Freddiemercury
15-10-13, 05:35
I've posted on here before about my HA that had a major flare up end of August when I had a lump under my chin. ENT said it was fine, but the whole experience triggered an onslaught of health related issues and since then I've diagnosed myself with every disease, but most of my fear is cancer related. Tonight my new thing is melanoma. I've actually had a decent couple days and was feeling good after a job interview today and then I somehow came across an article (I'm a googling nut, but I swear this wasn't intentional!) about skin cancer signs to be aware of and one was exactly like this funky looking bump I have near my shoulder. I've also had panics about my husband getting skin cancer before because he's had a ton of terrible sunburns and a million weird moles and I can't get it out of my head that I will lose him. Anyway, I went from having a good day to spending hours on google and not even bothering to get dinner and now I am convinced one of us will have melanoma.
I am just feeling really isolated tonight. I feel like I have no one to talk to. Which is funny because I have amazing people in my life who are always there for me and who I share everything with, but they don't seem to get this at all. I have joked that I would tell my best friend if I was having an affair, but can't tell her I am constantly worried about cancer. I think I feel this way not because they are mean to me about it, but because they just don't get it. I just hear "you worry so much" or "just go to the doc and see what he says" and this is supposed to fix it and we move on to the next topic, but as everyone here knows, this doesn't help. My husband is so amazing and supportive, but my fears make him nervous when I am constantly telling him I think his mole is melanoma and I start freaking him out even though he's not a worrier at all. It's left me feeling super lonely tonight.
I think I just needed to vent, but do other people feel this way at times and how do you cope with it? I did start therapy in early September and I think it is helping me start to chip away at my issues but obviously I am still going through it. I believe a lot of this has to do with watching my young cousin pass last year from cancer at only 9 years old. I think it shattered my view of health and my mindset went from, grow old and die, to get sick and die no matter how unfair it is. Obviously I always knew this could happen to anyone before, but watching it happen is much different.
Ugh, thanks to anyone who bothered to read this long crazy post!!! Sometimes just reading about other people's experiences on here helps me feel much less alone even if I don't chat with them.
xx
I am just feeling really isolated tonight. I feel like I have no one to talk to. Which is funny because I have amazing people in my life who are always there for me and who I share everything with, but they don't seem to get this at all. I have joked that I would tell my best friend if I was having an affair, but can't tell her I am constantly worried about cancer. I think I feel this way not because they are mean to me about it, but because they just don't get it. I just hear "you worry so much" or "just go to the doc and see what he says" and this is supposed to fix it and we move on to the next topic, but as everyone here knows, this doesn't help. My husband is so amazing and supportive, but my fears make him nervous when I am constantly telling him I think his mole is melanoma and I start freaking him out even though he's not a worrier at all. It's left me feeling super lonely tonight.
I think I just needed to vent, but do other people feel this way at times and how do you cope with it? I did start therapy in early September and I think it is helping me start to chip away at my issues but obviously I am still going through it. I believe a lot of this has to do with watching my young cousin pass last year from cancer at only 9 years old. I think it shattered my view of health and my mindset went from, grow old and die, to get sick and die no matter how unfair it is. Obviously I always knew this could happen to anyone before, but watching it happen is much different.
Ugh, thanks to anyone who bothered to read this long crazy post!!! Sometimes just reading about other people's experiences on here helps me feel much less alone even if I don't chat with them.
xx