Desperate Please Help Me

[marthajones]

Hello everyone I am so glad I came upon this site as I have been suffering anxiety and all its related symptons on and off for nearly 30 years and so far have conquered nearly everything that's been thrown at me although the odd thing does rear its ugly head now and then, but what I am going through now has defeated me big time and I really need advice and of course your experiences. Here's my story, Last year I twisted my left knee badly and at first I thought it was getting better so carried on without seeking a doctors advice then somehow I managed to twist the right knee which reacted in the same way with pain and swelling etc, again I tried to convince myself it would heal on its own, well 10 months down the line I realised that wasn't going to happen, both knees are so stiff and painful I became so depressed (again) I felt like a cripple and that my life was over, my Husband practically dragged me kicking and screaming to the Doctors where I was referred for an MRI, that was the first thing I had to overcome I cancelled the first appointment because it was in a standard sized scanner and as I have private insurance I stuck to my guns and found somewhere with an open one, so I did manage to have it done in the end and of course it was fine my body was outside the machine and it would have been, even in a standard tubular MRI, anyway the outcome was I had torn my medial meniscus (cartilage) in exactly the same place on both of my knees. I went then to see an orthopedic surgeon who told me surgery is the only answer they will never heal on their own. That's where my nightmare begins, I went through all the pre op tests went to see the anesthetist who told me I would be having local anesthetic to numb me from the waist down and then numb my left leg (only having one done at a time) well when I googled it (yeah I know) I found out that your blood pressure and heart rate drop considerably and in some cases can cause cardiac arrest and even death, thing is I take bisoprolol to lower my blood pressure which is in normal range now but I have a very low heart rate 57-59 bpm which apparently is a major risk factor. Well the day before my surgery I cancelled it I said it was due to a family emergency and that I would be in touch at a later date, I am so sick of being so scared to do anything I am now hobbling like a cripple unable to go out of the house I am back to square one with my anxiety issues, panic attacks ,pvc's, lump in the throat, feeling sick all the time, unable to eat or sleep I just don't know where to turn my choices are live like a cripple or get the surgery and what's freaking me out even more is that I have to have it done TWICE 6 weeks apart. My surgery was meant to be on Monday 21st Oct so I am trying to take stock and calm down as much as I can but I know time is ticking I have to make a decision please help what would you do ?

[gypcyg]

Before your op, you will have a chance to talk to the doctor and you can remind him about the meds you are taking and the worries you have - He will then make sure that everything is in place for you to have the operation as safely as possible.

Everything is a risk you know? Getting a shower in the morning, Eating breakfast, Driving to the hospital, buying a newspaper. But we mustn't think like that - We MUST concentrate on the positives - After your operation your legs will be working again and the pain will be gone!!! Otherwise you can avoid the operations and your legs will get worse - would you like being pushed around in a wheelchair? You need to trust the doctor, explain to him that you have anxiety issues and the doctor will help you because you certainly won't be the first patient he/she has treated who has had them.

Good luck!

[Vonnyj]

So sorry you are feeling so bad. PLEASE dont google things - you could die of taking a paracetamol of you believe what you read! I am absolutely sure your doctors would not recommend you have the ops if they thought you were in any danger - they are not going to take un neccessary risks. If they know you have a low heart rate (and its not that low normal range is 60 - 85) they will monitor you very carefully. I have several friends who have had the same op as you - my best friend is just recovering from her second op and she said it wasn't bad at all and she is fine! They do the op very quickly so you wouldn't be under long. You need to use all your coping techniques to get your anxiety back under control - you have done it before you can do it again! Staying at home because you can't get out isn't going to help so you need to muster all your courage and set another date. perhaps you could see a hypnotherapist to relax you enough to get you through the ops? Honestly you will be fine - modern anaesthetics are very safe these days! Maybe your doctor can put you in touch with someone who has had the op to re-assure you? If you have any questions I could ask my friend for you. Get on the phone right now and make that appointment!!! You know you have to have this done - when you have recovered you will be able to get out and about and do all the things you used to. Just focus on that thought - keep thinking forward to how you will feel when you can do all the thing you used to that will see you through. Good luck x

[Mistabig2006]

It could be worthwhile speaking to your doctor and advising them of the anxiety problems, even asking to be put under for the op as you feel you'd struggle with just a local. It's still not pleasant but the fear is over quickly as it takes seconds to fall under. Once you wake up it's done and dusted, and you'll be able to start walking again soon after.

Doctors have a track record of ignoring anxiety issues, but when you're the one having problems it can be overwhelming. Inform the doctor of the reason you cancelled, tell him you're scared to have the op and the reason behind it.

[pepsi]

I agree !! Goggling stuff sends your mind into anxiety over drive. There are risks with everything but cancellong ops isnt the right way. Youre obviously suffering badly let them fix you up ..trust them to look after you you have to . We all place our trust in professionals at one time or another....it will be fine and dine and dealt with x good luck !!

[marthajones]

Thank you all so much for your replies as I am reading them I am crying I know your right I know deep down what I have to do and want to do, just to be able to take a walk without pain would be a dream come true, its just the fear of the unknown and what if's what if the spinal goes up too far and stops me from breathing but as you say I have to speak to the Doctor or probably better the anesthetist again thank you so much :hugs:

[Annie0904]

I have very low blood pressure and have been anaesthetised for operations 7 times and had no problems at all.
Unfortunately they have to tell you all the risks even if they have never happened. My son had a major op and they told me that "there is a risk of death from this operation" I asked if anyone had ever died from it and he said no. They just say it to cover themselves. They would NOT operate if they thought you were in any danger at all
Anaesthetists are highly experienced and would monitor you all the time so that you would not be in any danger.
You are probably in more danger walking down the street but you are not going to stop that are you? Trust the professionals, they really will look after you and you will be in a lot more better health afterwards.
If I was in your position, even though I hate hospitals and hate the thought of having an operation, I WOULD have it done. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[pepsi]

I recall having 2 spinal blocks oh my god was a terrified but they know what yhey are doing I reolise the panic you feel...I cancelled dentist appointments over and over bacause I couldnt face it ..nit ghr same I know....but hunnie listen....they wouldnt do it if they thought you were at huge risk they would tell you too and let you decide risks happen every day crossing thr road...crashing your car ....everything believe me im obsessed with potential dangers you have to let them the nhs proffesionals fix you ! Make your appointment its 2 hurdles and your done !

[marthajones]

Hi all, I don't know if this reply will bump this thread, if it doesn't I will post another one, all I want to do is say a huge thankyou to all of you for your words of encouragement and support I did get another appointment with my anaesthetist who as you quite rightly said put my mind at rest and explained everything in great detail, so before I knew what I was doing I agreed to another date for the op that was November 13th this Wednesday just gone, leading up to that day every time I felt panicky and anxious I re- read your replies and they gave me the strength to go through with it, my nerves as usual made an alright situation far worse than it should have been with me listening constantly to the heart monitor bleepiing away etc and literally waiting for things to go wrong, I was very lightly sedated but only like having a couple of drinks and I was still anxious but if I had been calm it would have been a walk in the park, I felt no pain (I tell a lie when the iv went in it hurt) and the op itself lasted no more than 30 mins, now I'm home with a truck load of meds and even an injection that I do myself into my stomach its to stop blood clots (I have a fear of meds and never take them) so I have yet again overcome things I thought I would never have to face and I am so pleased with myself, when I cancelled my first op I was so depressed and annoyed with myself I felt like a worthless baby, I now realise that to face what it is you fear really is the only answer, so thankyou all once again, I don't think I could have done it without your help.:hugs:

[blue moon]

:DGood on you Martha.....hope you have aspeedy recovery:D
Petra x

[digta]

hi Martha. sounds like me!! i am still waiting for an mr scan but, I have googled things, making myself so ill! good luck, let me know how it goes :)

[Vonnyj]

Thats fantastic news!! Anticipation is usually worse than the event!! Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing!! So pleased you had the courage to go through with it!! Take care xxx

[marthajones]

Hi Vonnyj how are you ? its day 5 and my knee is getting easier to move each day, to be honest the meds have caused me more problems than the op and knee put together, I have to inject my stomache once a day with blood thinning claxane which is a pain (literally) and I take anti inflammatory tablets which upsets my stomache and then I have to take another tablet to stop my stomache being upset which to be honest can't be working because I have stomache cramps and don't feel right in fact Saturday night I couldn't get off the toilet,really interferred with me watching X Factor:D I'm off to hospital tomorrow to get the stitches out and as I don't have any swelling or much bruising for that matter I am going to ask if I can come off the anti inflammatories as they really don't agree with me. Taking tablets is another phobia of mine that I have had to overcome as in the past I have read every worrying bit of information on them, this time I knew I just had to take them so didn't even bother looking at the info. I'm just so glad that I listened to all of your advice and just want to get the other one done and over with for a brand new start next year.