please help!!

[cham]

this time last year i was on this forum seeing help for my health anxiety, which i can now say has subsided.

however here i find myself back on the forum seeking advice.

I have been seeing a girl for a year now and at 28 origionally felt the best relationship iv had in my life. We are just so compatable. We have been through some very difficult times over the year, such as abortion and so on. In june my gf's mood gradually began to lower. This resulted in her social life decresing etc and our time with the 2 girls (from previous relationships) as a family dissapeared. Things have really got worse. She has been diagnosed with depression, and admits getting worse not better. She has now stopped staying over mine, hiding away in her granfathers, and all intamacy has withered down into nothing. she has stopped texting, and if i text her which is not often, she is very short, and to the point. Iv tried not to be so selfish and not think about my feelings and on times she has reassured me of our relationship. but i dont want to pester her, which will make things worse. Iv offered support and said will give her the space she needs. Yet she will still meet friends, go to uni, and be fine when we work. Why am i being rejected? I come on here as its affecting my mental state, and i am beginning to suffer with low moods myself.

Please do not suggest a break as we are realistically on one. and i cant let this girl go because i love and want to support her through these tough times. im just looking for similar experiences, or the truth as to if this isnt depression and she just wants out?

many thanks,

mark

[Otter13]

Hi, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. I can only speak from personal experience as I don't know your girlfriend. When I get very low bouts of depression I push people who love me away. I shut myself up because I feel like I'm toxic and I don't want to bring others down. I have said horrible things to my partner to drive him away and prove to myself that I am indeed useless and hurtful. I have been with my current feller for 9 years, mostly because he is incredibly patient and accepts that the stuff I am saying is a result of my illness. He gives me space when I need it and support even when I'm telling him to feck off. I have no idea how he copes with me when I am like that. he must have the patience of a saint and he must really love me. So I guess all you can do is reassure her that you love her and that support is there is she wants it. Good luck and I hope things improve for you soon. :hugs:

[cham]

i cant thank you enough for your reply!! we have had many chats, and she has explained how she feels things are unfair for me etc. but i reassure her how i love her, will give her space and always be there for her. As i said the other day "ill be waiting for you on the other side" lol. We not long ago had a chat, and i can see how negative she is about being the person she was ect. i have done lots of research in order to help and learn , and she is willing to go back to the doctors. I suppose i just need to be less selfish and respect what she wants. again many thanks!!

[Otter13]

I don't think you are being selfish! You have to validate your own feelings too. I think you are being extremely caring and supportive. This situation sounds so much like me and my feller. i wish I could get him on here to tell you how he copes because I honestly have no idea. All I know is that when my mood improves and he is still there I am so grateful to him for his support and love. It's great that she is willing to go back to the doc and I hope they can find something that will help. Trust me, your love is going to mean a lot to her through trying times. Keep up the good work but remember to be nice to yourself too! :hugs: