First post ... Advice needed :)

[CRM]

Hi everyone,

I'll try to keep this simple. Basically, I started having anxiety attacks after smoking weed and tripping out ( causing blackouts ) i was so scared of it happening again that I had anxiety constantly and felt uncomfortable all the time. I got a lot better and started taking sertaline but wasn't overly dependant on items so when I got pregnant I came off no problem. I was ok still got anxiety but was no worse. Then my son as diagnosed as being very poorly and I lost it before and after he was born I got depression and started having obsessive thoughts that I was going to lose the plot /have a breakdown. I had council long and went back onto the sertaline although religiously this time and over the last year I have got ALOT better.

My question is.. My anxiety is still 'there' and I'm still sometimes obsessing like if I have a good day / meal out etc I'm questioning it. I'm thinking.. Was I ok ? Have I just got so insane I'm not even noticing I'm not ok ? I know this so ridiculous deep down I know I'm fine but it's scary . I also watched a disturbing film last night and was up all night thinking ' what if I did that ? ' ' what if I flipped ' I'm so worried that it's all going to become too much and I'm just gonna breakdown ... However, saying all that I feel better than I did which unnerves me !

Has any ever had this ? What I wanted to ask was I'm on 25mg I used to take 50 but I was far too spaced out and had bad derealisation on them and I also was quite 'emotionless' which I didn't like 25mg has been my best dose however I'm not brilliant on it so thinking I should maybe go to 12.5mg see how I am and taper off ? I'm thinking it might be the tabs making me over think ? What do you guys think ?

Btw I'm 27 healthy and have a lovely life I'm very happy and know I am of sane mine all the more why all this is so distressing !

TIA xxx

[NoPoet]

Hi mate, welcome to NMP.

What you're describing are the disturbing and distressing thoughts people experience when they suffer from anxiety. Most or all of us have gone, or are going through, the same thing, even though everyone will experience it differently.

Distressing thoughts are one of the primary weapons in the anxiety arsenal. You've got to always remember that anxiety needs you to be afraid in order for it to survive, so it can bring some very scary stuff out that will shock, horrify and upset you. Fears about hurting yourself and loved ones are the most common distressing thoughts.

By these emotions and your desperate attempts to banish the thoughts, you highlight them in neon lights so your subconscious keeps bringing the thoughts back to you. You are holding onto them - you're bound to them by fear. This link can be severed.

My advice is to remember that you are upset by these thoughts because you are a good person. You're gutted that you think like this. Really it's your imagination running riot. Imagining something does not make it true - that's called magical thinking which is another symptom of anxiety. Are you starting to see how clever anxiety can be?

So when the shock hits you, let yourself relax, do not rise to the bait, condition yourself out of the thoughts by saying "Hmm, that was weird, just my imagination playing tricks!" It takes time and courage but something tells me you will ace it.

You're recovering, so don't let the most common anxiety symptom slow you down.

[CRM]

Thank you Psycho Poet ! That helped a lot .. I will start my thought stopping techniques and hopefully they will start
To disappear .. They helped loads with my obsessive thoughts
Over ' losing it ' so I will try them again ! Thank you again xx