im ready to admit it!

[sparkely88]

well hey guys im 25 female! i used to suffer from severe severe panic attacks! i acually beat it so i thought lol almost 2 years ago on my own with patients and education. i havnt had a panic attack for months and months and months ahh feels great!so in the last year and a half i guess i have kind of revurted (spelling) backwards to my teens years party very hard being a fool doing stupid crap blah blah blah. i met this guy who was so amazing he made me felt like eufoic i almost got addicted to how he made me feel! like out fo a movie something ive never had before. andyways we got pregnant twice in 2 months or 3 months very close um let me explain... pull out method mmm hmmm no no doesnt work i lost the baby when i was 8 weeks. went on birth control right away um got pregnant on it uhh yaaa i might have used it wrong? lost that baby then had a scare and took a plan B then went on the stupid I.UD and bla h blah blah all that history has messed chemistry right up. now pleasse dont judge my story because i know i was a mornon however i have learned from my mistakes and have begun the challange of excepting my past!
so i used to be a bubbly happy outgoing girl i lite up a room and in the last year i have battled depression and i would never ever ever admit it because i was so afraid of depression i told myself it was hormones.
its not! its so not and i struggle every waking day every second. its brutal. im in mental pain all day everyday if im happy im faking it. the first time i admitted it was only 2 weeks ago when enough is enough, im thinking of trying st johns warts? i feel like i lost my self and im not sure why? i dont even think the same anymore. im not even as attentive to my kid why? why? why?????? why??? why am i like this? what went so wrong over the last year? when i used to get sad i would pick up a self help book and read it and feel so much better now when im sad i dont eat sleep drink water i isolate myself from everyone im in a dark place. i wish i knew what to do. this is a battle i dont know if i can win! thanks for listening

[Andria24]

Sparkley - you're like this because you're like this. You've avoided embracing what's wrong through fear and, by the sound of it, embarrassment. It's ok to suffer depression and/or anxiety. Millions suffer, millions always will.

What you need to do is stop hiding (from yourself as much as anything else) and face it. Accept it, deal with it. It won't go away, ever, unless you deal with it.

Make a doctors appointment. Get started on healing yourself. That's why you're here - you're looking for answers and support. You're getting them. You can do this, you know you can :hugs:

And welcome to the site :welcome:

[Annie0904]

Hi Sparkley you seem to have been through a lot of difficult emotions recently. Losing a baby isnt easy whatever the circumstances and would also afect your hormone balance which could have been the trigger for your anxiety and depression. I think you should see your doctor and maybe a referal for counselling will help. Your doctor will also be able to discuss medication with you. St Johns wort fidnt work for me but that doesnt mean it wont for you but check out interactions with other medicines as it cant be taken along side some prescribed meds. Again it is probably best to discuss with your gp first.