Returning to work....work-related stress....

[AngelRose29]

Over the past few months I've been finding my job really stressful cos we were being overworked. I found myself crying a lot at work & home & feeling low & anxious all the time. A few weeks ago I made the decision to see my Dr & he signed me off with work-related stress. My manager was really awful with me on the phone & made me think that I could be sacked when I return if I wasn't capable. These past few days I've felt better in myself & ready to go back but then my work colleague told me that one of my supervisors who she has as a Facebook friend has been snooping on her account to see if she can find any conversations between us talking about work, there's none cos it's all done via PM of course.
This has now set me back & I've been crying all night cos I'm so worried they want rid of me now & are just looking for reasons. I called them today to say I'll be back next week but now I feel like I'm back like I felt before I got signed off :(. The job is stressing me out too much but it's gonna be hard to get something else but I don't want to be dismissed.

[kittikat]

How long have you worked there?

If over 2 years, it will take a lot to get rid of you...they can't just dismiss you.

Please don't just go back because you feel guilty, you need to get better first.

Take care hun, it's never easy but if the job is making you worse, is it really worth putting yourself through all this stress? I don't think so :hugs:

Kitti :) x

[Andria24]

Angel - for one your management cannot contact you when you're on sick leave. Secondly the nature of the phone call appears to one that is meant to upset and harass - very unprofessional and incredibly stupid.

My advice is that you need to empower yourself. Contact ACAS on 08457 47 47 47 - find out where you stand. You'll discover that employee rights also extend to you and that the company you work for has to observe the same rules and regulations as any other company.

Take control. You work to live, not the other way around. You've a right to be happy and respected. This is not the Dark Ages, and people cannot bully and harass just because they're above you. That just shows their metal.

And do not rush back to work. Rush back to see your doctor :hugs:

[AngelRose29]

The phoncall was when I called them to tell them I'd be off. She was just rude & acting like I was making it up. And it caused me to feel even more stressed & then I hear this & it's set me back & now I have no choice but to go back now cos I've told them so (they were ok with me when I called this time). I've been there over 5 years & this is the first long period of sickness I've had off. I'm dreading going back & them trying to get rid of me :(. Sometimes I want to hand in my notice but without another job it would be pretty stupid.

[MissW]

people cannot bully and harass just because they're above you.

I was just about to say the same thing. That manager who was really awful to you on the phone, was being a bully, and was more concerned about him/herself than they were about your health.

I worked for a bully too, in my last place of employment and once I sustained a minor back injury at work and my doctor told me I had to take time off. My manager was such a bully about it, was trying to make it seem as though I was making my injury out to be worse than it was, etc, etc. So out of fear and worry, I stayed at work and worked in pain, which delayed my getting better.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I really regret being bullied like that and had I been more aware, I would've realised that my manager, or the company, could not punish me for being injured. Just in the same way that your manager or company can't punish you for being ill. Weather it's mental illness or physical illness.

I agree with what the others say, find out about your rights and if you're not ready to go back to work, then I think you should go back to your doctor and get another note.

Take care of yourself first.

[AngelRose29]

Sometimes I wonder if it's just me seeing things differently & there's no problem at all, like I'm overly paranoid. And I just hate the fact that it seems like I'm not believed by my management team, I thought they knew me well enough by now to know that I'd never make up sickness & I'm a good worker etc but still get treated like rubbish cos I dare to let things stress me out.

[AngelRose29]

I remember my other work colleagues telling me when they were on the sick that they were pretty much accused of lying too about their sickness even with Drs notes & they've had lots of periods of sickness. It just made me worry so much hearing that they've been trying to snoop on me on FB. They're the ones actually causing me more stress by not believing me rather than just leaving me be. Part of me wants them to sack me so I can take them to a tribunal but I don't want to have to take that path if I can avoid it. I want to go in & do a good job like I used to & carry on helping out like I've always done, I just don't want to be pushed like before. Part of me wonders if I've made things worse for myself by taking this sick leave now :( I'm am also now feeling run down with a cold which is making me feel worse.

[Rennie1989]

You cannot get the sack because work made you stressed, your boss should be trying to make your work life less stressful for your return, not more!

I would probably speak to Citizens Advice Bureau about this, something doesn't smell right.

[AngelRose29]

You cannot get the sack because work made you stressed, your boss should be trying to make your work life less stressful for your return, not more!

I would probably speak to Citizens Advice Bureau about this, something doesn't smell right.

It was doing the extra work that was stressing me out, we were being treated like we had to do this even though it was well over contract hrs. I'd ask for less before I went off & it was basically a snappy "no". I want to go back, keep my head down & ride things out now & start looking & applying for other jobs. Just hope they aren't funny with me when I go back & make out that if I can't do the work then I'll be sacked like they sounded like I would on the phonecall, which was basically "we'll talk when you get back & if you're not capable then....." Cue me bursting into tears & feeling more stressed than ever.

[Fishmanpa]

I know we all need to work to pay our bills, eat, have a roof over our heads etc. BUT.... a job is just that... a job. It's always easier to find work when you're working so perhaps start networking and put out some feelers.

I love my job. It doesn't really fee like work because I enjoy it so much. And, I play/perform music part time (haven't for a while due to being sick but will return to it next year). There's something to be said in enjoying the work you do for sure.

No "job" is worth being sick over I assure you. No "job" warrants being treated like dirt or made to feel less of a person. Just the fact that you're taking action and looking elsewhere can empower you and uplift your spirit and attitude. I'm not saying quit or anything of the sort but do give some thought into finding a place or doing something that brings satisfaction to your life. I could be making more money elsewhere but quality is much more valuable than quantity in my case and opinion.

Good Luck!

[AngelRose29]

I can't even figure out what I'd like to do, that's realistic anyway. My dream would be working with cats/dogs but I'm almost 30 so I think that's too late to get into & I know it's hard. I have about 8 yrs experience in what I'm doing now so will prob have to stick with that if I have any chance of getting a job. I don't mind too much what I do but would be nice to retrain & start over :)

[Fishmanpa]

My dream would be working with cats/dogs

Veterinary Assistant? Dog/Cat Groomer? (there's a person here where I live that has a thriving little business doing that in peoples homes).

In my signature is a quote by King Solomon. I live by that! Take it to heart. Here's the thing. you're still young! 30 is by no means too old to start anew. Heck, I did it in my 50's! I've found in life, the things I regret the most are the things I didn't do as opposed to the things I've done. It's the "What If's" in life that nag us the most. The saddest thing I see in this world are those that stand on the edge and never jump off in fear of "What If?". At 30, you know how to swim. You're not going to drown if you jump in the water. The worst that can happen is you get a little wet. That's why we have towels in the linen closet.

And to boot, if you do jump off and find what you seek, a lot of the stress and anxiety you're experiencing now will become a thing of the past. To me, there's nothing worse than waking up in the morning and dreading going to work. Been there and done that I assure you. "Enjoy your work... seek out the things that bring your heart joy.... The rest is meaningless...Like chasing the wind"...

Good Luck!

[AngelRose29]

Thanks Fishmanpa for giving me an idea on the pet grooming. Gonna look into courses :). :yesyes: even if I have to stay in this job for a little while longer as long as I know there's an end to it, I'll be ok.

[Jonquil]

I am so sorry that you are going through this- I have been through a very similar situation over the course of this year with bullying and overwork leading to stress related illness. The feedback I got from colleagues seemed to be one of total scepticism about my condition and pressure from occupational health and HR to return before I was well.
A few things to say from my own experience:
1. ACAS are great- really helpful and I found HR backed off when I mentioned what I had been told by ACAS about my rights.
2. Do you belong to a union- let them know what is going on if you do. They can support you in meetings with your employer and advise you.
3. Keep written records of what is going on including emails etc- if they carry on in this way you may want to think about grievance/ legal action- ACAS can advise.
4. Only your GP can say you are well enough to return to work and sign you back even though occ health tried to suggest this was not the case to me.
5. I found the MIND advice line very helpful and supportive

Just to say in the end I just had to resign while still on sick leave without a job to go to as I knew I could not get well while still employed by them. Am now looking at a case for constructive dismissal. Have a new job and while still struggling at times I am better than could ever have been in my old job.

Hang in there

J x

[AngelRose29]

Should I have gotten a Dr's note to return to work? I haven't been back to see him as was feeling better. There's no chance of getting an appointment now anyway before I go back & I've already told them I'll be returning. I just hate this feeling of them thinking I'm making everything up & dreading what I'll be asked when I return. Other work colleagues have been accused of lying even with illness that can been seen physically. Things should be better when I go back workload wise anyway just need to get on with things & start applying for new jobs. Is sick leave for work related stress a disadvantage when trying to get a new job now? Won't that put employers off?

[Jonquil]

Has you sicknote run out? If not then really i think your employer would be unwise to let you return without your dr saying you are fit for work. If your sicknote has run out then i guess you can return without being signed as well, but again, given that you have been off with work related stress, i think they are unwise not to be asking for medical reports as they do have legal responsibility for your health and safety. In terms of getting another job, they cannot ask health related questions until after they offer the job. I was very honest at that stage and my new employer's occupational health did not raise concerns. I went for part time, fixed term contract job which i think is a good idea-they will be less worried about taking someone in who they can allow to go at end of contract if not up to job. Hope this helps, let us know how you get on.

[AngelRose29]

Yeah it will run out in a few days :( I think it's best I go back & then make plans to move on. Should've done that instead of going on sick but I really needed time out at that moment cos I couldn't see an end to it at all.

[AngelRose29]

Well I've been back at work two days now, nervous as hell. But I had a meeting today and it was ok, being dropped back down to contract hrs so less money but I should be less stressed. It's supposed to be like that for everyone now. You can't win in that place either too much or not enough. I'm gonna start applying for jobs & maybe look at other part time ones if I can & just see what happens. I can't stay in this job on those hours for that long :(

[Green Blossom]

Hello AngelRose 29,

I hope you are feeling better now. I got really stressed this year because I got given a lot of work and I was studying too. It is a little better now but I have learnt to start asserting myself.

My youngest sister is being bullied and has just been signed off. The posts on this thread will provide support for my sister. It breaks my heart to think of people being bullied and nothing ever gets done. More needs to be done by somebody.

As I said I hope you are ok. If you are in the Southampton/Hampshire area I will buy you a cup of tea xx

:hugs: