really struggling...need advice.

[Kez_miller]

Hi guys,

Well usually this time of year excites me massively, the smell of cold foggy air at night, snow, family, halloween, bonfire night and xmas....this year I'm really struggling to summon any excitement. My situation is as follows.

For those of you who don't know, i gave up my house and job to be a full time carer for my grandparents who raised me from birth, my grandad as just been diagnosed with lung cancer, he had radio therapy but it didn't work and now been told that nothing else can be done and its growing, my grandma is disabled and has heart failure, my other grandad had a stroke two weeks ago and my uncle had a stroke 3 days ago. thing is my grandma and grandad who i moved in with to look after have been nothing but abusive, no matter what i do its wrong, they tell me I'm not doing nothing (when I'm working out my skin to help them) they call me fat (which i am but don't need telling because its a sore point with me that i let myself go over he last couple of years) i have no money except £50 a week that i get for looking after them full time so therefore i can't get my own place again, i have no job because stupidly and unselfishly gave it up, to which i have applied for about 150 jobs since then but no1 gets back to me. i can't even get jobs i don't want just to get me out the house. My girlfriend that i lived with for 5 years seems to be drifting away and i hardly see her any more. maybe an hour or 2 every few days. and i just don't know what to do. I've tried to keep positive but i just can't keep doing it, because god knows that whilst I'm in this bad situation and then added to that my grandad WILL die very soon i feel that I'm just gonna be pushed over the edge. either kill me physically because of the stress or end up having a breakdown at 22 years old! i have no real friends, well i have one but bless him his grandad just passed away from cancer so i can't burden him with my troubles now and I'm just at my lowest point ever. I'm not sure what I'm looking for posting this, I'm not looking for sympathy because I'm not that type of person to fish for it, i guess its just to get it off my chest that I'm really struggling! anyway guys thank you for reading and hope to chat to some of you soon! Kez x

[Kez_miller]

really struggling to find advice or words of encouragement :(

[Daisy Sue]

Hi Kez.. I think the main positive thing I took from your difficult situation is that you're obviously a very caring and conscientious person. To have given up your own life and needs to look after your poorly grandparents is something not many young men would do so readily. So take heart - you're doing a very good thing, and even if they do moan at you, you're still doing the very best you can, when they're needing it most. This will stay with you forever, long after they're gone, and believe me it makes a difference when you look back and know you were a good grandson.

If you need some real support, you could give Age Concern a ring - they're brilliant at helping with all aspects of elderly care, and it might give you a lot of encouragement & get your thoughts back on track.

[Sands]

Hi kez. I'm sorry to hear about all that ur going through. U have certainly got a lot on your plate. I too care for my father and like your situation he can be very mentally abusive. My mother died 12 years ago so there is nobody but myself who can take on his care. It's a difficult one because as much as I want to be there for him it is very stressful. What I try to do and I do this sometimes better than others is understand when he's being nasty that he is frustrated and probably doesn't mean everything he says. Life is far from easy for him and I try to remember that. That's not saying that you or I don't deserve more but I know I can't leave him to it, I couldn't live with that. My mother was a young woman when she died so as a family we have been through a lot.

I don't have too much advice because it is bloody hard I know but I understand at least and if u ever want to chat message me. Take care x

[Round in circles]

Hi Kez, you sound like you have an awful lot on your plate, and at such a young age. I wish I had some sage advice to offer, or some words to make you feel better. I know my mum goes to talk to people at a local Carers' support organisation. Is there anything like that in your area? You might be able to find out from your GP or perhaps the library.

Mum had to look after my Grandma who has just passed away after a 3 year battle with dementia. She says being supported and having people to talk to really made things so much more bearable. It might be worth looking into.