Help. At the end of my rope.

[kesteral]

I had been debating as to whether or not I was going to post on these boards. These aren't the first anxiety boards I've posted on, nor will they be the last at this rate. The reason why I've posted this is not to get some reassurance from you nice people and fellow anxiety sufferers, because I know how it'll go. It's a pattern that I've repeated over and over again. I experience a symptom, freak out and google what it could be. I then assume it can only be one thing (obviously the worst condition possible) and then endlessly research until I know everything about it. Then over the next few days/weeks I pick up on every weird feeling or sensation that seems a bit odd in my body, and assume that they must be related and try to connect the two symptoms to the illness. If I don't get an answer I'm satisfied with at first I keep looking until finally I find some link between the two. Then I look for reassurance from people until finally I forget about it and move on.

This time is no different, I feel so certain based off my symptoms that I have an illness. A horrible illness, one that'll most likely kill me. I've never felt so certain in my life, apart from the last time I felt this certain and the time before that. The only difference this time is that it's affecting my relationship with my girlfriend, not making me enjoy life and starting to control me. The former is what I'm worried about most, I want to get over this for her, because I've put her through quite a lot recently that she doesn't deserve and I don't want to lose her.

This particular episode has become so bad I even dragged my girlfriend to the A&E for five hours and unsurprisingly, after a few tests, I was sent home with nothing wrong with me. Being me though, of course I felt they were wrong and that there is still something there. I took a day off work recently because I couldn't cope. To be honest most of this has been related to symptoms at work, not at home, but that's no excuse.

So I'm not going to list off my symptoms. I know for a fact other people in my situation have felt like this and had similar symptoms and really, who should I listen to? Random people over the internet telling me I'm fine or multiple Doctors saying it doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with me. Besides, I won't believe any of you anyway in truth. I just can't seem to believe anyone but myself right now.

The reason I've posted this then is because I want to sort this out for her, for us and a little bit for me. So please, fire away on how I can get over this because frankly I am stumped and I'm worried that if I keep being like this I will lose her. Which to be honest, would be just as bad as being diagnosed with some terrible disease. How do I learn to enjoy life again? How do I get back to normal? How do I solve this?

Thanks for reading.

EDIT: I'd just like to mention that I have an appointment with a therapist scheduled for Tuesday over the phone. So I am trying to get over this and I have been given help, but I want to know how to fix myself. I don't want to have to rely on other people.

[Annie0904]

Hi welcome to Nmp I am sure you will find lots of support here. Have you considered having cognitive behaviour therapy to help you?

[Fazzz]

Hello and welcome! The one thing i will say is that everyone who is posting in this health anxiety forum has been in the same place as you. Lets just say i was really bad, and i mean really bad with hypochondria at one point. You WILL get over it.

In regards the the whole girlfriend thing, talk to her. Tell her everything. How scared it makes you feel, how real the symptoms actually are, after all you DO feel them. If she really does care for you im sure she will understand.

Please keep my posted on how things are going, and also how your sessions go!

Best of luck!

[emeraldgirl]

Welcome and be assured you are among like minded people. In the short term I think distraction is the best thing you can try and do. Believe me ( and I've been in a very bad place this last couple of weeks and still am) it's an effort because everything is an effort when you feel like this. I have found that if I force myself to do something different such as take a walk, go shopping etc it does make me feel better because I am less focused on the symptoms. In the long term however something like CBT would be good. Good luck.

[MRS STRESS ED]

:welcome:there is lots of help and support here and as everyone has said cbt is worth a try

[Chili9]

I'm going through the exact same situation as you Kesteral. My boyfriend was over last night after about a week or so of pushing him away as I don't know about anyone else but I'd rather be alone and this all set off after having my daughter 6 years ago that I have something major. You hit a note saying that you try to link symptoms together which is what I do. I'm at the stage of being petrified to undress in case I see something "scary". I am waiting on a psychology apt which will focus on CBT. Have you thought about this. And after pushing my boyfriend away I told him how I felt and he was really sympathetic and even gave me a massage to calm me down! Result :winks: I think communication is the key. Help them understand. :hugs:

[kesteral]

Thank you guys. It really helps that I have somewhere I can go to talk about this. Although this might not be the most orthodox way to treat myself, speaking to people over the internet who suffer from the same problem does help because it shows it's not just me who feels this way. If I've learnt anything about my illness, it's that one of the biggest problems I've had is feeling alone. Not because I am alone, but I seem to push people away.

I have spoken to my girlfriend and she's been really supportive, but I worry if I keep leaning on her too much it's going to damage our relationship. We've already had one disastrous weekend away that was supposed to be perfect, but I ruined it. I don't want her to have to deal with my problems either, she has a few of her own and it's not fair on her.

I don't know what to do, I've never been this bad before. Or at least I don't think I have been. I just can't seem to stop thinking about my health and in particular the symptoms linked to the illness I think I have. Like I mentioned I've got a CBT appointment Tuesday, but I have no idea how I'm supposed to be normal until then. I feel like I'm wasting my life worrying about things, but I just can't convince myself that I am. I can't think rationally or logically, they've long gone out the window. I just need tips or advice on how to beat this myself, or at least control it.

I suppose it doesn't help that I have a cold right now, which I'm assuming/hoping is the cause for a few of these symptoms.

[rach79]

Thank you guys. It really helps that I have somewhere I can go to talk about this. Although this might not be the most orthodox way to treat myself, speaking to people over the internet who suffer from the same problem does help because it shows it's not just me who feels this way. If I've learnt anything about my illness, it's that one of the biggest problems I've had is feeling alone. Not because I am alone, but I seem to push people away.

I have spoken to my girlfriend and she's been really supportive, but I worry if I keep leaning on her too much it's going to damage our relationship. We've already had one disastrous weekend away that was supposed to be perfect, but I ruined it. I don't want her to have to deal with my problems either, she has a few of her own and it's not fair on her.

I don't know what to do, I've never been this bad before. Or at least I don't think I have been. I just can't seem to stop thinking about my health and in particular the symptoms linked to the illness I think I have. Like I mentioned I've got a CBT appointment Tuesday, but I have no idea how I'm supposed to be normal until then. I feel like I'm wasting my life worrying about things, but I just can't convince myself that I am. I can't think rationally or logically, they've long gone out the window. I just need tips or advice on how to beat this myself, or at least control it.

I suppose it doesn't help that I have a cold right now, which I'm assuming/hoping is the cause for a few of these symptoms.

Hi kesteral,

I hope you're as well as you can be.

We're all in very similar circumstances here, regardless of whatever symptoms, illness or disease we seem to be very capable of diagnosing ourselves with.

The internet's a blessing but it's also a curse as it allows us to frantically google every single detail of any ache, pain, lump or bump on our bodies, ultimately resulting in major anxiety and hopelessness!!

Please try not to beat yourself up about your relationship with your girlfriend, you're most likely being very harsh on yourself and I'm sure she is more concerned than anything when it comes to your anxiety issues. This will not damage a relationship, if anything, it will make it stronger! You mentioned that she is already supportive and that's great. I'm sure you'd be just as supportive to her if she was in your shoes, right?

With the help of CBT, friends and family and some patience, you WILL get through this. It's easy for me to say this to you but I'm going through the same sort of stuff too and it's pure hell. But rationally thinking (something I rarely do) we can all overcome this if we take baby steps in the right direction.

Take care,

Rach