kesteral
25-10-13, 23:17
I had been debating as to whether or not I was going to post on these boards. These aren't the first anxiety boards I've posted on, nor will they be the last at this rate. The reason why I've posted this is not to get some reassurance from you nice people and fellow anxiety sufferers, because I know how it'll go. It's a pattern that I've repeated over and over again. I experience a symptom, freak out and google what it could be. I then assume it can only be one thing (obviously the worst condition possible) and then endlessly research until I know everything about it. Then over the next few days/weeks I pick up on every weird feeling or sensation that seems a bit odd in my body, and assume that they must be related and try to connect the two symptoms to the illness. If I don't get an answer I'm satisfied with at first I keep looking until finally I find some link between the two. Then I look for reassurance from people until finally I forget about it and move on.
This time is no different, I feel so certain based off my symptoms that I have an illness. A horrible illness, one that'll most likely kill me. I've never felt so certain in my life, apart from the last time I felt this certain and the time before that. The only difference this time is that it's affecting my relationship with my girlfriend, not making me enjoy life and starting to control me. The former is what I'm worried about most, I want to get over this for her, because I've put her through quite a lot recently that she doesn't deserve and I don't want to lose her.
This particular episode has become so bad I even dragged my girlfriend to the A&E for five hours and unsurprisingly, after a few tests, I was sent home with nothing wrong with me. Being me though, of course I felt they were wrong and that there is still something there. I took a day off work recently because I couldn't cope. To be honest most of this has been related to symptoms at work, not at home, but that's no excuse.
So I'm not going to list off my symptoms. I know for a fact other people in my situation have felt like this and had similar symptoms and really, who should I listen to? Random people over the internet telling me I'm fine or multiple Doctors saying it doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with me. Besides, I won't believe any of you anyway in truth. I just can't seem to believe anyone but myself right now.
The reason I've posted this then is because I want to sort this out for her, for us and a little bit for me. So please, fire away on how I can get over this because frankly I am stumped and I'm worried that if I keep being like this I will lose her. Which to be honest, would be just as bad as being diagnosed with some terrible disease. How do I learn to enjoy life again? How do I get back to normal? How do I solve this?
Thanks for reading.
EDIT: I'd just like to mention that I have an appointment with a therapist scheduled for Tuesday over the phone. So I am trying to get over this and I have been given help, but I want to know how to fix myself. I don't want to have to rely on other people.
This time is no different, I feel so certain based off my symptoms that I have an illness. A horrible illness, one that'll most likely kill me. I've never felt so certain in my life, apart from the last time I felt this certain and the time before that. The only difference this time is that it's affecting my relationship with my girlfriend, not making me enjoy life and starting to control me. The former is what I'm worried about most, I want to get over this for her, because I've put her through quite a lot recently that she doesn't deserve and I don't want to lose her.
This particular episode has become so bad I even dragged my girlfriend to the A&E for five hours and unsurprisingly, after a few tests, I was sent home with nothing wrong with me. Being me though, of course I felt they were wrong and that there is still something there. I took a day off work recently because I couldn't cope. To be honest most of this has been related to symptoms at work, not at home, but that's no excuse.
So I'm not going to list off my symptoms. I know for a fact other people in my situation have felt like this and had similar symptoms and really, who should I listen to? Random people over the internet telling me I'm fine or multiple Doctors saying it doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with me. Besides, I won't believe any of you anyway in truth. I just can't seem to believe anyone but myself right now.
The reason I've posted this then is because I want to sort this out for her, for us and a little bit for me. So please, fire away on how I can get over this because frankly I am stumped and I'm worried that if I keep being like this I will lose her. Which to be honest, would be just as bad as being diagnosed with some terrible disease. How do I learn to enjoy life again? How do I get back to normal? How do I solve this?
Thanks for reading.
EDIT: I'd just like to mention that I have an appointment with a therapist scheduled for Tuesday over the phone. So I am trying to get over this and I have been given help, but I want to know how to fix myself. I don't want to have to rely on other people.