I need help. Please?

[Ruined]

Hey, I hope you're all doing okay.

I'm not very good at talking to people, but I really don't know what else to do and I don't really have anywhere else to turn.

I've suffered from depression since I was 9 years old, started self harming at the age of 13, was in an abusive relationship at 20 and diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder after my partner assaulted me. And since then my whole life seems to have been a disaster.

I won't bore you with all the details, but I've recently had to leave my job due to being ill with anxiety and crippling depression. I'm pretty much at rock bottom right now and I don't know what to do. I've self harmed tonight for the first time in 2 years, I'm not on speaking terms with either of my parents at the minute (even though I live with them) because they're so sick of having to take care of me due to my illness.

I feel completely alone and I can't cope. I've been constantly let down by the doctors I've seen, so I'm very reluctant to go back there.

I'm not sure what I'm expecting from this post, except maybe to feel a bit less alone? There's no-one in the chat room, and I really need to talk to someone, but I feel bad ringing the Samaritans again because I have no money and I always have to ask them to ring me back (which I feel bad for because it's wasting their money on someone who doesn't deserve it.)

Sorry for ranting.
x

[Andria24]

Hey there :)

I'm sure there's more support out there than you're aware of. There's also a lot that can be found online.

What you need to do is to find someone that will not only listen but support you through this. If you're getting nowhere with your doctor then change. I understand what you're saying about this being long term, and how things are with your mum and dad, and of course that won't help how you feel right now.

On the other hand you're here, looking for help and support, so perhaps now you're ready to take the bull by the horns and change as much as you can into positives. And there are other support networks out there, not just the Samaritans.

I'm sure there's lots of info on the site so start having a look around and see what's available :)

[Otter13]

Hi, I hope you are feeling a bit better today. I'm sorry you are having these problems but there is support out there. I've found this forum wonderful! Full of knowledgeable and supportive people. Can you ask your doctor to refer you to your community mental health team? They can put you in touch with any groups, day centres or care workers that you might benefit from. Good luck, stay strong, and remember to be nice to yourself. :hugs: