Big Step Backwards Today

[EMMA]

As you know I started my new job Monday. First two days I felt terrible but stuck it out. This morning I burst into tears and physically couldn't go in to work. I had to get my mum to phone my new boss and explain all the anxiety and panic I have been suffering due to exams/wedding/redundancy/new job etc and that this has made me feel really anxious at my new job.

Luckily he was really nice and understanding because his girlfriend has suffered this. I was then able to ring and speak to him myself. I was half expecting him to say he didn't want me to go back but instead he said to go to the doctors and find out if I need anymore time off and no to worry about it. I do feel better that he knows the situation and I am hoping that know I have told him I will feel better about going back.

I just feel that starting this new job has been too soon after everything else that has been going on in recent weeks and I feel I haven't had enough time to recover from the stress of everything.

I really want this job because it is what I want to do (accounting) and it will help me with my studies. I want to eventually become chartered but at the moment I feel capable of nothing!

I'm on the lowest dose of paroxetine at the moment and have only been taking them a week and a half. I'm hoping that I am still feeling like this because I haven't been taking them long enough for them to be taking full effect. I am on diazepam too to take away the side effects but don't want to take them for too long as they are addictive.

I just don't want to let this ruin my chances with this job and my career. Hopefully it will pass once the tablets start to work.

Feeling very low at the moment:(

[Elle-Kay]

(((Hugs for Emma)))

So sorry to hear that you had a bad day! But at least your boss was understanding - that must be a huge weight off of your mind :) Fear not, I'm sure that this is just a blip on the radar, and when you go back you'll be right back into the swing of things. Have you been to see your doctor? Has he signed you off for more days, or will you be back in tomorrow? Let me know, and I'll be thinking of you really hard and sending heaps of good vibes your way! :D

This is so obviously what you want to do for your living, so the next time you go in, if you feel a bit squiffy, do what I do - shout, scream and swear at your anxiety gremlin until he goes away (let's face it, these things are always men ;)). I shouted "NO!" at mine in the middle of the pavement on my first day, and I've even been known to tell it to "[insert naughty word here] off!" before now!! :D Thinking yourself in control of the situation is great, but verbalising it is even better, in my opinion :)

Be happy - what you're feeling now isn't forever!

Leah xx

~* Do what you want. Nobody else will do it for you *~

[EMMA]

Going to doctors tomorrow. Maybe they will increase my dose of meds and tell me to take a couple of days off. Can't win though because when I'm at home I feel worse because my mind goes into to overdrive and then I think I'm being silly.

I'll see what the doc says tomorrow. Maybe go back to work Monday and start a fresh.

Been for meal tonight with my bloke. Had some wine....perhaps not a good idea but I feel good at the moment.

Hope your job is going well. I keep trying to think of you and the fact that I'm not the only one feeling like it.

What are we like ey??

Take care

Em xx

[sarah]

Hi There Emma

Sorry you felt so bad but I too believe that its only a temporary blip.

Another point - maybe you are feeling worse due to just starting on your meds. When you take these drugs, for the first couple of weeks its quite common to feel naff while your body is getting used to them. Once you are used to them you should feel a million times better. Stick at it mate, we are all here for you!!!

love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

[sal]

Hi Emma

Hopefully this will only be temporary. Can see and understand how you feel but starting new tablets takes time and patience. I use diazepam when i feel really bad and although addicitve if taken when you need it and not relying on it you will get through. Give these tablets a chance. Your boss has been really good after such a short time so you now know that if you are at work and struggling you have the support you need. Hang in there you have done so well so far and with his support and understanding it will be a better enviroment to work in.

Good luck hon, you are doing so well. Any help you need we are all here to help you.

Remember how far you have come and starting a new job is not an easy step forward, but you did it even if only for a few days you still managed it so dont forget that. Keep it up you are not giving into it.

Lots of love Sal xxxxx:)

Even your darkest hour only last 60 minutes!!

Sal xxxxx

[EMMA]

Been to docs just. They have increased my paroxetine to 20mg and have signed me off work for a week. she said I should hopefully feel better by the end of next week and will be able to cope with work. It was probably the side effects of the tablets making me feel worse.

I am going to use this time to go and see a counsellor and also have some complimentary therapies. Was going to take the dog a walk today but the weather is terrible!!

Going to ring my boss now. Hopefully he will be understanding.

Feel a bit happier now than I did yesterday x

[malc38]

Hi Emma,
Sorry to hear how things have been going with your new job! i do know how you feel though!, i started a new job last year after having left mjy old one due to panic and anxiety, i was so scared that i wouldnt be able to cope and it would be horrible etc. After a couple of months there i told the people that i work with about my disorder and they were shocked as in they never would have guessed that anything was wrong which did make me feel better, i also told my boss who has been ever so good about it all as well. I find it ever so helpful that the people i work with are aware of my disorder. Anyway i hope everything gets better for you and that you will soon be back on your feet.

take care
malc

[Meg]

Hi Emma,

Starting on a SSRI often makes things worse before they get better and take time to settle on them- so it may well have been that .

Look after yourself whilst you're off - exercise and then relax by any mean you can and allow you nervous system a chance to start healing as it has taken a battering recently. Are you taking Vit B supplements ?

If you can get yourself a massage then do , it will help the physical symptoms.






Meg

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch

[EMMA]

Just been to Holland and Barratt and bought some aromatherapy oil (frankincense) and I've booked myself in at my local beauty salon for a facial and a massage tomorrow. I told her my condition and she felt my back and said I needed a good de-stress massage because I was so tense. It's given me something to look forward to anyway. I'm meeting up with my friends tomorrow night too which will give me a boost.

I spoke to my boss and they are fine about me having a week off. His girlfriend suffers so at least he understands.

I suffered this before 3 years ago and it was a lot worse and I got over it so hopefully this time I've caught it early and can nip it in the bud.

I'm not taking Vitamin B Supplements but was looking at them today in the heatlh shop. Are they of any benefit?

[sal]

Hi Emma

How are things going for you now? Have the side affects of the tablets started to slow down and improve. They can be harsh but once over them you will reap the benefits. I hope your boss has been ok with you. Starting your new job has probably brought it all to a head. Hope you are coping ok, let us know how you are.

Love Sal xxx

[Meg]

It Vit B that supports your nervous system, so if you've been battering it , it could do with some supplements to allow some healing to take place.




Meg

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch

[EMMA]

Hi Sal,

Feel a weight off my mind now the boss knows. Side effects seem to be easing. Felt it all too much starting a new job when I'd just started taking the tablets.

Just burnt some of my aromatherapy oil and had a camomile tea.

Going to cook my fiance a nice meal because he's worn out bless him. He does a lot of manual work and now he has to put up with me too so he looks a little stressed. He's been giving me massages too.

I just need to chill. The wedding is only 3 weeks away so I need to be on top form!

I'll keep you posted.

Em xx

[grace]

hi emma,
well done for sticking out the first two days, you felt bad but you still did it, thats something to be proud of. im gad you have an understanding boss, thats half the battle.
hope you and fiance enjoy your meal...

xxx grace