What to do?

[worried 101]

My mum is going away for 10 days to France on Wednesday and I'm so worried about her going its unreal.
I have been through a horrible time recently with my depression and anxiety and have leaned heavily on my partner and mother for support.
They have both been amazing, but my partner has two children and so obviously has o be there for them as well and I have relied on my mum for help a great deal.
I am very close to my mum and always have. She was poorly a lot when I was little so I have got separation anxiety from this. I live with my partner but live close by to my mum. I find that although I can confined all to my partner he has health problems and I don't want to stress him out.
She has already cancelled her holiday as I was in such an awful state a few weeks ago.
I obviously want her to go and have a lovely holiday and she deserves it so much, but then this terrible selfish part of me feels like I don't want her to go as I feel like I'm going to just fall apart when she goes.
I dont want to burden my partner who tires v easily due to his health problems and has own issues, and I feel so scared that I wont have her near by.
Any advice?

[inCOGnito]

Perhaps you could see this as an opportunity.

[worried 101]

i wish i could!

[JC04]

Hi Worried 101. Do you have some good friends/support network that you can rely on to be there for you if needed whilst your mum is away?

[worried 101]

I have really good friends that I know would be there for me but its the fact that I can just see my mum whenever which isn't always the case with my friends with jobs and other commitments. I think its the thing of asking for help...which I'm not v good at where as with my mum I can just drive over to her house and don't need to ring or say anything. I know she is there.

[JC04]

Sending you hugs. This situation is probably more scary at the moment as it’s so new to you. The fear of the unknown can be terrifying. Perhaps you and your mum could arrange to speak at regular intervals during her holiday and in the intervening times, if you need to (and remember that you really might not need to when the time comes), turn to friends. It’s ok to confide in others that you’re struggling and to ask for help as and when you need it. Plus the forum here seems to be full of people who are going through anxiety so you’ll never be alone if you find you need to reach out to someone.

[chicaplatense1]

maybe you could use Skype with your mom when you are not feeling well. If she is not available do you have some anti-anxiety medication that you can take that helps you?

[worried 101]

Hey guys.
Thanks for the messages. Its good to know that there are people not only that I can talk to but that will know what I am going through.
I do take medication for my anxiety and depression and I can talk to my mum on the phone.
I guess its just that feeling she wont be there at home, I feel stupid cos its like c'mon i'm 23, I should be able to deal with this.
Previous times she has been away and I haven't felt anxious at all. Its just because of this time in my life I have been the worst I ever have been for the last 6 weeks (had the crisis team out,rapid response...etc) so feel in a vulnerable place right now.
I know the only reason they are using the hols is because they lose the money on the ferry and this is the last opportunity to use it. I also really want them to go and have a lovely relaxing time as take it from me I was a nightmare for quite a long time.
Oh god anxiety just sucks!

[JC04]

Hey, don’t beat yourself up with thoughts of being a certain age and dealing with things. That is the nature of anxiety. It prevents us from doing those things that others take for granted. In fact, those of us with anxiety should be even more proud of ourselves that we still get up in the morning and do all the things we do even though it causes us mental pain. You never know, this could be an opportunity to reach a new level of confidence if you find that you cope really well when you mum is away or find other avenues of support in her absence. Just don’t feel bad about the way you feel, be kind to yourself. x

[jayjoe18]

I can relate! I'm 20 and petrified of being away from my mum, even when she goes on nights out I get anxiety about her not being here. I can control it, but the anxiety is there. It's a fear of not having that support to turn to and having to be independant. My mum just booked a holiday for in a couple of months time to Mexico and the thought of being alone for the week made me sick to my stomach. It's embarrassing though feeling like this at our age but you just can't help it! I'm that terrified that I've just booked to go too, even though I'm practically agoraphobic. I don't even know if I'll make it, the thought of having to face either is almost unbearable so I feel your pain. It's awful as you don't want to be a burden or make things difficult and you do want them to be happy.

I'm not sure if I'm the best person to give advice but the Skype is a good idea, because you can see her not just hear her voice. Other than that I would say to keep extremely busy so you don't have chance to think about it too much and seek support in anyone that you can, don't be afraid to. You always have people here that are happy to help too.

Big hugs :hugs:

[worried 101]

Thanks for those messages..so nice to have supportive people to talk to and other people can relate.
I just wish I could be positive about it, like many have said, maybe see it as a challenge or opportunity. But as always my negative head can only see the bad side.
On top of this I'm supposed to be going to a wedding the day my parents arrive back.
I'm very nervous about it, its my partners sisters wedding and it will be the first time I have been in such a large group of people that it feels like a almost impossible challenge!
I dunno,feels like everything has piled on top of me, I feel very vulnerable at the moment and worry so much that I feel im going to explode!
I will be able to speak to my mum, but wont be able to skype as dont think they have internet where they are going.
I know she is only on the end of the phone but I still just feel almost like part of my protection against this anxiety is going...sounds weird and don really know how to describe it.
Just feeling very sad
Sorry for the rambling