View Full Version : JUST lost my mum, now I'm being selfish
hangingbasket
22-10-13, 21:47
My mum passed away on Friday. She fought a long hard battle against breast cancer which spread to her bones and liver. Eventually she just couldnt fight anymore.
Obviously I am devastated. Now I feel SO selfish for even saying it, but my anxiety is going CRAZY!! I am a severe hypochondriac anyway, but I dont know how to control this.
Of course I have now decided that Im going to get breast cancer, and the last couple of days my right breast is painful. No lumps or anything but it's a bit sore and tender. The rational side of me says its because of how much I've been poking them the last week or so to check for lumps, but the irrational side screams I HAVE CANCER!!!
Im so scared. Im in the process of arranging my mums funeral. She was only 55. Now this anxiety is getting in the way of me grieving. By the way.. Im 29. Please someone tell me breast cancer is rare at this age???
I am on my smart phone so can't give you the reply you deserve (I will pm you tomorrow if it is ok as I have so much empathy for you but don't want to go in to detail about why here)
But in short, you are not being selfish, not at all. Breast cancer is very rare at 29. And I am so very, very sorry x x x
Firstly, so sorry to hear your sad news. Your emotions will be all over the place, and it's not surprising your anxiety has increased. You're not being selfish at all. Do you have support from family and friends? Breast cancer is rare at your age. Try to focus on grieving and the funeral, and see how you feel in a week or two. But don't punish yourself for being anxious, you can't help it.
Big hugs.
You are not being selfish at all and your anxiety is understandable in the circumstances. I think it would be wise to visit your gp who will be able to help you with medication and maybe bereavement counselling. Also since your mum had breast cancer they will keep a better check on you. Ask your doctor about this also.
Please keep posting on here as I am sure there will be lots of us who want to support you through this awful time. Sending you hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs:
I'm sorry to hear of your Mom's passing. Losing a loved one is difficult at any age and for any reason but she was young and being a cancer survivor, I do know how nasty the beast is.
She is at peace now and no longer suffering. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
It's no wonder your HA is in overdrive. It's to be expected with such a traumatic loss. However, the chances of you having breast cancer are pretty much nil as you don't have any symptoms or reason to think this other than your anxiety. I know it's difficult but now is the time to hold onto the rational you that knows you're fine and take care of the things you need to take care of.
Grieving is a process and you'll grieve in the way that's best for you and in the time frame that it happens to come. Right now, things are in a whirlwind so don't be to worried about it. Take care of business, be there for your family as they will be there for you.
Again, my condolences to you and yours on your loss.
Positive thoughts and prayers
So sorry to hear of your loss :(
Nobody thinks straight or feels normal just after losing someone close, so don't be surprised at your anxiety going a bit crazy just now, or your thoughts taking you where you don't want them to...
When you're ready, go and see your GP - I'm sure you'll get a lot of understanding and reassurance.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
You are not selfish, just someone who has lost their mum too young and your emotions are all over the place. Into the bargain you suffer health anxiety, this is part of the anxiety.
X
hangingbasket
23-10-13, 21:08
Thank you all for the kind words.
I have a question though... a few of you have told me to see my GP.. why is this?
Do you mean for help with bereavement and anxiety? Or do you mean because I may have breast cancer because my mum had it?
I think people mean for support with bereavement and anxiety.
:hugs:hangingbasket i dont think you are selfish at all you are a scared young woman who has been to hell and back watching her young Mum fight this awful illness i lost my Mum when i was 34 and i know i had thoughts of being terrified of this illness all the grief and pain is so close at the moment nothing is logical im so very sorry for your sad loss but you cant help feeling scared and traumatised its normal God bless you and everyone is here to help and listen its a slow journey but you will make it
Thank you all for the kind words.
I have a question though... a few of you have told me to see my GP.. why is this?
Do you mean for help with bereavement and anxiety? Or do you mean because I may have breast cancer because my mum had it?
Yes for help with your anxiety and bereavement counselling :hugs::hugs::hugs:
---------- Post added at 22:12 ---------- Previous post was at 21:47 ----------
I did mention in my earlier comment about breast cancer but not because I was thinking about you having it, I don't think that at all and I am sure that any pains you have at the moment will be from tension and stress. Since you Mum had breast cancer though, your gp will probably keep a good check on you which is a good thing, it doesn't mean that you will ever get it though. Speak to your doctor about your concerns.
In the meantime, make time for yourself to rest and treat yourself. You have just gone through a really difficult time. :hugs::hugs:
Hi hanging basket. I am really very sorry to hear about your mother passing away, this must be very difficult for you and I am not surprised you do not feel great. It is such a lot to take in and is bound to trigger feelings of anxiety. The grieving process is different for us all and perhaps these intense feelings you have are a part of that process.
It is such a traumatic experience when a loved one dies and it must have been terribly difficult for you watch her go downhill. It is true, as was said below, at least now she is at peace and no longer suffering.
As regards your Query about people suggesting you visit your GP, it would indeed first and foremost be for reassurance by way of discussing your anxiety and also perhaps receiving bereavement counselling. The latter, from my understanding is extremely beneficial. But of course it would be for you to decide when and if that is appropriate.
In relation to your own future well-being, rather than wishing to make you feel more worried, rather by way of reassurance, I think posters meant that its worth your doctor knowing about any family history of disease (regardless of what that is) simply as it is helpful for them to know and also means you can be aware of pointers for the future. It doesn't mean anyone feels anything untoward is going to happen. far from it.... I read it to be that people are wishing to share knowledge with you and hopefully to put your mind at rest at the same time. I hope that makes sense.
Also everyone here will do everything they can to support you and offer comfort.
Thank you all for the kind words.
I have a question though... a few of you have told me to see my GP.. why is this?
Do you mean for help with bereavement and anxiety? Or do you mean because I may have breast cancer because my mum had it?
I mentioned seeing the GP for both reasons actually. Firstly so that your practice can support you in any way you need regarding getting you through these very sad days, and secondly to discuss whether you need regular monitoring in view of your Mum's illness.
But that doesn't mean I think you have any signs of it.. It's just good advice regarding taking the best care of yourself. x
I wondered how you are doing HangingBasket?
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