I don't know how to keep going :(

[sophieunderscore]

Hello Everyone,

I'm at a loss at the moment :weep:. My newest patch of anxiety started about 6 weeks ago when my parents told me they were moving to London - not permanently and they come back frequently, but as I live with them and rely on them quite a lot it was a bit of a shock.

I saw the Dr about my anxiety and he put me on Sertraline 50mg, I've had side effects since I started them and they're still not really gone. Every night I wake up at about 4am with my heart beating out of my chest, then when I wake up again in the morning my first thought is "what if today is the day I die?". I've been to the Dr, they've told me I'm healthy, nothing to worry about, but I can't shake this feeling of impending doom. Then I worry about car crashes or other accidents. I am 25 and this is taking over my life again and I'm so scared. :weep: I am starting counselling properly next week (I have had an assessment) but I've reached the point where I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not suicidal at all, death terrifies me more than anything else, I just can't see the point of doing things anymore.

Sorry this isn't really a question or anything, just want some reassurance/hugs/someone to talk to xxxx

[pacer]

You're doing the right thing by getting counselling. What type are you having?
Speak to your GP about your side effects from the sertraline, maybe you need a lower dose until you get used to it properly.

[sophieunderscore]

I'm not sure what type of counselling it is - I think it's a more traditional talking therapy rather than CBT but I'm not 100% sure. I have an appointment next Thursday with the Dr, I have been on Sertraline for depression before, with no side effects, but it just doesn't seem to be working for my anxiety :(

[sophieunderscore]

Well mum is leaving for a week in 5 minutes and I'm feeling terrified, worried I'll never see her again. I'm 25 and I feel like a baby, I should be able to be on my own for a week :(

[DaisyPolly]

Sophie, calm down sweetheart.

Of course you'll see your mum again. The chances of anything awful happening are miniscule. I know it's hard when you get something in your head but just try to relax. Take a warm bath and do some deep breathing. Just think when your mum comes back in a week and you've coped (and you will) you'll be so proud of yourself.

On the subject of you waking in the early hours, did you see that programme last night 'Trust me I'm a Doctor' they were doing sleep tests and apparently it's the later part of the night (just before morning) that you go into REM sleep which is when the brain processes worrying thoughts. The fact that you are not getting that REM sleep could be why you're waking up anxious. It actually said that on the programme.

Good luck this week, let us know how you get on :hugs:

[sophieunderscore]

Thanks Daisy - I know the chances are tiny but it's so hard when your brain is telling you it's real :weep: I managed the week before last without her being here but I'm still so nervous.

I didn't see that program, what channel was it on? I will have a look for it on catch up as it sounds very interesting.

[DaisyPolly]

It was on BBC2.

Not sure we health anxious people should be watching medical programmes but hey ho it was an interesting watch.

The brain is an amazing thing but sometimes don't you wish it had like a dimmer switch so you could turn your feelings down a tad! lol

Keep plodding on my dear! :)

[Iced_diamond]

Hi there, don't apologise for not asking a specific question-that's what's great about this forum-you don't have to have a question, you can just get things off your chest and hopefully get some support and help from others here. :) I totally understand your feelings, as I often feel this way as well. Especially the whole waking up early thing-I have that as well and I'll just start worrying over things-everything and anything. I am 29 now and actually only moved out of parents home just over a year ago. I've always been very close to them and worry too that things will happen in my absence, but like Daisy Polly says, everything always turns out fine and these bad things we worry about are usually very remote. You'll probably find that the week will fly by. Will you be keeping in touch with your mum? You could talk to each other on the phone every day. I usually call my mum at least every other day despite only leaving within walking distance of her. You'll be fine-don't worry. :bighug1:

[sophieunderscore]

Thanks for your reply iced_diamond. It's good to know other people feel the same. I've woken up feeling terrible again, hardly any sleep and worried this is it for me, I keep getting weird feelings in my head and am scared it's an aneurysm :( I'm scared I'm never going to get over this, what if I spend every day scared it's my last! I also worry about what will happen when my parents eventually die and how I will cope. I don't have many friends and I am so alone :( sorry for a depressing message but I feel very down today.

[Raphaels]

Hello, Sophie. I'm new to the chat room. Read your problem. CBT us talking but then the psychologist asks you to rethink the way your thinking. Which us what we all need to do. This includes me. I have CBT every other week. Has it helped not sure yet. But it does make me think more clearly. In the end no one can help us except us. However we do need support to go through it. This is something I do not have. No female friends. My husband and son are to some extent supportive but I need true female friends. You can keep going because we are survivors all of us. Tomorrow may be better, today is just a blip. Keep going.

[sophieunderscore]

It's taking me all my strength to not ring my mum and beg her to come home, thank you everyone for your replies, feel free to PM me raphaels if you want to chat xx

[Karol.Papis]

Hi Sophie, it actually sounds like you've done the best thing you could have done. I hope you got a good quality therapist and that you find them approachable and knowledgeable - this is a very good predictor of getting the anxiety decreased through counselling. Life often expects us to adjust to new situations - sometimes when we did not ask for any changes to our present situation... Try to believe it will all make you stronger for the future... and Good luck :)