gla
13-10-13, 04:55
...eventual poster :)
Hi,
I don't really know what to say; I'm not very good at this sort of thing. Its 4.30am as I start typing this, and I am feeling quite desperate.
I've had issues with anxiety/depression since my teens - its always struck me as strange, as I don't really know where it has stemmed from. In some way I've always felt disconnected from the world, and unable to fit in (but this could be just symptomatic of depression, I cannot work it out). I've had about three 'major' periods of depression, where it sort of left me reeling and became noticeable to others that something was up, and I wanted it all to just end. But most of the time its something I can cover up.
I'm starting to feel though, that another dark phase is closing in, and it is scaring me, because I don't know how I can work through it.
I'm 29 now, and I take Sertraline at the moment. For the past few months the feeling of depression has been increasing, and the symptoms have been getting more prominant. I've been here before, so I can sense how I'm doing, and how worrying it is because I'm starting to feel that a big episode is afoot if I'm not careful. Whenever I fall back like this, I feel more of a failure, and more guilty than ever -I mean, why can't I deal with this by now?? Etc.
Its a bore to people - you can see the look in their eyes if I talk about it with them - the oh god, she's having a moan again, I think she likes being down - sort of look, and the exasperation that I can't sort myself out. I can empathise with them, though -- I feel exactly the same about myself.
My reason for posting is, well, I am not sure. I don't know what to do anymore - I'm tired of feeling how I've felt all this time. Its consumed me totally, and ruined so many years of my life. And the fact that I can't learn to live with these feelings is troubling - I've seen my gp many times about it, seen a CBT counsellor, spent hours navel gazing about myself, and yet essentially just wasted their time, because it comes to me, again, being a mess. I don't even know what to aim for anymore. Things seem more hopeless than they have felt for a long time. I've got to a point where I feel really detached from reality, and I don't feel human.
Maybe come Monday, when work rolls round again, as much as I dislike my job, its a distraction. But, I don't want my life to be just about distracting myself from myself and the crisis I feel inside - if that makes sense. The problem is, I can't figure out what will help. :wacko:
Hi,
I don't really know what to say; I'm not very good at this sort of thing. Its 4.30am as I start typing this, and I am feeling quite desperate.
I've had issues with anxiety/depression since my teens - its always struck me as strange, as I don't really know where it has stemmed from. In some way I've always felt disconnected from the world, and unable to fit in (but this could be just symptomatic of depression, I cannot work it out). I've had about three 'major' periods of depression, where it sort of left me reeling and became noticeable to others that something was up, and I wanted it all to just end. But most of the time its something I can cover up.
I'm starting to feel though, that another dark phase is closing in, and it is scaring me, because I don't know how I can work through it.
I'm 29 now, and I take Sertraline at the moment. For the past few months the feeling of depression has been increasing, and the symptoms have been getting more prominant. I've been here before, so I can sense how I'm doing, and how worrying it is because I'm starting to feel that a big episode is afoot if I'm not careful. Whenever I fall back like this, I feel more of a failure, and more guilty than ever -I mean, why can't I deal with this by now?? Etc.
Its a bore to people - you can see the look in their eyes if I talk about it with them - the oh god, she's having a moan again, I think she likes being down - sort of look, and the exasperation that I can't sort myself out. I can empathise with them, though -- I feel exactly the same about myself.
My reason for posting is, well, I am not sure. I don't know what to do anymore - I'm tired of feeling how I've felt all this time. Its consumed me totally, and ruined so many years of my life. And the fact that I can't learn to live with these feelings is troubling - I've seen my gp many times about it, seen a CBT counsellor, spent hours navel gazing about myself, and yet essentially just wasted their time, because it comes to me, again, being a mess. I don't even know what to aim for anymore. Things seem more hopeless than they have felt for a long time. I've got to a point where I feel really detached from reality, and I don't feel human.
Maybe come Monday, when work rolls round again, as much as I dislike my job, its a distraction. But, I don't want my life to be just about distracting myself from myself and the crisis I feel inside - if that makes sense. The problem is, I can't figure out what will help. :wacko: