Back to square 1, feel lost!

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Hi everyone,

Hope your all well and managing to have some good days through this old anxiety struggle.

Anyway, I wont bore you all with my story again, as I've posted it many times before but basically ive been suffering with health anxiety and General anxiety for a while now but most severely over the past year and a half. After being on a couple of anti-depressants for months I came off about 9 months ago and have been trying to deal with the anxiety med free. I still feel like utter crap near enough everyday with physical symptoms etc but have been battling on through. I have managed to start working again a couple of months ago after being out of work for a year with anxiety. Works a struggle and I have been on the verge of quitting and giving up most of the time ive been there. I have been trying to ignore/accept the anxiety and symptoms but they have all just got on top of me, I left work after an hour on Friday and I was so dizzy with head pains and foggy head, so anxious etc I could barely talk or function so I just had to leave.

Anyway since then I feel like im back at square 1. I feel like im stuck like this forever again, I have the feelings of doom creeping up on me. I had been planning to start Prozac for a while but had been putting it off for ages in the hope I could somehow start to feel a bit better without meds. I took 10mg prozac on Friday evening, which was probably a mistake as I should have maybe seen if this was a blip and then started it when I felt slightly better.

Now I just don't know what to do anymore, I am lying in bed just trying to get through the day. I really don't think im going to be able to go into work this week so I need to let them know, but I may well lose the job. I just feel after battling for a year I was slowly getting somewhere and now im back to where I started. I've had CBT and it didn't help, it wasn't for me my therapist said and I agreed. I used the http://nothingworks.weebly.com/ method of just accepting my symptoms and acting completely as I would if I didn't have anxiety and that did help somewhat and I made some progress but my physical symptoms of head pains, dizzyness etc still plagued me every day and in the end they got the better of me and now ive crumbled.

Not even sure what I'm posting to ask but im just so lost at the moment, I don't see any positives, don't see any way forward, don't want to give in to the anxiety and not go to work but at the same time the thought of going there makes me feel like crap as I know how bad my anxiety is going to be while there. Even when im at work, I dont see why im there anyway, its like im just going through the motions trying to survive for a tiny pay packet. I want to try and ignore and accept the anxiety and act like I would if I didn't have it as that helped me before, but isn't that ignoring the route of the problem? I don't know anything anymore.

Sorry I've rambled on again, any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks for reading.

---------- Post added at 13:41 ---------- Previous post was at 12:08 ----------

:unsure:

[debs71]

Hi gotagetthroughthis,

Your story sounds so much like mine. I was med free for 2 years, and like you I have still had the anxiety lurking in the background, but just battled it whilst trying to live as normal a life as possible.

It is very, very hard not to fall back into despair sometimes. Please first know that you are not alone in that. I think that the anxiety just tips over to that sometimes, where we just get exhausted with fighting it...kind of like 'what's the bloody point anymore?'

I have been there many times over. I think it is especially tough without the crutch of meds. I personally think that perhaps meds may be beneficial to you, just to give you that physical/mental support in the interim.

I restarted Cipralex recently, and I already do feel the benefit in terms of taking the edge of the really awful drag of anxiety, as you are experiencing. I too had therapy, but I had one-to-one counselling, not CBT, and I am wondering actually if this may be of more benefit to you too? I am not sure that i would have benefited from CBT either, as my anxiety and depression was triggered by specific life experiences rather than a way of thinking, and it helped me enormously to discuss this with someone and make sense of stuff. Is this something you could consider?

I know also that work is hard when you feel awful mentally. I think it is a double-edged sword. On one hand it can be a real effort to go in. Mental issues can be just as debilitating as physical illness, and if you do need some time out, you need it, full stop. On the other hand, being busy does help with anxiety a lot. I know I feel better when I am occupied. Try if you can not to put any pressure on yourself work wise. Take it day by day.

I think that accepting and getting on with anxiety but also addressing it is a fine balance, and sometimes hard to achieve. I think that as long as your daily routines/living life is not overtaken by the anxiety that you may well still have that is fine to live WITH it with manage it, but when it does disrupt and interfere with life that is when it needs to be tackled.

I know it is not much in terms of advice hun, but I would be inclined to have a chat with your doc about what is happening, and take things from there. You don't have to live day-to-day feeling rotten.

xxx:hugs:

[kittikat]

It's not so much about 'ignoring' the problem, it's more about trying not to let it take over your every thought, which I know can be so very hard when you feel like this.

Perhaps it's time to bite the bullet and take the Prozac...you know that you will probably feel worse to begin with anyway but hopefully within a couple of weeks you will start to feel some real benefit.

I admire the fact that you are trying so hard to overcome this and really want the med free route, but sometimes we have to try another angle to give us a little push forward in the right direction.

Stay strong and I hope you can find a positive way forward soon.

Kitti :hugs: x

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Thanks for your reply's guys, it means a lot.

Debs yes I am definitely open to trying counselling and am looking into it at the moment. I have tried it a while back but I don't think I had the right therapist so will give it another go. And yes the anxiety definitely impacts and interferes with my life every day, don't think I've had a day where it hasn't since this whole thing started. Speaking to my doctors is really a hopeless task, they dont suggest or do anything really unless you go in there every week asking for something you specifically want until they give in.

Thanks Kittikat, Yea I think im going to be taking the prozac, like I said I took my first dose on friday, Im going to try and keep it at a very low dose though as I really don't trust what they do to the brain but I don't see any other options right now.

Thanks again guys x

[debs71]

I know I banging on about it here, but I would ABSOLUTELY highly recommend one-to-one counselling to anyone with anxiety and panic. I know CBT has it's place and can be very good too, but when your worries and problems revolve around the stressful stuff/responsibilities and problems in life that are triggering it, I find counselling more helpful. It is just being able to talk to someone who is without any agenda/unbiased in your life...someone with a clear viewpoint that you can pick through various thoughts and worries with that is really therapeutic.

I do understand what you mean about doctors, gotagetthroughthis. The GP I had when I became ill with anxiety years ago was good....she offered me meds and the counselling, but my GP's now are really not that great. They were totally unaware that I had even come off meds two years ago. I know this as fact as they didn't even follow up why I was not repeating my prescription, or follow me up whilst I was actually on medication to know otherwise!!!

Would you be able to perhaps discuss restarting meds with them, and if they are not forthcoming about therapy, ask them yourself about counselling, and that it is something you want to consider? I know it is hard with doctors sometimes, as you have to be bolshy sometimes to get them to take note and listen, and it shouldn't be that way when you are already vulnerable with anxiety. xx:hugs:

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Well I have spoken to the docs about starting meds, I went there a few months ago and was prescribed paroxetine, I never took it as I know its a really hard one to come off. Anyway, docs wouldn't have a clue if I started taking it or not as they don't monitor you or check anything. I went back about a month ago and they didn't even mention the paroxetine and I asked for prozac instead and they gave me that. I didn't start taking it straight away as I was hoping I may somehow start having some good days and start improving without meds and then the meds were there if I changed my mind. But I wasn't really making any progress so I have started the prozac 2 days ago since having this blip. I basically just do my own thing with the meds now.

Also on the one-to-one counselling thing im just trying to find a good therapist at the moment and then will hopefully start. Its also the money issue aswell at the moment as I haven't been working long and Im not exactly reliable in my job since having anxiety so money is a problem these days.

So are you still off the meds yourself or are you back on something now?

[debs71]

Also on the one-to-one counselling thing im just trying to find a good therapist at the moment and then will hopefully start. Its also the money issue aswell at the moment as I haven't been working long and Im not exactly reliable in my job since having anxiety so money is a problem these days.

So are you still off the meds yourself or are you back on something now?


Yep, I can empathise with you there. I have also been looking about for another counsellor, but I was very lucky the first time with the counselling as I was able to get it free through MIND, as a referral from my GP. They closed their local counselling a few years go now, so I will have to go privately now I think, and money is an issue for me too.

I'm back on Cipralex again now, gotagetthroughthis. I restarted it myself 2 weeks ago. I just wasn't able to manage my anxiety myself, and was getting the dreaded depersonalisation symptoms back again, and I just thought to hell with it, I'm just going to start the meds again. I managed without them for 2 years, but I know when I am getting out of my depth again, and my self-managing wasn't cutting it unfortunately....but hey, never say never!:)

[kittikat]

I found that a combination of meds and therapy is a good way forward when we can longer control the anxiety by ourselves. The meds gave me the quick start I so desperately needed and the therapy helped to give me coping strategies I needed to help myself manage my thoughts and feelings in the correct way for me.

I was lucky enough to get a brilliant therapist on the NHS and ended up having 28 sessions with her.

Try this link Gota, in some areas you can self refer or your GP can refer you. You may just be one of the lucky ones like I was and I'm sure it will help you immensely ;)

http://www.iapt.nhs.uk/services/

Good luck :) x

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Been on Prozac for over 2 weeks now and have just been going downhill from the moment I started them. Really didn't want to start meds again and after seeing no improvements so far im questioning why I started taking an SSRI again. I know its early days still but I feel worse now than I did in the first week on the med. I hope to see some improvements soon, don't feel I can handle another week forcing myself through work like this.

[nomorepanic]

Do you know why they put you on Prozac?

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Do you know why they put you on Prozac?

It was more a mutual decision between me and the doctor to be honest, I was offered Paroxetine first but I didn't want to go on that as from what I have heard and read it is usually the hardest SSRI to come off. Also I have been on Citalopram and Sertraline previously and didn't do to well on either so Prozac was one of the only SSRI options left to try.

I know Prozac isn't prescribed for Anxiety as much these days and im questioning if I should really have started it but I know it can work well for some people with anxiety. Still trying to stay positive.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Really wondering if going onto Prozac was a good idea. I Know its still early but after nearly 3 weeks I was hoping it start to settle down instead of feeling worse each day. Struggling through every second at work and not much better when I get home. Feel physically ill all day and cant function properly.

Hoping for some improvement over the next week.