained that if anything in our adulthood makes us either think or feel the way we did as a child, we kind of get "pinged" back and then we tend to behave how we did way back then, I hope I'm making sense as it's difficult to explain in the written word.
I suspect it may be that this pain that you're having to put up with at work, is displaying similar traits to your Brother, so you're probably feeling like you did at the hands of your Brother.
The trick is to try and keep yourself what's called "grounded" which basically means to try and keep yourself thinking as "your adult" as opposed to your "inner child" and you can do that by looking around you, looking at yourself, asking yourself, where are you? ect. By doing that, it helps you to stay as "your adult" so that you're not being effected by how you felt as a child. :) :hugs: :hugs:
I think that the more we recognise what is causing or has caused how we feel or react to situations, the easier it becomes to make a plan to overcome it. Now that you have realised why your colleague makes you feel the way you do, I think you will be able to deal with her and stand up for yourself more. You are not the little girl being bullied, you are the adult and as an adult you can protect the little girl in you and speak up for her.
---------- Post added at 20:38 ---------- Previous post was at 20:36 ----------
I think Auntie Moosie and I posted at the same time :)
Thank you both again ladies. What you say is right. Auntie Moosie I really do relate to what you are saying. It is good to be reminded why it is better to leave behind people who do not have a good influence on me.
this week I have spent way too much time caught in a dream world where I am visualising all sorts of stuff. Imagine how free I would be if I weren't doing that. Obsessing over this stupid colleague. It's so annoying having it go round & round. Right. So.... Remain grounded for starters. Remind myself I am an adult & that if I feel emotional twinges, that's my inner child that me (the adult) needs to step up & protect.
daisydaisy
02-10-13, 22:56
Hi Tessar, I had no idea how much you have and had been going through as only recently chatted on the forum. I am so pleased that you reached this crucial point in your counselling today, like a breakthrough. It is a big deal, it's not about measuring people's pain and what they have been thorough or are going through. You did go through something and have lived with it and I really hope that with continued work with your counsellor that you are able to move forward and rid that last 25% as you said. I think you're really brave.
Auntie Moosie, I'm so sorry too for everything you have been through. I can really relate to what you are saying about people shouting and arguing. I grew up in a dysfunctional/sperated family and shouting, swearing etc was the norm. That was so important to me when I met a partner to not relive that and I'm very luck that my partner understands this now. I could never be around people that are shouting and abusing people face to face. The sound of someone shouting makes my anxiety kick in straight away. I think that's why I didn't stick it out long when I started a bit of my career in education- a lady I worked very close to at the time used to bawl at the kids and it pierced straight through me and disturbed me.
thank you daisy, i really appreciate your words. Everyone here has a story to tell. Bit of it come out here & there in posts. We have all endured problems of some kind but at least there is a possibility here to use our experiences in a positive way.
I do need to start listening to things people like you say to me & to stop thinking it was nothing. I was conditioned to think that way. My father saw any kind of emotion as a weakness & used to tease me. My mother would tell me to stop making a fuss or treat me like a nuisance. I know she was busy as we were a big family but it wouldnt have taken much for her to even say "there there". Oh and I think you're really brave too. I guess we are being brave in different ways.
Its awful that you had to give up your career path because of an aggresive person. people like that shouldnt be around children anyway!
Rennie1989
03-10-13, 17:57
We're both stuck on the last hurdle of our recovery ;)
It's amassing to see that the counselor has uncovered those emotions and memories. Now they have surfaced you can work on them and put them to bed, instead of shoving them deep into the subconscious.
Absolutely amassing how far you have come, like you said to me, don't settle for where you are, carry on going!
Tessar, what great insight, keep up the good work. I hope you feel better soon. :hugs:
AuntieMoosie
03-10-13, 18:52
Daisy thank you for your lovely kind and supportive words hun :hugs:
Rennie even though I've had my therapy and did really well with it, there are still things that have an effect on me hun, but what I do, is try to do some more work on them when they crop up, so, in a way, I feel that we're always on our path to recovery, but the good news is, that each thing that we tackle makes us stronger and we gain even more insight about ourselves, which can only be a good thing :D :hugs:
I'm loving this thread, I feel that supporting, understanding, encouraging and companionship is a wonderful thing :hugs: :hugs:
Reading this thread has really helped me, thank you guys.
I have problems with noisy, aggressive people, and any kind of bad feeling which I always interpret as them judging me or being disappointed in me. I can't bear to make a noise (when I'm eating, walking, whatever). I am really hard on myself all the time, I can't cope with my body/mind feeling or doing things without my permission, if that makes sense? I constantly feel let down by my body.
I feel like I'm stood on top of a telegraph pole and I can't move even an inch - because if I do I'll fall off. I have to be in complete control AT ALL TIMES. Things have to be a certain way, I don't accept anything less. I can't bear any sign of weakness in myself or others.
Anyway, what I really wanted to say, firstly, is - my therapist keeps reminding me that it's not just about what happened to you as a child, how it was dealt with has just as much of an impact. How it was dealt with by the significant adults in your life.
Secondly, I'm so pleased to hear that things are moving for you Tessar xxx
Everyone, I am loving your replies...thank you. I couldn't wait to get my post up after my session. It's so good to have a place to share.
The trick is to try and keep yourself what's called "grounded" which basically means to try and keep yourself thinking as "your adult" as opposed to your "inner child" and you can do that by looking around you, looking at yourself, asking yourself, where are you? ect. By doing that, it helps you to stay as "your adult" so that you're not being effected by how you felt as a child.
AuntieMoosie, you'll never believe it but I tried this today & had some success. When i was driving to work i kept looking at my hands (one bit of my body i do like). My day didnt start that well at work but when I was sinking into my emotions too much I decided to act. So I again was looking at my hands & my blouse too.
I had moments today when I really did feel like the adult I am. A 50 year old. I was able to draw a line between little me & adult me.
Another observation I made.... My partner & I had some studio photos done recently. To my surprise i was really impressed with them & when I looked at myself I could see adult me. For the first time ever, i thought oh i look quite smart in my nice clothes. the pics really were good.
It might sound crazy bit it was like I had never seen myself like that before. Like a new me. I've lost a little weight too (been eating less for 2/3 months now & it's paying off). I had noticed looking in the mirror that I looked different. I liked what I was seeing.
On my way home tonight I was thinking about how I don't need to attach myself to the past so strongly. I've known that for a long time but severing the contact is a different matter.
Now I am wondering if this "new" me I am seeing is going to be the key.
Strangely at the same time I don't want to let go of my little girl. It isn't scary to do that but I feel like I'd be leaving her behind. I don't want to abandon her. I know technically she doesn't exist anymore but she is part of me.
Maybe I need to find a way of rescuing her so she can live with me in the present.
It feels quite odd writing this. I've read many self-help books & I have fully comprehended for a long time what I need to do. Despite that, i havent been able to do it. Whatever happened in my session yesterday has allowed me to "feel" I can do it now. That it is possible to cut some of the ties & become more free. I thought I had done the bulk of the work in therapy but much of that related to accepting what happened. I never cried in therapy. I was too scared. Now the emotions are surfacing. My last few counselling sessions have been very emotional. She really struck a nerve in this last session. Bit like pulling a plaster off a wound & letting all the badness out. Now it can heal properly.
I agree that even post-therapy things will still be triggering & that they need dealing with when they occur.
Having experienced therapy & now counselling many years later, it really is a journey you go on. When something "clicks" like it did yesterday it really is enlightening. But For that to happen, you put in the groundwork in previous sessions and day to day. Braving the unknown. Allowing yourself to drift back into the past & let unpleasant memories & feelings surface. By doing that you do piece things together bit by bit until it does fall into place. That's why it's important to stick at therapy, CBT, counselling whatever it is. And after treatment ends, you carry on with the theory & continue to heal.
I'm so glad I have somewhere to share all this as it has been so good to have a breakthrough. Just gotta keep in working at it!
I almost feel like I am looking forward to tomorrow so I can get stuck in again.
Thanks for all the good wishes.
Night all x
After all tis time (& I mean like my whole life) it is finally dawning on me that I can be MYSELF. I dont have to flinch at the thought of people I feel wary of not approving of me or thinking my attitude might be child like, not to their approval & so on. It seems so simple. I have known the facts for years but not felt able to feel inside me that I can be me.
I woke up this morning & another piece of the jigsaw fell into place. it just came to me. I have been hearing for years that I dont need to worry about what people think. Kind people have said genuinely flattering things about me. For a moment I would take it in but then I'd return to the old way of thinking. instead of basking in being me & appreciating my worth I was doing the work of other people. Bad work at that. Allowing their negative views & attitidues to impact on me.
I need to exist as myself & not allow this negativity to influence me so much. I need to listen to my friends here who have said kind things too. Not feel the glow of appreciation for a few seconds & then go back to my old ways.
That's where I am today. I need a notebook. Somehwere to write the good stuff. Read it over & over. Remind myself that these people I like & admire, be it here on in my life are right. To stay with it. Stay with the good. That is what I am going to do.
AuntieMoosie
09-10-13, 12:29
Such brilliant and helpful posts Tessar :D
I'm right there with you regarding when the penny finally drops, it's a wonderful thing, it's like you've been freed from all of the painful emotional stuff and, at last, you appear, just like a butterfly from a cacoon :yesyes:
Another way that I look at it is that I was once the "ugly ducking" but now I'm the beautiful swan :D
Keep learning about "you" hun, really find out who you are, what makes you tick and what you like and don't like without having any fear of anyone else.........to hell with them all!!!.......this is your time, you deserve to be happy, if they want to go with you and enjoy this experience with you, that's fine and very lovely, but if they don't, so be it!! We only get one life on this earth hun, make sure that yours is one that is happy and fulfilled :D
Go! fly butterfly! :yesyes: :yahoo: :hugs:
Thank u auntie you are very kind, I appreciate your words. I am feeling brain dead tonight... And I am nervous too as I am flying 2moro (4 work). Just wanted to check in & say thanks!
AuntieMoosie
09-10-13, 20:57
You can do it Tessar and I know that you'll be just fine :yesyes:
It's that awful anticipatory anxiety that you've got by the sounds of it, it's a pain in the rear end!!!!!
I'll be thinking of you hun, but you CAN DO IT :yesyes: :hugs:
I know u r rite. I have everything ready. I always have a checklist. Have to be organised as it helps me feel more in control. These trips really help me feel grown up. They do me the power of good as not only do I get a change of scenery but the feeling of independence is quite amazing. I think having been dominated by my family, I have ben am drawn to people who do the same. I don't seem to be able to help it. But this new freedom is helping me se just what I can do, first time I agreed to fu for work, they thought I had lost it. They were astounded. I think I was too but it was time for a challenge! Oh well, it is bed time now........
When I had my therapy I told My therapist about an incident as a child when I was very hurt and upset and had no one to go to. She told me to be the adult and go to comfort the child. I had to pretend to talk to the child in me and say exactly what I as an adult would have said to me as a child. It really helped me to feel better and comforted about the situation.
Tessar you ARE a beautiful person inside and out.
You will be fine tomorrow, take lots of pictures and some writing paper :)
Annie, you know me so well.... I will be fine & i am prepared!
It's interesting as my counsellor also suggested the same thing about comforting your child but I have tried it but I feel stupid. Also it scares me as it releases emotions i have kept pent up for my whole life. but they have to come out.
Sometimes I don't get enough time to sort of drift off and go over things like this. I need to make that time. I do alot of my thinking & reflecting when I am drifting off to sleep, but strangely it doesn't keep me awake.
I am beginning to see myself differently, inside and out so I shall keep at it. I do realise I'm not that little girl anymore but I am not going to let her go coz she is important to me.
It was a loooooooooong day, I am exhausted but I will be doing it again for sure. Stuff like this has to build up your confidence doesn't it?
It was a loooooooooong day, I am exhausted but I will be doing it again for sure. Stuff like this has to build up your confidence doesn't it?
It certainly does :)
It just has to be said that reminding myself to "remain grounded" this week has really helped alot. I have tried also to remind myself of my adult self, picturing me as an adult any time I am about to face a situation I find difficult. It is such a simple thing to do but it seems to head my emotions off at the pass.
Also, having made some progress, rather than slip back inti my "child like" state or way of thinking, I have tried to be aware of the presence of my "child" but not allow this to impinge in what I am trying to achieve.
I have tried to include my child in more fun activities, such as when I am taking a walk, perhaps dodging up something like a low wall or some steps & visualising her being with me. I find it quite hard to stay with that visualisation but I know if I can, I will perhaps feel more comfortable in the moments my child starts taking over. Maybe I will then be able to scoop her up into my arms and let my adult take the situation over while I am still holding into my child. She can be there but not actively participate.
Tessar, I'm just reading this thread and will jot thoughts down as I go.
Therapy not fixing the remaining issues: this is exactly what happened to me - let me guess, the stuff it didn't fix was the really nasty stuff, right? Maybe we get too comfortable in therapy. When you come out of therapy trembling and having a blip, it probably means you've been discussing a core problem. Nasty, but good therapy should involve blip and relapse management/prevention skills, so ask your therapist about this.
I phoned the Anxiety UK helpline today and she said therapy is something that people might need every so often as "maintenance", kind of like an emotional MOT. She doesn't think of therapy as something you have in one block and that's it, you're recovered. This tallies with what you say about your CBT not fixing everything.
Sometimes people have so many problems (or think they do), or the problems are so ingrained into their lives, that multiple sessions are needed to even make a dent. My CBT therapist says it usually takes around 20 sessions to start breaking into generalised anxiety disorder.
If something hits you badly, it means your ego (your core identity and belief system) has taken a direct hit. This is as bad as it gets for us as there is nothing worse than having our very sense of self attacked. This is why we sometimes come out of therapy shaken and upset, and why some things we think or experience hurt us terribly. It's a weakness, a vulnerability, that you can strengthen and repair.
oh my word, PsychoPoet, what you say makes sense, total sense......
Yes u r right.....the stuff my therapy didn't fix was the really nasty stuff. I didn't let any of the emotions out (I was too scared). We covered so much ground & I did improve enormously. But I think deep down I knew there was something lingering.
we were definitely discussing a core problem last time round (my fear of losing things I value &/or being laughed at because I admit to liking something/someone). luckily, the skilled i gained in cbt are helping me with managing my blips. My counselling sessions give me a safe & reliable place to "go there" with my feelings.
I feel the statement "therapy is something that people might need every so often as "maintenance", kind of like an emotional MOT" is correct. In my case this rings true.mi really appreciate this information as it helps me feel "justified" about seeing a counsellor! she'd kick me for using the word "justified" because i know i don't have to justify myself 4 seeing her. if i feel the need, then i need not question myself.
but then it isn't me that is doing the questioning here is it.... its the negative voices of my abusive brothers, my mother & my father. Damn it.... I am still doing their work for them.
My CBT was 29 sessions over about 3 years. Beforehand, I was being bullied & was falling apart. I describe it as my life grinding to a halt. I didn't know my unhappy childhood was to blame. Post CBT, I don't get bullied anymore. I have achieved more in life than I ever thought possible.
Lingering in the background was the cloud of emotions pent up from childhood. When one of my abusive brothers died recently, this was the trigger. I Still cannot get my head round why I cannot shake my past off. Why it is that despite working out in cbt what went on in my childhood & how this had affected me..... That I cannot seem to admit to myself that him dying was "A big deal".
But your words "If something hits you badly, it means your ego (your core identity and belief system) has taken a direct hit. This is as bad as it gets for us as there is nothing worse than having our very sense of self attacked" does give me an insight.
I guess what's coming out now is the truth of how I felt. After seeing my counsellor for well over a year, I am finding it possible to explore the deepest feelings. She does help me feel safe while I do that. I have cried in the last few sessions more than ever in front of another person. Last time round I felt like I was getting ready to run away because it felt so strong. I will tell her about that as I know it was a key moment. I still find it hard to mention to her when things we discuss are triggering. I wonder if it's hard because I am scared she won't take me seriously? I have no reason at all to doubt my counsellor, she has been totally supportive & shows great empathy. I guess my fear relates back to my being laughed at as a child & fearing being abandoned etc.
what you said, PsychoPoet, does help me and i appreciate your input. I guess if these are weaknesses or vulnerabilities I have, then the experiences I am sharing with my counsellor will strengthen and repair me. I think I need to go through all this stuff because I will be able to let it all go at some point. Maybe that will be the points am finally able to accept everything that happened was a "big deal" & I am no longer listening to my old critics. Instead I will become the new me that is emerging, stronger & with high self-esteem.
Bye for now and thank you.
Had another very good session today. At one point my counsellor told me I made her well up. But not because I made her feel sad, it was because I had a note from a friend which paid me a number of compliments. I knew if I took it along she would ask me to read it. Well I nearly didn't but I knew it was important ground to cover because I find it hard to take compliments. It's especially hard to repeat them to someone else because when I grew up, I was laughed at for things like that. If I said i liked something my brothers would destroy it or laugh or poke fun. Ridiculous though it is, I even fear my counsellor not taking me seriously or that she will also poke fun. I am doing her such a disservice saying that as I have total trust in her. It is the ghosts of my past still playing tricks on me.
But you know what? I really want to beat the past. Get it out of me once and for all. I am still denying myself pleasures in life by not believing positive stuff about myself, but this time round I want it to be different. Since receiving this lovely note from my friend, I have held back any negative thoughts, I do not want that dam of negativity affecting something positive.
Part of me feels like going back to my old ways of thinking but I don't want to.
So I am going to stick at it. The reason my counsellor felt emotional was because for one, I read the note. She thought I might not. Also because what my friend said was very genuine. And I think my counsellor was really pleased that I hadn't allowed any negative thoughts to interfere. I am trying really hard to stick with it.
In fact, a few times over the last few days, I have noticed myself doing nice things for others or perhaps being cheerful around people. These are the sorts of things my friend mentioned that I do. It feels almost overwhelming that I can see she is right but I struggle to believe it. Anyway I will believe the truth so I know she is right. It would be arrogant to think otherwise and I am not an arrogant person.
I work with a colleague who says condescending things sometimes. I feel she is poking fun at me. That's something else we discussed today. I am going to get there with this colleague and stand up to her. One day she will get it all guns blazing.
I do wonder, why are some people so horrible? Is it because she is jealous of my popularity perhaps? I am beginning to wonder if it's so. She is never happy unless se is miserable (if that makes sense).
Anyway, she won't win, I will!
I'm still concentrating on remaining in my adult mode when at work, remaining grounded. Not allowing my inner child to influence me too much. I am doing ok on that score.
Keep reading that note Tessar to remind yourself of just how good a person you really are. The ones who have in the past and now tried to drag you down are the ones with the problem not you.
Think about how many people really appreciate you compared to the few that don't. You are a wonderful person :)
Thanku Annie. That's one of the things they said!
yvonne_uk_98
24-10-13, 22:16
Tessar,
your are an amazing and wonderful friend.
I dont know where to start really...... going back to the lovely note I had from a friend recently remarking on how I am a wonderful friend, would never let anyone down, have a brilliant sense of humour & I always make people smile ..... when I first read it I did think "wow, what lovely things to say about me". My counsellor asked me what I thought about the note & I said my friend is kind to write that. But as my counsellor said, she wasnt just a kind act - she was honest, genuine. But I find it so hard to accept what people say. I have kept all this in mind though & have not allowed the barrage of comments from the back of my mind just waiting to destroy the good.
So to beat the past & stop those negative voices surfacing
I am still noticing myself doing nice things for others or perhaps being cheerful around people. I can see my friend is right in what she said. The more I stay with it & focus on now (& ignore the negative voices knocking at the back of my mind) the more I am able to believe the positive comments.
Last weekend when staying with my parents, my father tried berating me over something but I bit back. I wasnt willing to let him knock me down. No way. Who was he to make negative statements about me just to bolster his ego? I assertively told him it was crap what he was saying & told him why as well. This happened twice. There was a time I'd never have answered back but sticking with the positive needs backing up by not allowing other people knock you unjustly. Especially those who have habitually done this your whole life. I feel I took a huge step forward being doing this.
I still need to work on an arrogant & annoying colleague I have. She knocks me frequently, make little asides & sniggers at times. I will bring her to book I am sure. I guess its one step at a time. Her time will come, you believe me it will.
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