Anxiety is becoming a disability

[fantasticfantasia]

I really need some way of controlling my anxiety. Not only is it bad for me, I know it affects the people I care about a lot too. It just takes over me, no matter how much I try and rationalise with myself, it becomes like fighting against a runaway train.

At times, I really wish I could let people inside my head to understand how I think. Whenever I try an explain myself, I just feel like I'm making excuses, but the internal conflict is so loud it's impossible for me to ignore. I say the things that are churning in my brain, just for those moments of catharsis, before the guilt sweeps and I'm angry at myself for letting it win again.

Things would be easier if it wasn't accompanied by the physical illness. I become ill because I'm anxious, and I fear the anxiety will make me ill. Once I get in that loop, there's no way out. It's actually getting to the point where I'm scared of food in case I get anxious and throw up. I'm missing too many days of work because of how ill it makes me. I've all but failed my final year of uni because I found it so hard to leave the house.

It's getting to the point where it is actually controlling and ruining my life, and I don't know what to do.

[Andria24]

Are you being treated for your anxiety? This is a big step, and I know the whole anxiety thing is no picnic but the right help and support is so important :hugs:

[Annie0904]

This time last year I could have written your post but 1 year on and I am living my life again. What has helped me? My friends on nmp, cbt4panic, reminding myself of all the positive things however small they may be. I have also had support from my gp with medication and intense psychotherapy. I hope that you begin to recover soon. Accept the anxiety, don't try to fight it. It takes time to heal.

[fantasticfantasia]

Are you being treated for your anxiety? This is a big step, and I know the whole anxiety thing is no picnic but the right help and support is so important :hugs:

I had counseling last year for a few months, but I had to stop because I got too old. I tried to get in at another place, but I haven't heard back from them since, and that was about 6 months ago.

I had to switch doctors too for a while, and last time I went they just gave me a list of ssri drugs to choose from, despite me saying I didn't want to use that route :( (I know too many first hand horror stories for me to feel comfortable about them).

I need some kind of help, but it seems like a giant up hill struggle :/

[NoPoet]

I've abandoned trying to rationalise why anxiety is attacking. In fairness people here, and Claire Weekes' stuff, have said for years that people should not get too caught up on rationalising every little thing. We all have vulnerabilities and issues that we need to fix and this will definitely help, but when you're experiencing anxiety at its worst - for example, during a blip - it's very hard to talk yourself down and it can come for no apparent reason - although there usually ARE reasons.. At its worst, anxiety is like a series of ever-taller waves that crash into you. It's the impact, the "flash" as Claire Weekes called it, that shocks you and causes the fear reaction.

With immediate effect you should try to physically relax your body. If you can't, PM me and I can send you something that will help. Bear in mind your first efforts at relaxation might only offer minor benefits, it's a skill that you CAN learn, it will benefit you more the better you get and you WILL learn it if you practice.

Whenever an anxiety wave crashes into you and feel feel that sickening shock of impact, clear your mind, take a deep relaxing breath and let your body relax, and tell yourself "it's only fear flashing again". Don't rise to it, don't fight it, don't blast it with everything you've got; just let go of the shock, let go of any fearful thoughts that pop into your head.

Anxiety will dredge up scary thoughts and feelings. It NEEDS you scared so it can exist. Don't hang onto the thoughts or attach them any significance. If you do, you'll just feel more fear for longer. Let them go.

[fantasticfantasia]

The vomiting makes the relaxation difficult. Even if I manage to calm myself down and distract myself, I'll usually end up with really severe fever dreams around the subject that is upsetting me that result in me waking up really ill. I've tried things like writing the anxiety down, or confiding in people who don't mind me venting about it, but it just seems to get the better of me regardless.

[NoPoet]

Emetophobia (fear of vomiting) is really common. Your stomach feels strange and may seem to spasm as a side effect of anxiety which means you're constantly alerted to it and it lurks at the back of your mind. When you're anxious, your body wants to purge everything, normally meaning you need the toilet. Adrenaline also makes you feel nauseous.

What you need to do is normalise it. Ask yourself, realistically, how many people like being ill? This isn't to diminish your problem, it's to provide you with some context. Dreams are your mind's way of breaking problems down and trying to solve them, but this means they can relay fears and upsetting images since your guard is down while you're asleep and you can't filter the thoughts out.

You say you're caught in a loop, but being ill is probably a reaction to overwhelming anxiety. When the fear strikes hardest, try to let yourself go limp and think "Here we go again, another random thought". It takes a lot of practice, relaxation is the hardest thing an anxious person can do, but you can do it with time and it will help you. It's kind of like rolling with the punches instead or rigidly taking them on the chin. It will still hurt for a while but you might find it starts to diminish, especially when you train your body that there is nothing to fear.

[fantasticfantasia]

What you need to do is normalise it. Ask yourself, realistically, how many people like being ill? This isn't to diminish your problem, it's to provide you with some context.



I'm not quite sure what you mean? I'm already aware that people generally don't enjoy the feeling like they're about to/are being sick. I don't mean for that to sound blunt, I'm just not sure what you mean and would like you to elaborate.

Just in case my slightly rambling first post was unclear. I vomit when I'm anxious (whether in a positive or a negative sense), the vomiting itself is not my main cause of anxiety, but my anxiety becomes so bad at times that I vomit a lot and feel like I have to limit my food in case I get anxious. My thought process is along the lines of "I might get anxious tonight, I better not eat".

I'm not quite sure how I'm supposed to go limp either. The more I just lay there and let the thoughts go, the more they turn towards negative and sever self loathing. I try reasoning with myself too, even telling myself that even if my fear is right, that there's always going to be a positive to get to somewhere, but again the negative sad side takes over. I'd be grateful if you could clarify with what you mean by rolling with the punches.

[Rennie1989]

I think he means you've got yourself in a vicious circle. You're worried about being sick, which adds to the anxiety, which creates more symptoms, which makes you feel more sick and so on.

You won't be sick. Anxiety causes your digestive system to slow down which causes nausea. You need to stop fighting your thoughts (which is what it sounds like to me), you're forcing the thoughts away and instead of going they're getting worse. Just let them do their thing, they won't hurt you, accept them. Do activities that you normally like doing and if the thoughts come back then let them, if you don't fight them they'll go at their own account.

[fantasticfantasia]

You won't be sick.

But I am :( I spent most of Friday night and Saturday vomiting constantly as an example. I was very worried about something on Friday evening, and became really stressed and depressed because of it. I tried all sorts of techniques to relax and let it pass, but it wasn't, so I ended up venting at a friend about it and it seemed to help. I finally went to sleep, but then had dreams where the stress came back and woke up and vomited straight away. Every time I dozed back off I woke up and had to vomit again.

They sent me home from work on the Saturday because I was too ill to do my job, and it's the 2nd time this month alone where I've had to miss a day because of it.

[Rennie1989]

Do you think you could have come down with a bug, hence the vomiting?

[fantasticfantasia]

While it's not totally impossible, this usually happens at least once a month. It's not always bad enough for me to be sent home from work (sometimes going to work and keeping my mind busy stops the vomiting and nausea), but this month has been particularly bad for me.

It's always when I'm upset about something. For pretty much all of high school, I would be sick every morning from feeling anxious, but it got better for a lot of years, but the past couple of years I just seem to have slipped back totally. My first boyfriend was such a good sport because I would pretty much throw up any time I saw him haha... my friends used to say I had Stan Marsh syndrome.

[Rennie1989]

Have you seen a doctor about the vomiting?

[fantasticfantasia]

I tried once in high school, but I got the impression that doctor didn't really believe me because I was too uncomfortable with my mother sat in to explain why I was being sick all the time.

I did mention it to the doctor in the session where he referred me to counselling initially, but at the time I was going through something traumatic and he suggested I go through the counselling first. I went to the other doctor that I had to switch to when I was sleeping about 18 hours a day, but they just did blood tests (all normal) and one of those mini tests on the computer and said I was depressed and sent me away with the list of SSRIs.

Finally re registered with my old doctor today, so hopefully I'll be able to get an appointment soon, and they'll be able to give me something to take to stop the vomiting, but the NHS really feels like an uphill struggle.