Kez_miller
25-10-13, 22:36
Hi guys,
Well usually this time of year excites me massively, the smell of cold foggy air at night, snow, family, halloween, bonfire night and xmas....this year I'm really struggling to summon any excitement. My situation is as follows.
For those of you who don't know, i gave up my house and job to be a full time carer for my grandparents who raised me from birth, my grandad as just been diagnosed with lung cancer, he had radio therapy but it didn't work and now been told that nothing else can be done and its growing, my grandma is disabled and has heart failure, my other grandad had a stroke two weeks ago and my uncle had a stroke 3 days ago. thing is my grandma and grandad who i moved in with to look after have been nothing but abusive, no matter what i do its wrong, they tell me I'm not doing nothing (when I'm working out my skin to help them) they call me fat (which i am but don't need telling because its a sore point with me that i let myself go over he last couple of years) i have no money except £50 a week that i get for looking after them full time so therefore i can't get my own place again, i have no job because stupidly and unselfishly gave it up, to which i have applied for about 150 jobs since then but no1 gets back to me. i can't even get jobs i don't want just to get me out the house. My girlfriend that i lived with for 5 years seems to be drifting away and i hardly see her any more. maybe an hour or 2 every few days. and i just don't know what to do. I've tried to keep positive but i just can't keep doing it, because god knows that whilst I'm in this bad situation and then added to that my grandad WILL die very soon i feel that I'm just gonna be pushed over the edge. either kill me physically because of the stress or end up having a breakdown at 22 years old! i have no real friends, well i have one but bless him his grandad just passed away from cancer so i can't burden him with my troubles now and I'm just at my lowest point ever. I'm not sure what I'm looking for posting this, I'm not looking for sympathy because I'm not that type of person to fish for it, i guess its just to get it off my chest that I'm really struggling! anyway guys thank you for reading and hope to chat to some of you soon! Kez x
Well usually this time of year excites me massively, the smell of cold foggy air at night, snow, family, halloween, bonfire night and xmas....this year I'm really struggling to summon any excitement. My situation is as follows.
For those of you who don't know, i gave up my house and job to be a full time carer for my grandparents who raised me from birth, my grandad as just been diagnosed with lung cancer, he had radio therapy but it didn't work and now been told that nothing else can be done and its growing, my grandma is disabled and has heart failure, my other grandad had a stroke two weeks ago and my uncle had a stroke 3 days ago. thing is my grandma and grandad who i moved in with to look after have been nothing but abusive, no matter what i do its wrong, they tell me I'm not doing nothing (when I'm working out my skin to help them) they call me fat (which i am but don't need telling because its a sore point with me that i let myself go over he last couple of years) i have no money except £50 a week that i get for looking after them full time so therefore i can't get my own place again, i have no job because stupidly and unselfishly gave it up, to which i have applied for about 150 jobs since then but no1 gets back to me. i can't even get jobs i don't want just to get me out the house. My girlfriend that i lived with for 5 years seems to be drifting away and i hardly see her any more. maybe an hour or 2 every few days. and i just don't know what to do. I've tried to keep positive but i just can't keep doing it, because god knows that whilst I'm in this bad situation and then added to that my grandad WILL die very soon i feel that I'm just gonna be pushed over the edge. either kill me physically because of the stress or end up having a breakdown at 22 years old! i have no real friends, well i have one but bless him his grandad just passed away from cancer so i can't burden him with my troubles now and I'm just at my lowest point ever. I'm not sure what I'm looking for posting this, I'm not looking for sympathy because I'm not that type of person to fish for it, i guess its just to get it off my chest that I'm really struggling! anyway guys thank you for reading and hope to chat to some of you soon! Kez x