Get upset too easily

[Iced_diamond]

Hi, does anyone else feel that they get upset about things too easily? Especially about getting told off slightly? Whilst other people seem to have a crocodile like skin and can bounce things off of them easily, I really struggle to let a comment or a remark go. For example, the other day I created a new spreadsheet and then my boss said I made the spreadsheet awkward to work with because of the way I formatted it-I got really upset about that and felt bad for what I had done wrong-I couldn't let that go. Chances are my boss didn't mean it to upset me. There are many other different examples I could mention, where I have become very upset about like being told by a museum worker that I wasn't allowed to sit in a chair, being asked not to walk out of the entrance door in a supermarket-I guess just trivial things really that people say without thinking about, but things like that get me so so upset and I feel like crying. I know it may seem stupid to become upset so easily-I am wondering if it may be partly to do with anxiety...

[almamatters]

I am exactly the same, I get upset over any little criticism and stress so badly when I get told I have done something wrong. I think it is anxiety related, but I am very sensitive as well, so anything upsets me! I have had a couple of incidents this week that have really got to me, one was where work colleagues were having a bit of a joke at my expense, it really hurt me and instead of laughing with them, I really felt like crying.
I don't know how to develop a thicker skin so I can't advice on that, perhaps we are naturally like this, it does have it's good points though, I like to think we are more tolerant and respect other people's feelings. :)

[Andria24]

Yes and no (for me), and it depends who said it and why. And of course anxiety plays it's part.

Having anxiety in the first place magnifies everything. Pretty much. A few weeks ago a headache would've been a headache. Since my nerves frayed and anxiety kicked in a headache is a sign of (my) rapidly impending doom.

I don't want to die but I appear to spend a lot of time lately torturing myself about it, how it will be, feel etc. I recognise it's the 'anxious me' and yet I don't care. Misery loves company so, currently, me and my anxiety are buddied up like pigs in a poke.

So saying that right now a bit of criticism will affect me differently. My husband tried it on for size yesterday. He didn't actually say anything devastating but Anxious Me decided that he had.

No wonder I'm dropping weight like a rapidly rising air balloon.

What you're experiencing is par for the course with the anxiety stuff. What you need to do is accept it's part of the problem, the illness if you like. Then you need to compartmentalise, if you can, in order to sort the wheat from the chaff. Slowly but surely this is the way in which you and I and others like us can make sense, and start overcoming our anxious selves.

We can do it, I'm sure we can :hugs:

[Iced_diamond]

Thank you Almamatters and Andria. It's nice it's not just me. The dumb thing is, I usually know that I'm being too sensitive, but just can't snap out of it. I also take a 'telling off' or a negative comment as something that will escalate and turn into something terrible! I imagine all these negative scenarios as a result of something I have done wrong or if I made a mistake! I'm not having any sort f therapy or anything like this, but I am wondering if this may help, as often I find I can't really talk to friends or family...

[Andria24]

Of course the end choice us yours but I'd hazard a guess at saying that therapy can only be a good thing :)

[Tessar]

Iced_diamond, I could have written your post myself. Have a look here, it might help you a bit.... & you'll see that I have the same or similar problems..... But I will say, if you work at it, it can get better.

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=131602

[Edie]

I think you'll find this is extremely common in anxiety, or depression. We are more sensitive and our self-esteem is easily knocked.

This is exactly the kind of thing therapy can help with though, so it could well be worth a try. Therapy can teach you to think differently, not jump to the conclusion you've done something terrible all the time. Recognising the way your thoughts are going wrong is the first step to changing them, so you're already on your way.

[Tessar]

I wholeheartedly recommend therapy. It really will help you. I see a counsellor and she helps me put things in perspective and at the same time I am receiving comfort too which in turn helps me feel less vulnerable and more confident. It really is worth giving it a go.

[Iced_diamond]

Thanks Tessar and Eddie. I have often thought about seeking therapy about this kind of stuff, but I'm always lead to believe by my partner and family that that therapy is just expensive and that the therapist won't be able to tell me anything that I don't know already! I know I shouldn't feel this way, but sometimes I also think that if people find out that I am having therapy (like work colleagues, friends etc.), they'll doubt my capabilities, because they'll think I'm 'weird' or something... But I really want to do something about this, as I really get fed up to the point where I don't know what to do anymore. I'll have a worry about something, because someone was maybe a little insensitive to me and the worry sits really deep in me and I can literally feel a blockade in my body that stops me from sleeping, makes me lose my appetite and just pace around trying to think of things to do to make it better...What's upsetting as well is that my boyfriend can always tell when I'm hiding something and keeps asking what's wrong, but I don't like t say: " Oh, someone upset me today and that's why I'm upset...", because he always says I should wise up and not be "stupid"...

[Tessar]

Iced_diamond; i can say with total confidence that a therapist would guide you into new discoveries. in my experience, they open your eyes to new ways of thinking and give you the confidence to try new ways of behaving too, this is what leads you to recovery & to new levels of self-esteem & confidence. Then you will be in a position to withstand so much more in life.

I went into therapy thinking she's give me loads of answers. Well in a round about way she did but it was through gradually showing me different ways of looking at things and also addressing unpleasant experiences from my past & showing me how they were influencing me now in the present.

I relate to your doubts about people finding out you are having therapy. It took me a while to get my head around that one a few years ago she I was doing CBT. I did worry about what some of my colleagues might think, but on the whole, having gained enough confidence to tell the ones I trusted.... They were really understanding & supportive. It transpired My fears were ungrounded.

My view these days is that if someone wants to laugh about it or poke fun.... Do I really care? No. I might have done at the outset but not anymore. These days i am seeing a counsellor & it means periodically i am late into work. All my colleagues know I go to see a counsellor. When my boss asked how I'd like to explain my absences, I said we can tell them the truth. I am confident enough these days to say that and that's as a result of seeing my therapist all those years ago.

As regards your capabilities, i get the impression you are a conscientious person, and therefore am thinking the quality of your work speaks for itself. In my view the therapy will only improve your capabilities as an employee because ultimately you will be more balanced and confident. Any of your colleagues thinking otherwise are small-minded and can bog off. Send them to me, I'll sort them out.

It's all very well your boyfriend saying you should wise up and not be "stupid" but he has a totally different mindset, with a different upbringing and experiences in life to you. Perhaps he is biologically less inclined to feel emotions as well. This is why he might say those things but he can't relate to your reactions & feelings as its not in his make-up. But it is in mine which Is why is am saying You go for it Iced_Diamond. The way you describe things reminds me strongly of how I felt before therapy. I really do have a habit of taking things way too much to heart (i still do it now but am able to spot myself dojng it and can thereby cope much better). As we sound similar, that's why I have confidence in therapy, CBT etc working for you because it did for me.
x

---------- Post added at 09:18 ---------- Previous post was at 09:17 ----------

Oh I meant to say, that it's good your boyfriend notices when something is up as it means he can relate to your feelings at that level & he is trying, in his own way, to be supportive when he realises something's up.

[Iced_diamond]

Thank you Tessar- you're very kind to always take the time to reply and I appreciate it. I guess maybe in a way I am trying to fool myself that I am fine and that I don't need therapy or CBT, because I am scared of actually arranging it and going for it and I'd rather bury my head in the sand and say: " Ok, that was the last time I will act like this, next time I won't..." Then comes next time and of course I start all over again...Maybe The subtext is that I want to try to make it out alone, but I can't... I think I will start having a look around to see if I can get some help-if after a few sessions I feel it's not for me, I guess I can always drop it. On a slightly different note, I was considering maybe getting myself a pet, as it may calm me down a bit and give me a pre-occupation. Trouble is I live in a flat, which limits me somewhat... My boyfriend has-to be fair-put up with a lot from me, but sometimes it just does his head in too much and I need to go out and see some friends or spend the day with my mum or something. I just wish I wasn't like this. :wacko:

[Tessar]

Thank you Iced_Diamond, I am very happy to spend time posting to you because by sharing how it was for me, hopefully will make a difference to you and anyone else who is considering therapy. It is a big decision and not easy to go looking for someone to see. I remember a while back when I decided to see my counsellor that I couldn't believe it was necessary. I put it off a few times but am so glad I made the leap.
Yeah I can relate to what you say. I'm lucky as I can have a cat, she is lovely and having a to does help for sure. Over the years, I wished I could relate as well to humans as I did my cats! Sometimes I felt like forgetting about humans & just focusing in my cat.... But obviously that wouldn't get me very far In life.
I kind if "fell" into therapy all those years ago... My GP recommended it & I just went along with it. I had to be seen by a psychiatrist first & was thinking I must therefore be mad. But no I was deeply depressed, not mad! I recall my first session too wondering what on earth am I doing here? There is nothing wrong with me, I am a fraud. But after a few sessions, as I started to get into it, it became clear to me that many of my experiences in life had brought me to where I was.
My experience of CBT was good because not only did I have somewhere safe to talk, but also my therapist gave me the confidence to try new things. Of course it wasn't always easy but then trying something new can be uncomfortable. But I can be sure the effort was worthwhile. The skills you learn can be applied not only in personal situations but work ones too. That's why I feel the experience would be positive for you.
I use the skills i learned every day of my life. Some are so deeply embedded now I don't notice that I am using them. Other times if something upsetting happens or I react emotionally to something, I am able to call on the skills and routines I learned. They make a difference. Instead of feeling all over the place and emotional for weeks or days, I can usually limit the damage to a few hours or just minutes sometimes.
Of course we will always have some level emotions as they are just our natural to us as individuals and they are part of our make-up. But you can find a happier balance & then you won't feel people can dump on you or out on you when you don't want. Instead you can stand your ground.
Well, I suppose I had best go do some chores..... I could spend my day on here as i do find it rewarding making a contribution. Dull tho they are I suppose I won't get any of my chores done if I don't move my backside, eh? Catch up later :-)

[Iced_diamond]

Thanks so much Tessar. This forum should be glad to have you as a member. I am now off to meet a friend in town-hopefully that will cheer me up a bit as well. Hoovering will wait until tonight. :)

[Tessar]

Thank you again, that's a very kind thing to say and makes me feel good :-)