When will this end?? (possible trigger for anyone worried about lymphoma)

[Hypo]

This feeling of doom that I am about to die and leave my kids?

I rushed to the GP last week with a swollen tonsil and a lymph node, he said it was tonsillitis as they had white spots on them and had a temp.

Finish my antibiotics tomorrow but tonsil is still huge. Back to GP tomorrow. Will I look silly if I take my husband in with me as I am panicking?

I have spent TWO HOURS this evening with a torch looking at my mouth. I found red bits, white bits etc etc. I went to the dentist for a clean only three weeks ago and he said everything was fine.

I am tired. My jaw hurts from having it open for 2 hours. I got stuck, could not leave the mirror and dh was walking so he couldn't stop me.

I am scared the GP will say it's cancer of the tonsil. If he doesn't it doesn't matter, the red bit will be cancer, if not that the pain in my stomach will be cancer.

It's there somewhere.

BTW My three children's father (my ex) has Hodgkin's non lymphoma. It has came back again after he had a stem cell transplant. It just keeps coming back ever time he finishes treatment. My kid's lives have been turned upside down already.

[tiff123]

Hypo, with your ex going through something so horrid its easy to see why this has made your anxiety worse (my own HA started with my dad having cancer - he recovered 15 yrs ago fwiw).

However you are not your ex. You have been seen by a doc, your tonsils are of course red and inflammed as you have tonsillitis (classic white spots etc).

Docs see this all the time and know what to recognise.

I have had this too recently, its the time of year bugs are going round and a month + on my throat is still a little sore.

Please try and rest up and relax as much as possible / look after yourself or the bad throat will only take longer to heal.

I hope this helps a little :)

[keaw]

I obsessively check my tonsils and throat in the mirror too, but not as much since being on meds. are you taking anything,or considered any cbt to help you at all? x

[greenlady]

i have had the throat thing too..no tonsils but throat was realy red and spotty..not really sore and had swollen glands ..they are still up and i have rotton cough..i freaked too but dr said she would really worry if my glands didnt swell as i had a horrible virus..its just the time of year..hope you feel better x

[suki300]

Tonsillitis doesn't always clear up with the first set of antibiotics.

I think when you feel an impending sense of doom, it is very difficult not to focus on a cause. To put 2 and 2 together and come up with a medical cause rather than an anxiety based one.

It's very telling that your children's ex is going through non hodgkins lymphoma. It has made you think about the future of your children, of you and life probably feels extremely fragile and like something awful is going to happen.

We need a focus in times like these and yours is cancer. It's easy to see why we self diagnose, but anxiety can make you feel so terrible, so dreadful that you need a serious answer and that is often a serious illness, even though the only likely outcome will be anxiety.

I think it's perfectly fine to go to the doctor with your husband and I think you should tell him how you are feeling. Are you down for cbt?

I really wish the best for your ex, my mother has had treatment twice for non hodgkins lymphoma and they come up with new ways all the time to treat it.

[Hypo]

Thank you so much all for replying. It just helps to have a caring ear.

I had hypnotherapy which was also a mix of CBT and it was good but can't afford it now so I am waiting for CBT.

My GP appointment is in an hours time, very very scared.

Suki, my ex has had 4 lots of chemo (I mean 4 full treatments that lasted 6 mths each) then a stem cell transplant. Just found out that the cancer has came back again so he is now having another 6 mths of chemo, although they didn't really want to do it as he has had so much. They tried to give him a top up of stem cells but the cancer was growing faster than the new cells were working.