New member.

[spartacus]

Hi,

I suffer with continous anxiety which totally dominates every aspect of my life at the moment. At it's most intense I am so intensely anxious I struggle to do anything and at it's least intense things are better but my mind never relaxes.

I wake up feeling terrible and very anxious and edgy but towards the end of the day I feel better but the anxiety never goes away. I struggle to sleep and eat as I'm just unable to relax and life is just an ordeal at the moment.

I went through the exact same thing 10 years ago and after trying to convince myself that things would at some point improve ( they didn't ) I started taking beta blockers and citalopram.

It took a long time but eventually things gradually improved and I did return to my old self.

But now I have to confront this monster once more and 23 days ago I started on citalopram once more.

The initial side effects were very intense and 3 days later my anxiety was just unbearable so my gp prescribed diazepam for the worst moments.

I guess I'm still waiting for the citalopram to really kick in as I still feel terrible but at least I know that it has worked for me before so that's what is keeping me going and optimistic.

I also do spin and pilates which I'm sure helps in some way even though I don't see that at the time.

So, I'm back at work tomorrow after having the last 3 weeks off on the sick and trying to get a routine back in my life and hoping that things will get better as the weeks go on.

[JC04]

Hi there, Spartacus. Sorry to hear of your anxiety but I'm glad you found this forum, there seems to be lots of people who can understand what it's like to be plagued by relentless anxiety. I find the first 8 weeks on citalopram to be a rollercoaster. Up and down constantly but hang on in there and they will soon kick in.

It sounds like you're doing the right thing with exercise and getting some routine in your life with work to distract yourself from negative thoughts. I wish you all the best and will no doubt see you around the forums ( I only joined myself yesterday - I'm in the midst of a health anxiety crisis- the worst of my life). :hugs:

[spartacus]

Hi JC04 and thankyou for your message...You can try and explain to friends and family what you are going through but only fellow sufferers can have any idea of what it is really like dealing with this day in, day out.

The meds did the trick for me last time and I did get back to my old self so I know I have to be patient but it just feels like my life is in limbo and I'm just existing at the moment.

Sorry to hear about your health anxiety crisis....are you in poor health or is it anxiety creating irrational thought processes?

[JC04]

Agreed, only someone who experiences/experienced anxiety understands how it feels.


With me an abdominal scan showed a 11.3mm polyp on my gallbladder on Friday. The radiologist wrote on the report that it’s ‘likely benign’ . Ahh, now the word ‘likely’ said to someone with health anxiety is never a good idea. I’ve been referred to a surgeon to discuss removal or monitoring but I don’t think I can live with the uncertainty.


Plus I’ve been on ‘Dr Google’ and found that large single polyps like mine are more likely to be malignant that the smaller ones that are typically less than 5mm. Oh dear. I know what advice I’d give to a friend, it would be : “ the doctor isn’t worried so listen to him and the radiologist not google”. But can I convince myself of that? Nope. Been in total meltdown. Good old anxiety hey. I have done everything I can and the doctors are aware of my polyp so it’s just a case of wait and see... oh and managing my anxiety in the meantime.


I hope you’ve had as relaxing time as possible this weekend. I know it feels like life is in limbo for you at the moment but take heed that this too will pass and you’ll be back to yourself soon.

[spartacus]

I can relate and empathise with your situation and sometimes you need to see something 100% certain and written down for your eyes before you can stop worrying about it....I have been there !!

Just hang in there until you are given a definitive diagnosis/prognosis and take it from there...one day at a time.

Trying to tell someone with an anxiety disorder not to worry is a waste of time but try to be as rational as what you are able to be under the circumstances and hopefully things will work out for you.

I have my fingers crossed for you :)

[Jacsta]

welcome to nmp. You are definitely among people that understand.

Keep hold of the fact you got better before, and you can do it again, try and remember the techniques that worked last time.

Jac

[JC04]

Thanks for your thoughts. I am trying to be rational and when that fails I’m trying to distract myself with food :noangel:

[spartacus]

welcome to nmp. You are definitely among people that understand.

Keep hold of the fact you got better before, and you can do it again, try and remember the techniques that worked last time.

Jac

Thankyou Jac,

At least this time I know what I'm dealing with and the fact that I got better last time is what keeps me going.

---------- Post added at 17:26 ---------- Previous post was at 17:25 ----------


Thanks for your thoughts. I am trying to be rational and when that fails I’m trying to distract myself with food :noangel:

No problem and if you ever get to the point where you just need someone to chat to, don't hesitate and drop me a pm.