Not looking after myself

[OwenF]

Here goes...

A year ago I changed jobs, this was a bad move. Day one my "crazy mood" kicked in - why did I do this, I'm going to be fired etc. I had been with that company for 10yrs was respected and head hunted for my current role.

I've been on/off meds and don't go back to the docs because I looking after myself is low priority compared to family, worrying about work and drinking helps / doesn't need a prescription or lying about how much better I feel

Today I had an interview with the previous company (this took a lot) - I'm worried about what I will do if I don't get it as going to work makes me feel sick, not that I'm effective when I'm there anyway (headless panicking chicken comes to mind) every time I get an email it sets of crazy mood worrying about what I haven't done and when I will be sacked.

It's funny - used to exercise a lot, socialise and be happy. Now I'm a quivering recluse. When I'm in a bad place I shut down with friends which makes me worse - I admitted to close friends (when drunk) the issues I'm having everyone.

Writing this I'm numb - can I get a new brain please

[NE21 worrier]

Hello Owen,

:welcome: to NMP. There's a lot of good people on here.

Sorry to hear things are tough at the moment but at least you have acknowledged that something needs to be done even by posting on here.

I would suggest something does need to be done, though. You need to give your health a higher priority because ultimately it will affect things like your family life and work life anyway - and I can only speculate but that might be the case even if you are successful in rejoining your previous employer.

Speak to your GP about the problems which you are having with anxiety and perhaps consider CBT (cognitive-behaviour therapy) and/or medication. Get this nailed now and you'll find life easier whatever your circumstances. By the way, is there any way of you mentioning your issues to someone at your (current) work? Hopefully, they would be understanding and anxiety is covered under the Equalities Act.

Also, I've usually found my friends to be understanding when I have told them about my anxiety issues. I hope you got a similar hearing.

Keep posting,
Peter

[OwenF]

Thanks peter

I need to go to my gp and be honest. If there was a way of forcing me to take meds I'm sure I would be in a better place. If cbt is talking to a therapist I previously dismissed this but tbh now might be a good idea - can they take blubbing messes on the first session?

[NE21 worrier]

Well, they're not there to judge you... and it's likely they'll have seen worse. As I say, you seem pretty self-aware. Hope you do look into getting things sorted, though :)

[OwenF]

So I didn't get the role in my last company. Tbh I thought I would care more.

[Down_Lo]

Hi Owen,

Sorry to hear that buddy, just try and stay positive and something else might come up.

Just read your post and noticed you had posted on mine as well, that's the situation that I am worried sick to death about. Dont get me wrong I hate my job just now but the confidence to move on is the issue.

After I spoke to you guys about it yesterday, I literally didn't get a mins sleep last night. Went to bed stressing how to let the other mob know and then once i tried to get it out my head i couldn't switch off! Anyway had to take the day off and went to my GP about my health as well.

Feel like im putting everything else first over my health and well-being and it has to stop and prioritise, its easier said than done but iv been trying to avoid it all and hope it goes away and its only getting worse.

Just keep looking for alternative work, at least you have the confidence to move on and take risks which i need to work towards.

[OwenF]

I'm a big fan of podcasts when going to sleep. Loud enough to distract me and about an hour in I'm off like a log. One called the mental illness happy hour is good as it's 2hrs long.
I could never switch off before this.

Getting to your gp is great - I know I'm ill but I don't like admitting it and going makes me feel week / ashamed which I know is nonsense.

Stress levels medium, guy working under me that I hated and caused me stress left today. I'm taking this as a way of making change and things easier for me....my brain will change my mind the next time I get an email though!