smileforawhile
06-10-13, 15:49
Hi all. I’m looking for some advice from people detached from my situation because I’m finding it difficult to figure things out rationally any more. My mind is a constant whirr of pros and cons and what ifs! I’m considering buying a house and moving out of my parents at the ripe old age of 35. To most people this would be any easy enough decision to make but I’m really struggling. Firstly, I am very much a creature of habit and find change unsettling. I’m not miserable where I am or anything so why rock the boat? On the other hand I feel if I don’t pluck up the courage to strike out on my own when will I ever do it? I’m beginning to feel a slight embarrassment attached to being my age and still at home. Perhaps moving out would be a real confidence builder?
In addition to these considerations, my parents themselves are a big factor causing me to question everything. My dad suffers from anxiety and can be depressed. He and I are very close and I know that he is not at all keen for me to leave. We get on so well, we are so alike in so many ways and my mum reckons no one can lift his spirits in quite the way I can. I can’t bear the thought of my actions causing him stress however I also sometimes feel I can’t make decisions about my own life purely for his sake. On top of this he was diagnosed with a major illness this year and is currently still receiving treatment. Prognosis at this point is not entirely bleak but there’s no sign of an all clear yet either. So there could be many many more years for my parents to be together but there is also the chance that this could be shortened in which case it would be a comfort for my dad to have both me and my mum with him and also for me to be with my mum should the worst happen. There is a place really near my parents which I’m considering buying so I would literally be round the corner but I am still really torn. If I’m not 100% certain should I be taking such a huge jump?
My own anxiety levels have been fairly settled for a while now. I think my dad’s illness really put some of the things that used to worry me into sharp perspective, but the actual house buying process, never mind the personal issues involved for me, is supposed to be a major source of stress. Is it a risk worth taking? It’s difficult to figure out the best way forward when there are so many things to consider. Even my siblings are unable to give a genuinely selfless opinion because they have families and lives of their own in different places and I think have always been secretly quite relieved that I am always on hand to help out our parents and keep my dad on an even keel. I feel quite envious of their situations – happily married and with children, something I’m beginning to think might never happen for me. So maybe setting up in a home of my own might give me the satisfaction of having achieved something that is mine. I ponder all of these things so much and in the end, end up doing nothing. I could drive myself crazy! Thank you for reading what has become a bit of a lengthy ramble! Any advice would be much appreciated. x
In addition to these considerations, my parents themselves are a big factor causing me to question everything. My dad suffers from anxiety and can be depressed. He and I are very close and I know that he is not at all keen for me to leave. We get on so well, we are so alike in so many ways and my mum reckons no one can lift his spirits in quite the way I can. I can’t bear the thought of my actions causing him stress however I also sometimes feel I can’t make decisions about my own life purely for his sake. On top of this he was diagnosed with a major illness this year and is currently still receiving treatment. Prognosis at this point is not entirely bleak but there’s no sign of an all clear yet either. So there could be many many more years for my parents to be together but there is also the chance that this could be shortened in which case it would be a comfort for my dad to have both me and my mum with him and also for me to be with my mum should the worst happen. There is a place really near my parents which I’m considering buying so I would literally be round the corner but I am still really torn. If I’m not 100% certain should I be taking such a huge jump?
My own anxiety levels have been fairly settled for a while now. I think my dad’s illness really put some of the things that used to worry me into sharp perspective, but the actual house buying process, never mind the personal issues involved for me, is supposed to be a major source of stress. Is it a risk worth taking? It’s difficult to figure out the best way forward when there are so many things to consider. Even my siblings are unable to give a genuinely selfless opinion because they have families and lives of their own in different places and I think have always been secretly quite relieved that I am always on hand to help out our parents and keep my dad on an even keel. I feel quite envious of their situations – happily married and with children, something I’m beginning to think might never happen for me. So maybe setting up in a home of my own might give me the satisfaction of having achieved something that is mine. I ponder all of these things so much and in the end, end up doing nothing. I could drive myself crazy! Thank you for reading what has become a bit of a lengthy ramble! Any advice would be much appreciated. x