How to cope on the really BAD days

[phil6]

I thought I would start a new thread, mainly because I find myself searching for answers on the Internet and never really finding any advise which I can really hang on to.
I am well versed in mindfulness, CBT, ACT and all the advise on accepting and giving up the struggle to fix yourself and I am absolutely in agreement with the advise given. Yet I still find it so difficult to do.
I have good days when I feel normal, and I can certainly see that everything I was anxious about is just a big bluff and is absolutely not reality. Then there are the bad days when you wake with a knotted stomach and all the associated fearful thoughts come to mind.
This morning was another BAD start. I get little glimpses of accepting when I realise all the thoughts are just thoughts and the physical stuff is just sensations but only glimpses. My mind gets dragged back to the "I'll never get better" and all the other ones we all know so well and to be honest I just feal defeated again.
I always think I have failed again and the whole negative mood goes around again. I just can't seem to be able to stop falling into the same cycle. Today I have decided I will carry on... Went to the gym, tried to busy myself etc, but my mind is constantly on my anxiety.... Thinking why... What am I doing wrong... Will this ever stop.... And the feeling that you really need to break down and cry and ask someone else to stop this feeling. The self pity bit.
Anyway, I am sat writing this just to get it off my chest... To do something!
I do feel that if I could just really let all this rubbish go, then I am close to recovery.... My logical mind says this feeling will pass, yet if I actually believed that thought, I might relax a bit....
Be interested how you manage to cope when this GAD goes on all day....
Can you actually find some positive thoughts that are believable that can help this constant rumination to stop.
Phil

[ankietyjoe]

I think you've already stated all the answers, the ones that I've found anyway.

Accept it, mindfulness it, allow it to happen and move on.

The glimpses eventually turn into longer glimpses, and then onto moments and when you get really good at it they turn into whole hours! :D

Takes ages, be patient.

[phil6]

Thanks Ankietyjoe,
Sounds like you manage to do this quite well. I also keep having the thought that this is all my fault... Do you blame yourself for your anxiety?
Phil

[inCOGnito]

I get little glimpses of accepting when I realise all the thoughts are just thoughts and the physical stuff is just sensations but only glimpses. My mind gets dragged back to the "I'll never get better" and all the other ones we all know so well and to be honest I just feal defeated again.
I always think I have failed again and the whole negative mood goes around again. I just can't seem to be able to stop falling into the same cycle.

It may sound paradoxical but have you tried to actually 'feel' those things rather than try to block them out or change them? Have you tried letting yourself feel absolutely defeated?

we get those thoughts and we do everything to move in the opposite direction away from them, yet there is a part of us that wants to actually explore those feelings, despite how upsetting or fearful they are.

When I mean go into that feeling of being defeated I don't mean to 'think' about them. You go in in a mindful way.

Tara Brach explains it well in her book 'Radical Acceptance', and it's a message that is echoed from many other sources.

[Aquilega]

Hi Phil I can echo your sentiments identically,I to know that you have to feel to heal,I know that I have the key but just cannot turn it,I went to Tesco's this morning felt good,came home OK,I have 3 symptoms,Light headiness,churning tummy and ringing in my ears,got up this morning all gone felt great,went back down Argos and wham .felt bad ever since,totally illogical,I do tend to blame myself as I know the answer lies within me ,I have all the tools yet get frustrated ,I have tried very hard to accept the way I feel and go towards how I feel,I guess I don't know what they mean when they say don't fight it.

[xtopher]

Hi Phil
It is certainly not easy to cope with the bad days, especially if you are on your own and don't have anything to distract you. I'm currently in the worst state I've been in for a while - started a new job and tried moving home at same time, and went sharply downhill relapsing into high anxiety. I had to leave my job and am now staying with my parents for the foreseeable future. Spend most of the day on my own - on the good days I can motivate myself to go to the gym and read books, but today is a bad day and I've spent most of the time crying and feeling sorry for myself. I think a good piece of advice is to write a journal, especially on good days, so that when you are feeling really bad you can read back and remind yourself that you don't ALWAYS feel this bad.

[loreen]

HI Phil

I too identify with what you have written.

I guess I cope by accepting that sometimes I have a bad day with either GAD or panic attacks . I am thankful that I do have good days, so I cling onto the fact that it is not all bad.

My problem is not knowing how I will be from one day to the next. Yes, stress and tiredness do play a part,but sometimes my bad days have no explanation.

My illness has made me a more understanding person, so there are some positives to come from what can be a truly horrible time.

Loreen xx

[phil6]

Thanks all for your comments...
I agree with you fighter... I also have the key but struggle to use it. I also concur with the comments about never knowing when or having a reason for bad days.
I try to keep it simple.... Accept and let time pass. Accept being not trying to make myself feel better.
It is now later in the afternoon, and although I still have a knotted stomach, I am able to cope with it and practice the acceptance. I can also make my mind up to do the same tomorrow morning ... And this is where things change when the time actually comes.
I guess it has to be back to one day at a time, ups and downs, and little steps. I agree this is going to take time and will involve a few more setbacks. There is no way to rush this, which is what I want to do.
Thanks again.
Phil

[ankietyjoe]

Thanks Ankietyjoe,
Sounds like you manage to do this quite well. I also keep having the thought that this is all my fault... Do you blame yourself for your anxiety?
Phil


I can't say I've ever blamed myself as I didn't know of any consequences to any lifestyles or choices I'd made in the past. I do sometimes blame myself for my partner and son having to put up with my issues sometimes, but I think that guilt is to be expected.

As for managing things it does get easier, although it wasn't so long ago that I did not manage things at all, I lived in fear all day, every day. Really badly.

I guess I'm 18 months past the point where the lightbulb went off for me and mindfulness and acceptance really became something I 'got'. I still have bad days, and even today I responded to anxiety as I went to my sons open day at school and my heartrate starting racing, but instead of freaking out about it I can now calmly walk back to the car and in 10 minutes I'm fine again.

I promise you if you follow the mantras of accepting stuff and actively meditating it works.

I've never taken medication btw.

[phil6]

Thanks mate,
I think I already know that what you are saying about acceptance is the right way forward. I guess I am still struggling with the intensity of the feeling in the early morning and am a little depressed at the moment so I feel a little out of control with my emotions.
When I say I blame myself I am referring to hitting myself with a stick about not being able to accept. I also think that as I am thinking the thoughts that cause the anxiety, it is my fault. I could do with being a little kinder with myself as much of the thoughts and resulting feelings I have little control over.
I am doing mindfulness meditation and hopefully, with a bit more patience, start to feel the benefit at some point.
I am also not on any meds.
I am very hooked on when you say you eventually got it.... Is it that you lost your fear of the symptoms and thoughts? It is the bit that I get confused about... I am feeling fear, so how do you stop fearing that feeling? I know I don't need to like it or want it but I need to be able to change my relationship with this feeling of dread.
Thanks for your help
Phil

[ankietyjoe]

hmmm

The 'got it' moment was a subtle realisation that I could let the fear go. I remember reading that anxiety is fuelled by the subconscious overreacting to stimulus, and that the stimulus can actually be created by our conscious mind - ie you feel a pain in your chest, YOU think 'oh shit' and your subconscious reacts with panic. The article I read then went on to explain that when you feel the next chest pain mentally say 'it's ok, I know this is nothing'. At first I thought that it was just hokum, but in reality I could see and feel my cave brain accepting it over time. It's like it had to re-learn that certain sensations aren't actually dangerous. There was a time in my life where I could get a headache without immediately thinking 'oh no another brain tumour', and I learned to get to this dark place over a protracted period of time, so it'll take time to relearn 'normality'.

Responding to morning anxiety, depression or fear is no different (for me at least). It's all part of the same thing. I don't treat depression any differently than chest pain, palpitations or dizziness (all of which I still experience with regular monotony).

I do know what you mean about beating yourself up though, and in that respect I do still get very frustrated that I cannot move on faster than I am. I try to remember that if I was trying to lose weight, I can't just shed 20 lbs in the first month just because I've decided I've had enough of being a fatty.