worrying so much about HIV

[emmelyne]

I don't know what to do. Firstly, in late 2011 I had unprotected sex with someone I barely knew (biggest mistake of my life) and afterwards everything was fine. I didn't get the 'flu like' symptoms any time afterwards, but recently I consulted google (another HUGE mistake, makes everything 10x worse I know..!) and it said that some people dont get ANY symptoms. So obviously that sparked off worry and anxiety, for every day for the past few months now its been worrying me so so much, I can't eat or sleep right from fear of this.

He was British, heterosexual but I now know he was sleeping with at least two other girls. I'm so worried. I'm going to see my GP on Thursday about asking for a blood test but do you think this is just my anxiety exaggerating every little thing? it was 2 years ago and ive had the flu a couple of weeks ago but that can't be related surely... I'm making myself go crazy! please help..

[DaisyPolly]

Hi emmelyne, welcome to this site. You'll find lots of friends on here who understand.

You are doing the right thing going to the Drs but I would imagine the chances of you catching HIV from this guy are remote. That's not to say that you shouldn't be more careful in the future but I'm sure your Dr will be able to reassure you.

When you have HA you worry about every little thing and it's awful, maybe you should mention that to your GP too.

Good luck hun

[cpe1978]

Firstly you can never be guaranteed that unprotected sex is safe, and for me it would seem sensible to visit a GUM clinic to get yourself checked for STDs. I should say though that the chances are exceptionally slim.

Ok onto HIV - again without testing you can never been absolutely guaranteed, but as I understand it the chances are virtually nil. I haven't got time right now to research the stats but let's say for sake of argument that 1 in 5000 heterosexual males have HIV. In addition the chances if HIV transmission, whilst possible, from a single sexual encounter is much lower than you think. Let's say for the purpose of this discussion 1%.

So in statistical terms at least the odds are wildly in your favour. 1/100*1/5000 or roughly one in half a million. If you are really worried you could pay privately for a same day test which will almost certainly tell you that you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

[harasgenster]

It's definitely your anxiety exaggerating things. You are not in a risk group for HIV, it isn't as easy as you think to transmit HIV and you have no symptoms.

What you are scared of is uncertainty: not knowing whether you have HIV or not. I would suggest not going to the doctors and learning to live with the uncertainty - i.e. learn to trust that you are ok. Sounds much easier than it is, of course! After all, the chance of you having HIV is infinitesimally slim, so I feel totally confident telling you you don't need a test.

[emmelyne]

Hi emmelyne, welcome to this site. You'll find lots of friends on here who understand.

You are doing the right thing going to the Drs but I would imagine the chances of you catching HIV from this guy are remote. That's not to say that you shouldn't be more careful in the future but I'm sure your Dr will be able to reassure you.

When you have HA you worry about every little thing and it's awful, maybe you should mention that to your GP too.

Good luck hun

Hi, thank you. I think the test will put my mind at rest but I am still worrying it will come up with a positive.


Firstly you can never be guaranteed that unprotected sex is safe, and for me it would seem sensible to visit a GUM clinic to get yourself checked for STDs. I should say though that the chances are exceptionally slim.

Ok onto HIV - again without testing you can never been absolutely guaranteed, but as I understand it the chances are virtually nil. I haven't got time right now to research the stats but let's say for sake of argument that 1 in 5000 heterosexual males have HIV. In addition the chances if HIV transmission, whilst possible, from a single sexual encounter is much lower than you think. Let's say for the purpose of this discussion 1%.

So in statistical terms at least the odds are wildly in your favour. 1/100*1/5000 or roughly one in half a million. If you are really worried you could pay privately for a same day test which will almost certainly tell you that you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

thank you for your reassurance, but statistics and actual results in my mind are two totally different things :( I think a normal test would be fine, but at least I've tested.. I've had no symptoms but reading that thing about having it without symptoms completely scared me!


It's definitely your anxiety exaggerating things. You are not in a risk group for HIV, it isn't as easy as you think to transmit HIV and you have no symptoms.

What you are scared of is uncertainty: not knowing whether you have HIV or not. I would suggest not going to the doctors and learning to live with the uncertainty - i.e. learn to trust that you are ok. Sounds much easier than it is, of course! After all, the chance of you having HIV is infinitesimally slim, so I feel totally confident telling you you don't need a test.

Thank you so so much, however with a test it will stop the worry....although I agree I need to learn to not rely so heavily on the wonderful NHS system ;)

[debs71]

Hi Emmelyne,

I do understand your fears. I've been there myself.

I have only had 3 sexual partners in my 42 years, and have always been careful about intimacy. I was seeing someone for several years, however subsequently found out that he was seeing numerous other women as well as me, without using protection (though he claimed otherwise) Our intimacy was not always protected (my stupid fault, as well as his, I'm ashamed to say)

I was very worried about this, as well as angry as I had put a lot of trust in him. The first thing I did was get myself to my local GUM clinic, and though scared stiff, I was offered an STD screening and HIV test and accepted.

It was clear of everything.

As others have said, it is very hard to be rational and not worry about exposure to HIV or any STD when you discover that you have been at risk, even a small one. You must bear in mind that it has been 2 years since you had unprotected sex with that person. That is a substantial amount of time, and yet you are still well I assume. i have never heard of HIV infection being totally asymptomatic. Most people get fluey symptoms as you mentioned, i think it is around 6 weeks after being exposed (not sure if I remember that right....I avoid Googling!) You said you had none, and to be honest, as people have said already, I think your chances of infection are very, very slim. You would be incredibly rare and unlucky to have contracted it.

I would highly recommend the GUM clinic. Not knowing, and just sitting and worrying is clearly not helping you at all, and the only way of moving forwards is to get tested. I know the thought is scary, but it is better to be pro-active about your health and welfare if you can. When you get the result you want (I am sure you will) you can then finally move onwards and upwards with your life.

Big hug to you.x:hugs:

[harasgenster]

Thank you so so much, however with a test it will stop the worry....although I agree I need to learn to not rely so heavily on the wonderful NHS system ;)

Great, although I think you should rely VERY heavily on our wonderful NHS and get yo' ass to therapy! The only reason I suggested avoiding the test is that sometimes people have the test and then start worrying about false negatives and get more tests. Your challenge is to accept the results of the test :D

And if you want to get a full STD MOT, the most common ones are Chlamydia and Gonorrhea (totally treatable, btw). When I've done something I regretted in the past, I took myself to a GUM clinic and got the full MOT. That's swabs for most illnesses and bloods for HIV and Syphilis. There's certain things they don't test for without symptoms, but that's basically because they won't bother you if you are asymptomatic :)

Good luck and I'm sure you're fine!

[emmelyne]

Hi Emmelyne,

I do understand your fears. I've been there myself.

I have only had 3 sexual partners in my 42 years, and have always been careful about intimacy. I was seeing someone for several years, however subsequently found out that he was seeing numerous other women as well as me, without using protection (though he claimed otherwise) Our intimacy was not always protected (my stupid fault, as well as his, I'm ashamed to say)

I was very worried about this, as well as angry as I had put a lot of trust in him. The first thing I did was get myself to my local GUM clinic, and though scared stiff, I was offered an STD screening and HIV test and accepted.

It was clear of everything.

As others have said, it is very hard to be rational and not worry about exposure to HIV or any STD when you discover that you have been at risk, even a small one. You must bear in mind that it has been 2 years since you had unprotected sex with that person. That is a substantial amount of time, and yet you are still well I assume. i have never heard of HIV infection being totally asymptomatic. Most people get fluey symptoms as you mentioned, i think it is around 6 weeks after being exposed (not sure if I remember that right....I avoid Googling!) You said you had none, and to be honest, as people have said already, I think your chances of infection are very, very slim. You would be incredibly rare and unlucky to have contracted it.

I would highly recommend the GUM clinic. Not knowing, and just sitting and worrying is clearly not helping you at all, and the only way of moving forwards is to get tested. I know the thought is scary, but it is better to be pro-active about your health and welfare if you can. When you get the result you want (I am sure you will) you can then finally move onwards and upwards with your life.

Big hug to you.x:hugs:

oh thank you, this reply was a big reassurance to me, I will go and see my GP about it too....i just feel like this is such irrational thinking but I know 50% of me will always be irrational, the other half will have rational thinking. It's just good to learn to concentrate on the former half... thank you :hugs:

---------- Post added at 19:05 ---------- Previous post was at 19:02 ----------


Great, although I think you should rely VERY heavily on our wonderful NHS and get yo' ass to therapy! The only reason I suggested avoiding the test is that sometimes people have the test and then start worrying about false negatives and get more tests. Your challenge is to accept the results of the test :D

And if you want to get a full STD MOT, the most common ones are Chlamydia and Gonorrhea (totally treatable, btw). When I've done something I regretted in the past, I took myself to a GUM clinic and got the full MOT. That's swabs for most illnesses and bloods for HIV and Syphilis. There's certain things they don't test for without symptoms, but that's basically because they won't bother you if you are asymptomatic :)

Good luck and I'm sure you're fine!

I am seeing a counsellor at college at the moment! hahaha I agree, that's true... I also did wonder about false negs/pos' and if that would spark more worry....ugh it doesnt help with my fear of needles too! I AM RIDICULOUS. hahaha