Obsessed over checking my body for lumps and signs of the big c

[Chili9]

I have posted quite a lot but I just feel that I have one of the worst anxiety attacks I've had in a long time, a really bad flare up just now:weep:
I just can't cope anymore.
I have had anxiety for years but for the last 3 weeks it has been really bad then yesterday I thought it was starting to calm down until I found another symptom:doh:
I am constantly worrying about cancer. It is taking over my life. I am constantly poking and prodding my body for signs and now, you may laugh but I'm getting pains under my left arm pit, it's like I've shaved and not washed the soap off properly, it's itchy and sticky but I haven't put deodorant on under there for fear of aggravating it so don't think it's a reaction to that. I don't know if it's because I'm constantly poking about there that I'm making it worse? Has anyone else done this, made something worse because you can't leave it alone? I can't feel a lump in or around that area but I still think of the big C. I have only just come away from the doctor after getting blood tests for dizziness etc so don't want to annoy him. If they come back with high inflammation levels or anything abnormal I think I will cry. I feel I am losing my mind and constantly think I have these serious illnesses. Nothing can ever be simple. I don't want to google my symptoms because I did that years ago and it mentioned the big C in something which turned out to be simple and I know If I google this it will tell me something awful. Does anyone else worry over cancer? I know it's not something that anyone wants but I mean in a really obsessive way? I can't stop checking my body!!!!

[illgetthere]

I went threw a patch of checking poking prodding messing I fear the c word terrible it's a thought I have alday everyday :( I've had it for 2 years now out the blue x

[Chili9]

It's really awful. any symptom, even a simple spot or something and that's what automatically comes into my head! I check for lumps without even being aware. I could be sitting watching TV then I notice I am sitting poking and prodding my body and massaging around for lumps! So scary isn't it?! I've had this HA for 6 years now but GA since I was 11. This triggered when I had my daughter 6 years ago. Hope you're not too bad today?x

[illgetthere]

I don't check anymore well I do sometimes I find it terribly scary I picture all synarios in my mind but mine is also a fear of leaving my children without a mum I find it goes in circles from 1 to another to another to another :( I worry myself sick sometimes we'll all the time and if it's not the c word it'd my heart :( x

[Chili9]

I COMPLETLY relate to you!! If it's not the c word it's my heart too! And I feel the same about being a mum. I create scenarios too about how best to help my daughter cope etc. I never realised how common this type of anxiety is though! It's nice to know you're not alone but sad at the same time x

[priestbridge]

I really can relate to this fear too. It is horrible! Every ache and pain I have makes me think straight away of c . There are a lot of us with the same fear so you are not on your own!
Take care.

[jared]

I actually HAVE lumps. I refuse to give in to the panic mode though. It isn't cancer, I refuse to believe it, but I'm gonna get them checked anyhow. You gotta determine that you can't let these things control your life!

[MissW]

Chili, I worry about this all the time too. My big fear is melanoma. My Dad had it and I'm at high risk for it. I became so obsessive about it over the past few months that I saw my family doctor 3 times in one week about it, saw my regular dermatologist and my psychiatrist got me in to see another dermatologist to help put me at ease. I'm now about to start group therapy because of this health anxiety I have.

Right now, I'm having issues with sinus and what I think is silent reflux. But at the same time I'm very worried I could have a tumor hiding in my lungs or throat or sinuses that's been causing some bleeding that I've been having. I'm going to see my doctor about it next week.

Anyway, I just told you all of this, because I totally get where you are coming from. It's an awful way to live, in fear of this all of the time.

As far as your armpit goes, I have had that feeling in my armpit before a couple of times, and it went away. I think it's either from shaving, or an ingrown hair that gets irritated.

[Jo1981]

Hey i know how you feel as i feel exactly the same and its not nice..i constantly check my body for symtoms every little thing i think its someting serious :-( i have two young children and always think of how they would be if something was to happen to me..i just want these thoughts and feelings to go now so that i can enjoy my life with my family without worrying everyday about what could happen..not sure what to do any more..Jo x

[unsure_about_this]

Hi

I worry about cancer every single day, checking myself every day, I used to do about 35 self examinations per day, still doing about a couple per day/week.

Plenty of poking and prodding as well.

I been to the doctors lots of time, a few scans of abdominal.

[JC04]

Hello, I’m new and I have just popped in to say I totally understand. My latest cancer fear is gallbladder cancer after an ultrasound scan found a large polyp in my gallbladder. The radiologist stated that it’s ‘likely benign’. But, as you can imagine, saying ‘likely’ to someone with HA is not reassuring. I’ve been on ‘Doctor Google’ for the last 48 hours and am convinced it is not benign as it’s too big and on its own and therefore it’s malignant or at least pre-malignant. I’ve really crashed and burned with no eating, sleeping and constant crying and mental torture.


Just wanted to send hugs and light to all those currently suffering – you’re not alone :bighug1:
x

[Chili9]

Thanks for your replies everyone :) Although I wouldn't wish this on anyone I do feel a bit better in a way that it's not just me because I genuinely feel like I'm losing my mind. Jared, it all started because of a lump I found years ago, then I found a lump on my chest bone which turned out to be inflamed cartilage and I've had swollen glands for months if not longer and I got blood tests done and everything normal but I can't help worrying that the doctors have missed something and it could have been something bad all along. Good luck with your tests and I'm sure everything will be fine and I love your attitude on it:yesyes:
MissW you're also similar in the fact that cancer is in my family too and you know that if you're high risk then you your fear is even greater. Every single symptom, even I get trouble with my sinuses too and then the same thoughts as you race into my brain. Plus with my arm pit, it does kinda come and go, but I was even thinking that it might even be a reaction to the gel on the razor but then I think why isn't my other arm pit doing the same? Argh, drives me insane! if i'm not worrying about cancer (which is a lot), I worry about my heart, if I'm not worrying about my heart it's a blood clot (because that's also common in my family) I hope every one of you beats this. I am sending hugs to you all because I think people with anxiety are greatly misunderstood and don't get the help we need. Thank goodness for this forum as it's nice to speak to people who understand and to know that you're not alone.:flowers:

---------- Post added at 18:21 ---------- Previous post was at 18:12 ----------

Hi JC04 sorry I did not see your message until I posted. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you and just remember that we all think of the worst case scenario so, I feel like I'm not the best to give advice because I know I would be exactly how you are but try and take each day as it comes. Someone once said to me that "worrying won't change anything or the outcome so worry about it at the time" although that's easier said than done. Let us know how you get on. I was going through the same emotional turmoil 5 years ago as one doc said she found a lump and I ended up with colonoscopies and endoscopies etc and I cried in the surgery and the specialist told me to basically get a grip as someone my age it is unlikely to be the big c. In the lead up to the tests I didn't eat and didn't move from the sofa etc, just felt awful and the weight fell off me from the stress. Go for a nice warm bath and read a favourite book or whatever will help you relax, I know it's hard but please know that we are here if you need a chat and everything will be ok, Hugs to you :hugs:

[Sadkel]

I going through this too at the moment :(

Back ache from picking my little one up last week. Radiating through shoulders neck n arms on and off... Got me thinking the worst...

No one really understands but now my stomachs in knots n I feel sick...

I want it to go away

[Fishmanpa]

Chili,

Glad to see you're feeling a little better. The part about HA that baffles me the most is despite the negative tests and apparent sense of logic in your everyday life, something like a lump can control your thoughts for years.

This statement:

"it all started because of a lump I found years ago, then I found a lump on my chest bone which turned out to be inflamed cartilage and I've had swollen glands for months if not longer and I got blood tests done and everything normal but I can't help worrying that the doctors have missed something and it could have been something bad all along."

"years ago"... YEARS... Yet, despite all logic and constant worry, you're still here. Nothing sinister has happened. Not one of those lumps ever became anything. To think you've been consumed with this fear for years is sad :( I truly can't imagine living that way. My health issues (heart disease and cancer survivor) are truly serious and I don't give it much thought. I'm thankful to be here and live life to the best of my ability.

I do hope you get a handle on your HA and start living again as living in fear is not truly living.

Good luck... positive thoughts and prayers.

[JC04]

Thanks for your thoughts, Chili9. And thanks for the chilling out tips, I definitely need some of those. Glad to hear that your blood tests were clear.:yesyes: My doctor says that’s a really good indicator that nothing too sinister is going on in your body. I hope you get some chill out time this weekend.

[Chili9]

Hi Fishmanpa
Yeah, I see where you're getting at thank you:) I WAS feeling better but just came out of the bath with a MAJOR panic attack. Those swollen glands which were found a few months ago have been playing on my mind. Just now I seem to be getting a sore underarm and very sore and veiny breasts, they feel quite heavy. I took the morning after pill about 2-3 weeks ago as soon as possible so I can't be pregnant but looked up "early signs and symptoms of pregnancy" and guess what came up...you've guessed it!! The C word, i.e lymphoma and I just about broke down into a heap! I am petrified now as I have been feeling dizzy and shaky for about 2-3 weeks now and this pain under my arm and the sore breasts are making me think it is that now, even after having such a good day today, I was feeling positive, and bright and well fine basically and now this.:weep: I don't know what to do anymore....I can't deal with this no more...

---------- Post added at 21:06 ---------- Previous post was at 21:03 ----------

Hi Sadkel

I hope you're ok. It probably was just you picking your little one up the wrong way don't worry:bighug1: Why do we have to suffer with this though...? I'm so tired!

[JC04]

The MAP will definitely have affected your hormones so your sore, heavy, veiny breasts really could be hormonal rebalancing. Mine tend to feel like that for the whole second half of my cycle and it’s because my hormones are all over the shop and I’m very oestrogen dominant. Your symptoms sound like a hormone surge after the MAP. Keep an eye on any particular changes but any changes that affect both breasts are usually nothing to worry about. I know it’s tiring but don’t give up, this feeling is anxiety, it’s not you, you won’t always feel like this. This too will pass. Love to you all x

[Chili9]

Hi JC04
Thank you sweetie. I pulled myself together and I don't know what it was but something directed me to symptoms after coming off the contraceptive pill and it said that the symptoms are the same as early pregnancy symptoms and can last from 1 month to 12 months after coming off them. I don't want to be crude but don't want people thinking I was being silly but me and my partner were being careful, but the contraception failed so resulted in MAP. Some of the girls who came off the pill said that they had major anxiety and genuinely thought there was something wrong. I am sorry I freaked out there. It will still worry me regardless because of what I read but I get blood test results on Tuesday so just have to keep it together until then. Thanks so much. I'm grateful for this forum. Hugs to you too x

[joanne1967]

Hi im the same at the moment with me its my heart im constantly checking my pulse if its not that its the big c its horrible and never realised how many people suffered thought I was going insane til I found this site your certainly not alone xxx

[Chili9]

Hi Joanne1967 I do the same regarding my pulse and time it too. Cancer and heart problems seem to be the main worries for people with anxiety but I suppose they are the two biggest diseases so if we're going to think of the worst possible outcome then it's those! Sending you hugs and hope we all get over this :hugs: