Alcoholism getting worse.

[kutuup]

So I'm pretty ashamed to admit it, but my alcoholism as a result of anxiety is getting worse. I can quite happily put away (X) cans of beer a night if I'm working the next day, if I'm not working the next day I can easily do (double that) cans. This isn't good. I find I feel something I don't when I'm sober when I drink, I feel alive. I feel all the things a normal person would when they're sober. The thing is, that's EXTREMELY not healthy. I'm told I shouldn't say how many cans I drink a night as that might be bad for other people, but let's just say, it's WAY more than I should be drinking. I know it's not healthy at all, but can anyone offer any advice on how to kick this habit? It's not doing me any good at all.

[theharvestmouse]

You need help but firstly well done for admitting you know its a problem, that's the first step. I also used to self medicate with alcohol, it's a downward spiral because you need more and more alcohol to get the same effect and then the anxiety just gets worse afterwards.

Maybe you could tell your GP and ask if there are any local service to help you, or contact AA. Either way by getting help you will be doing the right thing, it's not easy but I think you know that a life of drinking to cope with anxiety is not good.

Hope you get some support with dealing with this.

[Tessar]

Kutuup, what you describe really is not heathy you are right. I am sure alcohol makes anxiety worse too.. I strongly urge you to seek help for your alcoholism.
I know someone who, after a lifetime of drinking, went to AA. I really didn't ever think they'd quit drinking & believe me they used to hit the bottle hard. But they did it. They still do not drink after several years.
It is possible to get through this. I totally agree with HarvestMouse that being able to accept you have a problem is a very important realisation. You can beat this, I will not pretend it's an easy to ride but you can be that normal person you desire (or perhaps we can call it "every day person") and experience things the way other people do without the influence of alcohol.
One thing for sure, please don't feel ashamed about your alcoholism. Until I had an insight into this through experiences of people close to me, I didn't realise it is a disease. Just like any other disease. What you need is treatment. Please do go to get yourself some help.
You are very welcome to post here about your difficulties and I will do everything I can to help you.

[Volvoman50]

I agree with harvest mouse seek help from GP and AA alcohol will not improve things. You can do it just take the first step to get help!

[Anxious_gal]

I've seen this before. It's a bad cycle as when you don't drink you get withdrawals n also take your b vitamins. Alcohol related brain damage is due to the alcohol stopping the b vitamins from getting absorbed and low n vitamins worsens the anxiety.

Find a good rehab, your medical card or health insurance should cover it. They work on your mental health there and will provide you with after care services too.

I've seen many try to stop only to fail until they got into a good rehab and had that extra support.

Try not to delude yourself you can stop by only drinking beer or now and again. When you have an addiction you have to totally stop or you'll just end up getting sucked in deeper and deeper.

I know you didn't ask for this addiction, I hope you get help now before your health starts to decline. It's a very good sign you know you have problem!!

Most alcoholics spend life times in denile but you have awareness which will help you overcome this!

[kutuup]

Thanks guys, I've had a look online and there's an addiction clinic at a hospital a little way from me where you can drop in without an appointment on a Friday night. I'm going to go down next week and see what advice they can give. Apparently they'll also contact your GP for you so you can get any meds you need without the awkward conversation :) I'm also going to give my beer stash to my friend who is at uni, I'm sure he'll give it a good home lol

[Tessar]

Try not to delude yourself you can stop by only drinking beer or now and again. When you have an addiction you have to totally stop or you'll just end up getting sucked in deeper and deeper.
I couldn't agree more....

[Speranza]

Thanks guys, I've had a look online and there's an addiction clinic at a hospital a little way from me where you can drop in without an appointment on a Friday night. I'm going to go down next week and see what advice they can give. Apparently they'll also contact your GP for you so you can get any meds you need without the awkward conversation :)

Great decision! :) All the best, keep posting!

[kutuup]

Hey all,

So I've been sober for about 4 days now and I'm getting some pretty nasty withdrawal symptoms, but I expected that. I'm getting constant shakes and sweating, as well as being wide eyed all the time and difficulty focusing my eyes on things. The first day was the worst, and each day has been a little better but I'm still a bit of a mess :( I'm carrying on working to keep my mind off it and distract myself but I'm getting a lot of anxiety and paranoia. I'm determined to keep this up as I know it won't be permanent, I'll probably feel crap for a few weeks, but at least I won't be punching my liver in the teeth every night, and I need that thing to live lol I'm going to the meeting on Friday night to get some advice on how to reduce the withdrawal symptoms. I got invited to a gaming night at a friend's house on Saturday, I know there will be booze there and I'm not quite ready for that situation so I explained what's going on and they were very supportive and I'm going to join them online from my house so I'm not around alcohol for now. Thank christ games support online multiplayer nowadays I guess XD I have a shipment of Coke Zero coming in my Friday food order, I think I'll just stick to that for Saturday night, it'll feel pretty sucky not to be able to have some drinks with them, but it's for the best, and hey, I'll still have a ton of fun :)

James

[Speranza]

That's great. btw don't feel ashamed. I'm not ashamed of my anxiety. Nor should you be. We are both getting help to deal with it, right? :)

[shotokansho]

Hi there. I think your doing really well, firstly your admission was very brave and it's good that you have insight and recognise what you need to do. I am not an alcoholic but i do have issues with alcohol and I am currently getting help from the community alcohol team and haven't had a drink for 8 weeks. I feel great and really stable mentally.
I know you can do it, keep posting and keep strong hun.
Kez x

[Tessar]

You Are doing very well james what u have achieved so far is not at all easy. I still feel some professional help would be good 4 you since it isnt always an easy ride but sending u positive vibes :-) & looking 4wd 2further updates from u

[theharvestmouse]

I would get some help, you've done well so far but maybe some support would help you even more so.

[kutuup]

Hey all,

So the last couple of days have been pretty rough, the post alcohol depression is setting in pretty hard. I guess it's a mixture of guilt and sadness at having let 7 years of my life pass me by in a drunken mess. I feel like I've let all the progress I should have made in life between 18 and 25 just go down the drain and my life has gone nowhere. I'm trying to console myself by thinking that I'm still only 25 and I can write the last few years off as a false start, but it's not always easy to keep that in mind. At the end of the day this is something I did to myself.

Funnily enough I haven't craved alcohol to cope with the depression. Just soup for some reason :S I've been eating soup like nobody's business. I don't get why I have that craving, but at least soup won't do any harm to anything except maybe my waistline :P

I had my doctor take a look at my liver today and apparently it's in pretty good shape, so I got off scott free in that department, but I'd rather quit while I'm ahead than let that be an excuse to go back on the sauce, I probably wouldn't be so lucky next time :S

If I'm honest, I'd still love to go on a night out and get wrecked with my friends, but I don't feel a physical craving to do so, just kind of a "yeah that'd be fun, wish I could still do that." I think I'll get that voice in my head telling me I can have "just one", and maybe I can, but it's not worth the risk, I know me, and once I've had one there's a high chance I'll have a lot more, best to just not gamble on it.

I think the depression will be set in for a while, but I'm telling myself it's just another phase I'll have to go through, if I weather the storm, I'll be better for it. To borrow a phrase from The Shawshank Redemption, I'll be "the man who crawled half a mile through a river of s**t and came out clean on the other side." :)

[Andria24]

I've just read through your thread Kut, and although I've nothing else of importance to add I just wanted to say well done. It's good to see that you've taken a huge step in the right direction and your attitude is positive and admirable.

Like others I believe it would pay you to seek further support, even if it's just counselling and working through what brought you to this but all the same ... :yesyes:

[kutuup]

Hi Andrea,

Thanks for the message, I just got back from my first addiction clinic meeting actually and they put me on to a guy who deals with counselling people suffering from addiction, I'm going to see him on Tuesday :) They've also given me a prescription for Metronidazole, which is actually an antibiotic, but they also use it for people with alcohol addiction as it makes you feel VERY unpleasant if you drink while you're taking it, it's like Stop-N-Grow for alcoholics lol.

The depression has been getting better, but I'm getting pretty nasty nightmares I can only describe as being "directed by David Lynch" in their level of weirdness lol. For instance, last night I had a pretty horrific one where I was left in charge of a shop or something and then some nudists or something invaded the shop and I had to keep them out but they wouldn't leave and insisted on doing some kind of nude fashion show in the shop so I went to get some police officers to get rid of them, but they were all protesting outside when I got back and I was completely losing control of the situation and there was this one protester with a loud speaker who was really winding me up so I went to punch him (I'm literally the least violent person in the world by the way :S) and I woke up sat up in my bed swinging a punch, luckily I sleep alone I guess lol. I kind of had a "hangover" from it after I woke up, but I expected nightmares as they're a common alcohol withdrawal symptom.

I was still left after I woke up just thinking "What the actual ****, brain?? Where did that festival of weirdness come from??" lol I guess my brain will take some time to recover from being constantly sedated, it's gonna do some weird things until then while it gets used to functioning normally I guess. Thankfully it only does weird things while I'm asleep, while I'm awake I've been pretty stable aside from periods of depression and anxiety which I'm going to talk to this guy about :)

James

[Andria24]

Wow James - you're hitting the ground running huh?! :)

It really is good to hear that you're taking control, and that you've plunged in with such a positive attitude. As for the dreams ... uh uh I hear you. I'm very wakeful the now, and experiencing lots of light sleep, the type that's perfect for dreaming.

I guess it's a phase. At least I hope so. Anyway ... Onward and upwards. You're doing fantastic :yesyes:

[kutuup]

Hey all :)

Just to give you an update, I'm nearly two weeks sober now and doing surprisingly well. I have my second meeting at the drop in centre this Friday and have managed to stay off the sauce without too much issue :)

Some things are proving difficult though, for one, beginning to socialise again. I'm finding it quite frightening as I can't think of things to say and I get very anxious and uncomfortable :S I know it will pass as I get more used to it, but for now it's quite harrowing to go and hang out with someone, even people I know well.

Does anyone have any tips on how to relax around other people? It's kinda frustrating and I feel like people notice I'm uncomfortable :(

[Fishmanpa]

First off, Congrats on staying sober. That is HUGE! Keep up the great job. The longer you stay sober, the better you'll feel physically and mentally. Beating a demon like alcoholism is something many people try and many fail at doing so. Much like tobacco, it grips you like a vice so you deserve huge Kudos!

As time goes on, the benefit of feeling better physically and mentally will become evident. Your self esteem will increase as well due to your victory over your alcohol addiction and that will help you in your social interactions.

For now, I would focus on one thing at a time. Beating the alcohol is much more important than socializing. All things in time....

Good Luck!