5 months since my dad passed away 😪

[illgetthere]

I'm having a rough few weeks at the moment I dont no why I just are things going round in my mind and the 1 thing at the moment that's sticking in my mind is christmas last year my dad asked me to get him a card for my mom but I got died tracked and never got the card for him I'm actually crying to myself now because all I can think if the last thing he asked me to do I didn't how selfish was I at the time? I no I can't turn bk time but guilt is eating me then while I was washing up today I was thinking of the night he passed away and the nurse coming in and saying I'm sorry Ron passed away there's 2 things I said 2 that nurse and the other thing I was thinking is save him just try you got 6 minutes before his brain stops! I hate it because it still don't feel real then BAM out of no where it hits you, he's gone forever and I do have memory's but I'll forget I can barely remember his voice already 😭 anyone ever tryed so hard to remember something because you don't want to ever forger sorry for going on but I no this is tbe only place I can say how I feel love and best wishes Vicky xx

[Freddiemercury]

Oh Vicky, I am so so sorry to read your post, I can just feel your pain from it. I have also lost people very close to me and I am really close with my dad and can't imagine losing him. I feel like whenever we lose someone there is always some guilt over something. We didn't spend enough time with them, we said no to them when they asked for that favor, we didn't return that phone call. I've struggled with these things too. But I do believe that when we love someone and have a good relationship with them, they know it and they wouldn't think about those things if they had the chance. I think about it for myself. Just using my sister as an example...she says no to me and drives me crazy 99% of the time lol. But if I were to die tomorrow (hopefully not, though I am mostly convinced I am) I would die knowing that my sister loves me very much and would do anything of importance for me and those trivial things would mean nothing. I'm sure your dad would feel the same way about you. Anniversaries are so hard, especially the first set of them.

When my best friend died at my age (31) I could not remember her voice and started to forget what she looked like without looking at pictures. It devastated me and yes I know what you mean about trying so hard to remember and you just can't. But you know now I remember her face and voice perfectly. I think I had to stop trying so hard. Your dad will always be in your heart. I'm thinking of you! :hugs:

[illgetthere]

Thank-you for your kind words Freddie means a lot it's a hard time it don't get easier the longer the time the more the questions I get
Love and best wishes Vicky x

[Daisy Sue]

Hi Vicky, I'm so sorry to hear of your sad loss :(

I lost my Dad some years ago - he was my hero - and it still hurts to this day. I have similar memories to carry round as well.. I was there at the hospital when he passed away, and I remember those moments and words as if they were physically imprinted on my brain.

It takes some time for our minds to accept what's happened, and our hearts don't really accept it ever, but I have found that instead of the intense pain, I now feel a sad but comforting pain, knowing that I was lucky to have had him as my Dad, and that he's worry-free now.

It has helped me to write things down about it all... I've done my life story, and there's big chapter about losing my Dad. Also I've written poems, and I have some really special photos of him with our family, and my kids, all around the house.

Don't beat yourself up over not remembering to buy that card - this is a typical grief/guilt thing that we all go through, searching for something we should have done better - just comfort yourself with lovely memories of your Dad, and talk of him to family & friends often.

((hugs))

[Edie]

I'm sorry Vicky. It's still very early days, but you will get through this.

Guilt is a very normal part of grief. Your brain will make up stuff to feel bad about. It's not your fault you forgot that card, and it's nit a reflection on your love for your dad. Try and re-focus your thoughts onto happy memories. Difficult, I know, but your dad knew you loved him.

It's 2 years now since I lost someone special, and though I have sad days, mainly I'm grateful for the time we had and the happy memories. It does get easier.

[illgetthere]

Thanks so much for your words they are comforting even thou it's sad people have gone thru this my dad is the first person I've lost and it's hitting more and more because it doesn't seem real I'm scared of it hitting all of a sudden real hard xx

[Edie]

My experience is that it has 'hit' me in gentle waves. I still don't 100% believe it. But it's sunk in gradually in a way that feels sad, but healthy and right. It's been helpful for me to read a little about grief, it's helped me understand what's normal and healthy, and what might be cause for concern and a need to seek help. Nothing so far has scared me about my grief. But if you're worried it might be helpful to talk to a bereavement counsellor from somewhere like Cruse.