Leonore
25-10-13, 15:57
Hi everyone, I'm 30 and live in London. I've always been a very busy person; I play the flute, sing, have been known the race bicycles, but earlier in the year everything just came crashing down. I had a period on anxiety in my early 20s, triggered by a relationship which was very bad for me. At the time I (and my parents) were very slow to realise, or admit, that I had a medical problem which I now see was both anxiety and OCD (ROCD and HOCD). Looking at things in hindsight, the signs of dormant OCD had always been there. I felt so ashamed that it took me ages to admit my fears. Eventually I was put on citalopram, which helped, and had some counselling, which I can't really say did, and gradually got better. I probably didn't deal with the core issues though, and at an especially stressful time in my life it all came back again.
So, I went back on citalopram in January. I had the most horrendous start up effects imaginable. I felt so desperate and so scared that I had to go to A&E, I had no idea what was happening to me. That calmed down in a few days and I started to feel better bit by bit. Then in June it all happened again. My GP decided the citalopram might not be the best thing for me so swapped me to sertraline. I had refreshingly little trouble getting off the citalopram, but I really think he made me do it too quickly. Then he put me straight on a pretty big dose of sertraline without titrating up at all. I went haywire, just like when I started citalopram. The GP was adamant it wasn't a side effect and that this was 'just me', which made me feel worse. I went to another GP who said I must just be someone who reacts really badly to SSRIs. He told me to come straight off it and get it out of my system before we reassessed. By this point I was so fed up that I paid to see a specialist privately. I'm furious I had to do this but the wait on the NHS would have been ridiculous. Despite the cost it was a godsend. Finally someone who understood this medication! He told me I'd been very badly treated by the GPs, which was annoying to hear but also explained a lot. I was off work for about 6 weeks in the summer. I've been back for 6 now, with one or two wobbles but it's been a lot better than I expected. The last couple of days though have not been good...
He tried me on quetiapine to try and even out my weird mood swings, but that didn't agree with me either. So now I'm trying to get myself onto amitriptyline. It was plain sailing until I got to 40mg. I was feeling SO much better. Then I had a bad couple of days after upping the dose. Again for a week or so I felt great, but when I went up to 50mg my intrusive thoughts went crazy. I'm not feeling too good right now and just hoping that if this is yet another drug reaction by my stupid brain that it'll pass and I'll settle down. I just want to be happy again!
I'm also having CBT, which does help. I think I'd definitely be in a worse place without it.
So, I went back on citalopram in January. I had the most horrendous start up effects imaginable. I felt so desperate and so scared that I had to go to A&E, I had no idea what was happening to me. That calmed down in a few days and I started to feel better bit by bit. Then in June it all happened again. My GP decided the citalopram might not be the best thing for me so swapped me to sertraline. I had refreshingly little trouble getting off the citalopram, but I really think he made me do it too quickly. Then he put me straight on a pretty big dose of sertraline without titrating up at all. I went haywire, just like when I started citalopram. The GP was adamant it wasn't a side effect and that this was 'just me', which made me feel worse. I went to another GP who said I must just be someone who reacts really badly to SSRIs. He told me to come straight off it and get it out of my system before we reassessed. By this point I was so fed up that I paid to see a specialist privately. I'm furious I had to do this but the wait on the NHS would have been ridiculous. Despite the cost it was a godsend. Finally someone who understood this medication! He told me I'd been very badly treated by the GPs, which was annoying to hear but also explained a lot. I was off work for about 6 weeks in the summer. I've been back for 6 now, with one or two wobbles but it's been a lot better than I expected. The last couple of days though have not been good...
He tried me on quetiapine to try and even out my weird mood swings, but that didn't agree with me either. So now I'm trying to get myself onto amitriptyline. It was plain sailing until I got to 40mg. I was feeling SO much better. Then I had a bad couple of days after upping the dose. Again for a week or so I felt great, but when I went up to 50mg my intrusive thoughts went crazy. I'm not feeling too good right now and just hoping that if this is yet another drug reaction by my stupid brain that it'll pass and I'll settle down. I just want to be happy again!
I'm also having CBT, which does help. I think I'd definitely be in a worse place without it.