Eyelids shutting and feeling heavy, due to depression?

[JCRyanDenton]

For the past few days my depression has gotten awfully bad. Never have i been this depressed before either. But for time i have been getting more annoying and unpleasant symptoms. One of my main symptoms have been with my eyelids, they have been shutting involuntarily and feel very heavy while doing so. There are also some other symptoms such as tiredness and feeling washed out all the time.

It doesn't help with the lack of environments in my life either. My house (mostly my bedroom) and a single room in the school i go to (since i am too stressed and anxious with the autistic children, i am trying to get into a mainstream environment) are the places i spend 80% of my life right now. Also no real contact with people my age (last time i did was with a friend who believes its better to be into bestiality than be a homosexual...yeah i honestly want to meet some different nicer people) in a long while, just adults who are 20 years older than me. I feel like a baby for crying out loud.

Sorry for the tangent, but my symptoms are getting horrible.

[NoPoet]

At first read, it sounds like you're having a blip. A blip is when your symptoms temporarily get worse and it can feel like you're back at square one. After a while, either through your self-help techniques or sometimes for no reason at all, you spontaneously start to feel better.

In reality though, it's probably nothing to do with your illness at all. It sounds like you're wanting to change things in your life but are butting up against your problems. This is probably going to be anxiety rather than depression, so ask yourself do you feel depressed, or are you really feeling big, stinky fear? Your tone doesn't sound depressed or hopeless, it sounds frustrated, like who you want to be is being constrained by your symptoms and the attitudes of morons.

Maybe you should think hard about how ill you really are: you are facing real-life problems that would distress anyone, so rather than getting worse, this actually sounds like you're taking a step forward! :)

[JCRyanDenton]

At first read, it sounds like you're having a blip. A blip is when your symptoms temporarily get worse and it can feel like you're back at square one. After a while, either through your self-help techniques or sometimes for no reason at all, you spontaneously start to feel better.

In reality though, it's probably nothing to do with your illness at all. It sounds like you're wanting to change things in your life but are butting up against your problems. This is probably going to be anxiety rather than depression, so ask yourself do you feel depressed, or are you really feeling big, stinky fear? Your tone doesn't sound depressed or hopeless, it sounds frustrated, like who you want to be is being constrained by your symptoms and the attitudes of morons.

Maybe you should think hard about how ill you really are: you are facing real-life problems that would distress anyone, so rather than getting worse, this actually sounds like you're taking a step forward! :)

True, it does come in phases, but its always there, just in the background. And yes it is also frustration and anxiety. And the loneliness...well look at this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8ZMdgsVuZU I am not linking this to incite hate, but you can see what i mean by the people i am surrounded by. 90% of them are like this, and they are not fun or compatible with me...in fact i feel a sense of depression and sadness around them. The other 10% who are high functioning are either uninterested in me, or hate me due to minor crap (one hates me due to not getting on with some friend he didn't like much anyway, and disagreeing with him on a movie...yes i am not kidding) i did a year ago. I EVEN GOT DEATH WISHES FROM THEM!

And its been 7 years since i have been in mainstream, i didn't get treated as much like this and i used to have a sense of social support too, lost it all when i went to these special ed schools. I can't even defend myself from bullying since the staff claim the bullies "can't help it" and use their autism as an excuse. I want to be able to defend myself and not have to be lectured in how some autistics have issues behaving around others, i want to feel normal like everyone else, not some alien creature that threatens the balance of the tribal civilization on a planet.

And if anyone is angry about what i am saying, i am sorry. But if you were me and could feel how i felt, you would understand 100%. I have only spoken to 1 normal female in the past 7 years too, and not because im some creepy loser who goes up to females asking for dates. I have too much respect for people to do that crap, i am just not near normal people since my home life is pretty dull and mainly full of adults and old people.

[StarryBlueGal]

Are you high functioning autistic person? I think you show autistic tendencies - I think you should understand autistic people more because you are in similar boat to them. I think you should talk with your Mum to ask why you are in special ed school for autistic children, maybe there is a good reason why you are in special ed.

I don't understand why you are behaving like this towards autistic people when you are high functioning yourself.