View Full Version : I know I am dying...
Been awake all night...googled beige stools and its serious..know i cant do bad nrws..wld finish me..now so sad for family...read cancer support site for hope but they ate all struggling...cant do this...sorry for bad txt via mobile so rubbish...how do people cope...
First of all, you're not dying - you just feel like you are. Beige stools? That's the color of mine almost every day!!! I guess according to that I must be dying too. I feel fine. Remember that this HA can and WILL pass, it is only temporary. All your worries have not been cemented before, they're like leaves tha blew away in the wind and you know better... This is no different. Hang in there. Stop googling and read some poetry or the Bible, or watch tv, go for a walk. Life is worth living even taking a dump feels great! ;-)
Jared, that's the difference though, mine aren't normally and it says it is either pancreas or liver but I did have an ultrasound recently on whole of abdomen which was clear and bloods ok but must be something bad...this whole HA thing is nothing like any anxiety I have had in the past...I've tried EVERYTHING to help but realise that I am just going to make myself much worse health wise if it doesn't get sorted somehow...stress causes cancer :weep:
Jules, I want you to promise me you will try to be proactive in not worrying about this. Quit googling. There is nothing wrong with you, nothing "off", nothing "out of the ordinary". You are healthy, these tests you took should ease your mind of any doubt.
Stress cannot kill you. It can run your immune system down (what I mean by that is - is you catch colds and other stuff going around easier); and make your life miserable, which clearly you are right now. Panic also likewise does not kill anyone. It is harmless. The only thing it makes worse is your quality of life.
Let me ask you Jules. Right after you said your tests came out fine, you said "but it must be something bad". What could it be that is so bad? You say your bowel movement is lighter colored than usual. Mine is always that color. Heck, my stools have been black before. But it goes away. Sometimes my pee is greener than usual. It means nothing more than the fact your body is producing and excreting normally just like it should. Our bodies change and excrete different chemicals which changes color, odor, consistency, whatever. Last night I got so anxious that I shot water out of my rear as bad diarrhea and thought I was sick. Could have fooled me into the flu. I was fine after that. Anxiety CAUSED that! A one time event! I took a Xanax, calmed myself down, relaxed on the couch, and the rest of the night went fine without any other ill effects. Anxiety is a sucker, it can make us have physical symptoms of what we fear worst. HOWEVER it will not make you die. Although anxiety produces physical symptoms, it does not produce physical ILLNESSES like cancer or whatever else you think it may be. You're not going to die. I remind myself that if I die, I know Jesus and it's what keeps me going. I don't know where you are on that plane but just throwing that out there.
Please promise me you'll believe me and just relax, put your mind at ease. Pop some vitamins, pour a glass of wine, whatever makes you feel better. Get some rest, with each day there's new hope. Stress sucks, but it will not cause cancer. Get out of that circle and enjoy your life. Five minutes ago you were worrying, but now five minutes later you're still alive. Now don't you wish five minutes ago you weren't worrying about where you are right now? Think about it! :-)
Dude! You're scaring the sh&^ out of yourself! ;)~
I don't mean to make light of your fear but seriously, there's nothing wrong. As was stated, all your tests are fine. Just promise me you won't start taking your poo out of the toilet and examining it as I read some have! Jared has given you some very good advice, heed it!
They say humor is a cure all so let me tell you a funny and true story and I happen to love bathroom humor ~lol~....
Several years ago I was at a public place and the urge hit me hard and I had to go. I'm not too fond of public bathrooms but when nature calls... ya know? Anyway... I walked into the bathroom about the same time this really big black fella did (I mention this because it's relevant to the story for what I'm going to describe). So I take a stall and he happens to take the stall next to me as the third one was already taken. I don't know what he had to eat but damn! The sounds and smells coming from the stall were...... I'll leave that to your imagination. So I'm sitting there just about finished and I hear from the stall next to me in a deep James Earl Jones type voice.... "Corn?.... I don't remember eating any corn" Well the guy in the third stall started laughing and that got me going too. I nearly fell off the toilet!
By the way, just so you know.... When you do eventually go to meet your maker, a long, long time from now, one of the very last things that happen is your body evacuates. Yes, you sh&^ yourself. Wouldn't it be ironic if it was beige? ;)~
Good Luck!
Barnabas75
05-10-13, 11:15
Fishmanpa, you made me laugh out loud with your story.Thanks
JustJules if your tests are clear.Believe it.They say the truth will set you free!!
HAHAHAHHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was once in a public toilet and I swear the woman in the next cubicles passed wind several times in the EXACT rhythm of the William Tell Overture, which would have been fine if I hadn't started singing, "Duhduhduh, duhduhduh, duhduh DUH DUH DUH!" absent-mindedly. You know, one of those, "Oh did I just SPEAK THAT THOUGHT OUT LOUD?" moments.
I stayed in there a LOoooooooong time... :D
Barnabas75
05-10-13, 12:25
:roflmao:Speranza
almamatters
05-10-13, 13:49
I have never heard of beige stools being any indication of liver or pancreatic problems! If your ultrasound and bloods are fine then you are ok.
ankietyjoe
05-10-13, 15:14
Mine have been paler than usual for 2 years or more. It's an indication that your digestive system is working faster than normal (which is far, far more likely given your current state of mind and stress/anxiety levels).
I've known I have been dying at least a dozen times in the last couple of years as well though. Very dark place to be.
Anxious_gal
05-10-13, 16:59
We are all dying. None of us know how or when we are going to go.
You're not sick, you're healthy yet instead of being happy about it you've convinced yourself you've got cancer without even going to a doctor.
It's all in your head, you are creating your own misery via imagination and reading things online that confirm that.
There's lots of natural reasons for a change in stool colour yet you ignore all that and go to the worst case senario.
But you can change this! With hard work, therapy and CBT you can help yourself.
You have to be willing to stop feeding the anxiety monster by googling all your symptoms and instead kick it's butt by working on your mental health. :)
nomorepanic
05-10-13, 17:00
Firstly you are most likely not dying (well not from this anyway) and even if it was bowel cancer that is not a life sentence. My neighbour had bowel cancer and is ok now.
Please try not to be so dramatic in your titles and thinking - just sit and be rational about things first.
You have not been diagnosed with anything serious and you most probably won't be.
Googling will always always always end up with cancer for anything!
HAHAHAHHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was once in a public toilet and I swear the woman in the next cubicles passed wind several times in the EXACT rhythm of the William Tell Overture, which would have been fine if I hadn't started singing, "Duhduhduh, duhduhduh, duhduh DUH DUH DUH!" absent-mindedly. YOu know, one of those, "Oh did I just SPEAK THAT THOUGHT OUT LOUD?" moments.
I stayed in there a LOoooooooong time... :D
I was once in a public toilet in fancy London and thought they had the fanciest urinals ever with taps included. Then I realised I was accidentally urinating in the sink! In my defence it was stainless steel and looked a bit like a urinal!
Thanks everyone who responded. I was, again, for the umpteenth time lately, in terrible place from the early hours today and just can't stop the out of control thoughts and sheer terror that I am feeling on a daily basis lately. We all have our personal stories and our symptom or symptoms at the time are just usually part of a bigger picture that would be too complex to explain without boring everybody to death.
Nicola, sorry to be so dramatic in my title today but that's how I felt and just wish it was possible at that point to be more rational and to calm down.
Jared, thank you for your wisdom and kind words...I envy your faith, it must be most comforting..tried that path once but couldn't believe enough (sound familiar i.e anxiety)
Fishmanpa, you do make me laugh...can I ask you something? Considering you are on this forum and actually have the misfortune to be suffering from the dreaded C word - do you really have to work on your amazing positivity or are you a natural optimist if the latter, do you believe that us negative pessimists can really change? I am trying so hard. Hypno, relaxation and meditation, mess etc but nothing is working and I feel so out of control and believe that the next thing for me will be a psychiatrist as I truly cannot live like this. I feel so bad even writing this, knowing what you are going through so bravely and with such humour.
Thanks again.
Kmccluskey
05-10-13, 21:35
so awful , your not dying. Your mind is a powerful tool remember , it's just flipped on you.
Barnabas75
06-10-13, 20:17
Glad you are better today.I can finally cross number 200 of my list of things to do.Have conversation about stools.:)done.
I was once in a public toilet in fancy London and thought they had the fanciest urinals ever with taps included. Then I realised I was accidentally urinating in the sink! In my defence it was stainless steel and looked a bit like a urinal!
AHAHAHAAAAAAAAHHAAAA <gasping for breath>
HAHAHAHAAA... :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
Fishmanpa, you do make me laugh...can I ask you something? Considering you are on this forum and actually have the misfortune to be suffering from the dreaded C word - do you really have to work on your amazing positivity or are you a natural optimist if the latter, do you believe that us negative pessimists can really change? I am trying so hard. Hypno, relaxation and meditation, mess etc but nothing is working and I feel so out of control and believe that the next thing for me will be a psychiatrist as I truly cannot live like this. I feel so bad even writing this, knowing what you are going through so bravely and with such humour.
Thanks again.
Hi Jules,
Thanks for asking. I have to say, with all honesty, that I've had similar thoughts as you have at times. How could I not? Two heart attacks, bypass surgery, stents and most recently one of the nastiest cancers one can get. Despite all that, the thoughts didn't last long.
I've faced adversity much of my life. Just when things were really going my way, the rug was pulled out from under me more times than I can count. Not just from a health position but from financial and mental aspects as well. When push comes to shove, what are you going to do? I've been at the point of homelessness several times. I've been on the verge of death as well. On the other hand, I've known the joy of life in the birth of my children. I've known and currently know true love and what an absolute blessing it is. I've seen the beauty of the Earth in all it's glory from sunrise in the Shenandoah Mountains to breaching whales off the coast of Nova Scotia at sunset.
Do I have to work at being positive? Sure I do! I believe we all have to work on being positive in light of the fact that the world sucks at times. The fact of the matter is it's a choice we can make. We can choose to find the positive things in life or choose to focus on the negatives.
I don't suffer from anxiety disorder. I came to this forum to learn more about the malady and hopefully help others suffering from it. I have suffered from depression and sought professional help in therapy and medication. I've had a few anxiety attacks as well. The difference is that I was able to rationally put my thoughts in order and not allow them to control me.
I believe that everyone here has the ability and fortitude to do the same. It comes down to making a decision to do so. A decision to seek help. When you look at the posts, especially in the HA section of the boards, it's almost ridiculous the number of people thinking they're dying from some deadly disease. Look back at the posts and you see a definitive pattern and every single one of the posters are still alive!
Then, there are some that post a few times and vanish. Those are the ones, in my opinion, that really get it and have sought help and followed through.
I truly believe, with all my heart and soul, that one can break free of the bondage of anxiety. With professional help (therapy), CBT and medication if necessary, most anyone can do it. However, the key and most important aspect is the "desire" to do so.
Ask yourself...How bad do you want it? Remember when you were a child and you wanted a certain toy? You did everything in your power to get it. You saved every penny, did any chore, whatever it took to get that toy you did!
This is no different.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I had the same choices to make. I needed professional help, medication and then some to get better. The most vital aspect of beating cancer was a positive attitude and humor. I would venture to say that more than 50% of the battle was that. I had a choice to make and I chose to take the positive one.
Take the next step Jules. Seek help. Fight and take your life back. Life is so fragile. It can be taken in an instant. Make the most of it while you have the opportunity to do so!
Positive thoughts and prayers
"T"
Fishmanpa is so wise - I always imagine him sitting in a rocking chair, on a porch, nodding sagely :)
Fishmanpa, thank you for your reply - as I would have expected, it's full of no nonsense, positive and helpful words and I want you to know how much help you give to people on this site. I am going to really try hard and put what you say into practice, I promise.
Whilst browsing the site last night, I also came across a link (nothingworks.weebly.com) on a post which is written by a guy called Chris, an ex-anxiety sufferer and it's absolutely brilliant - it should be given to every anxiety sufferer instead of all the usual meds, CBT stuff as it is amazing. How this guy, without professing to be anybody other than one of us but who has grasped the whole concept of this damn condition and managed to put it into such a fantastic piece of writing. I was scrolling down for ages last night, it's quite lengthy, so I thought I'd print it off at work today and it's actually 92 pages long!!! Some of it, is repetitive, just I think, to emphasise the point but it's definitely worth a read. It's helped me already and I've not really digested it properly yet.
Brunette, I know what you mean about Fishmanpa - I too can imagine him like that!!!
AuntieMoosie
07-10-13, 21:50
HAHAHAHHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was once in a public toilet and I swear the woman in the next cubicles passed wind several times in the EXACT rhythm of the William Tell Overture, which would have been fine if I hadn't started singing, "Duhduhduh, duhduhduh, duhduh DUH DUH DUH!" absent-mindedly. You know, one of those, "Oh did I just SPEAK THAT THOUGHT OUT LOUD?" moments.
I stayed in there a LOoooooooong time... :D
Sorry, but that is just hilarious :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:I'm going to keep thinking about that every time I use a public lav :roflmao:
JustJules There are very many reasons for changes in the colour of our stools, mostly it's to do with what we eat or drink, whether we have an upset tummy and loads of other reasons too.
I've had pale stools many a time, and I haven't got, neither have I ever had, cancer of anything.
Try and stay away from Dr Google.........what has he done to help you??...............zilch, nada, nothing!!!.........what he has done is fill your head with untruths. Dr Google will always mention cancer, it's his favourite word :winks: Go and see your doctor, tell them of your concerns and then have the answers straight from the horses mouth, surly you would trust your doctor more that you would trust Dr Google :)
I've never heard of pale stools being a bad thing. I thought they were a good thing?
I guess you could always binge on beetroot - the pink urine will take your mind off things...
Sorry. :( I do really really understand how it feels to be so scared, but really - you are fine.
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