nc1218
04-10-13, 01:42
I've suffered with severe anxiety for almost ten years and it makes me so sad when I think about how much it has ruined my life.
I developed anorexia when I was 9 because of it, which thankfully is long gone now, although I was very close to not being here at all due to it.
I had to stop going to school when I was 10 because of a combination of anxiety and anorexia. I tried to go back into education when I was 12 but I couldn't cope with it and for the next few years that I should have been at school, I had a home tutor. I decided when I was 14 that I wanted to do my GCSE's, though I was given the option of doing only four subjects by the school I should've been at. Around this time, I really became interested in television and film and set my heart on becoming a Producer, which meant I would have to go to college at 16. I found the college I wanted to go to, and went to the first open day I could. I needed to get 4 GCSE's to get on the course I wanted, and I was so determined to get them. I'd been sat at home since I was 10, with near enough no friends, and it got me down a lot. Anyway, exam time came around and I had to go into school to sit my exams, which terrified me. The school told me that I could be in a separate room from all the other pupils for the exams. To cut a long story short, they didn't put me in another room for one of my exams, so I had to sit with everybody in my year. I refused to go in for the rest of my exams, because it was pretty harrowing to have been lied to like that, so I ended up with three GCSE's instead of the four I needed. I got told by college that I could still go, but I'd have to go onto a lower level course for a year and then I could go onto the course I actually wanted to do. I wasn't entirely happy, but I knew it was either that or nothing. I managed to go for the first day, which took every bit of determination I had. Basically, I hated it. It was just so stressful and because I didn't really want to be on that course, I couldn't push myself to go again.
So, for the past two years, I've been sat at home again, doing nothing. I have one friend, who was been my friend for 15 years, but we rarely speak now. I haven't seen her for almost two months. She has her own life and I don't really seem to feature in it any more.
I have my mum and my sister, but my mum is at work quite a lot, and my sister lives at her boyfriend's, so I don't really see her that much.
I get very, very lonely. I don't have a life, I just exist and as the weeks and months go by and nothing changes, it's getting more and more depressing. I can't see how my life will ever change. I just wish I had a 'normal' 18 year olds life. I know there's no such thing as normal, but I'd quite like it to be as close as possible.
I'm sorry this has been a really long-winded post, but I feel like there will be someone on here who will understand
I developed anorexia when I was 9 because of it, which thankfully is long gone now, although I was very close to not being here at all due to it.
I had to stop going to school when I was 10 because of a combination of anxiety and anorexia. I tried to go back into education when I was 12 but I couldn't cope with it and for the next few years that I should have been at school, I had a home tutor. I decided when I was 14 that I wanted to do my GCSE's, though I was given the option of doing only four subjects by the school I should've been at. Around this time, I really became interested in television and film and set my heart on becoming a Producer, which meant I would have to go to college at 16. I found the college I wanted to go to, and went to the first open day I could. I needed to get 4 GCSE's to get on the course I wanted, and I was so determined to get them. I'd been sat at home since I was 10, with near enough no friends, and it got me down a lot. Anyway, exam time came around and I had to go into school to sit my exams, which terrified me. The school told me that I could be in a separate room from all the other pupils for the exams. To cut a long story short, they didn't put me in another room for one of my exams, so I had to sit with everybody in my year. I refused to go in for the rest of my exams, because it was pretty harrowing to have been lied to like that, so I ended up with three GCSE's instead of the four I needed. I got told by college that I could still go, but I'd have to go onto a lower level course for a year and then I could go onto the course I actually wanted to do. I wasn't entirely happy, but I knew it was either that or nothing. I managed to go for the first day, which took every bit of determination I had. Basically, I hated it. It was just so stressful and because I didn't really want to be on that course, I couldn't push myself to go again.
So, for the past two years, I've been sat at home again, doing nothing. I have one friend, who was been my friend for 15 years, but we rarely speak now. I haven't seen her for almost two months. She has her own life and I don't really seem to feature in it any more.
I have my mum and my sister, but my mum is at work quite a lot, and my sister lives at her boyfriend's, so I don't really see her that much.
I get very, very lonely. I don't have a life, I just exist and as the weeks and months go by and nothing changes, it's getting more and more depressing. I can't see how my life will ever change. I just wish I had a 'normal' 18 year olds life. I know there's no such thing as normal, but I'd quite like it to be as close as possible.
I'm sorry this has been a really long-winded post, but I feel like there will be someone on here who will understand