Feel like I had a mental break this morning....

[MarkJames3]

For the past 5 years my anxiety has been manageable, sometimes its worse than others and at times have not gone into work through lack of motivation etc

My anxiety has always been to the point that if i find something, I book a docs appt and when they say its fine i go away happy, I rarely want to go for further tests etc.

However being in this state of general anxiety for 5 years, I decided recently to try and overcome it, I took steps to be free from anxiety like no more googling, resisting booking docs apointments straight away, stopped drinking caffiene (fizzy drinks are my weakness) and briefly started swimming.

Over the past month or so its felt the more I try and fight this anxiety the more it hits back harder... for a while I have felt that something was building up, started checking my body more often and paying more attention to moles etc

Then this morning I was in the shower I felt something on my body, panic gripped me like usual but it felt a bit stronger, I knew this feeling was here to stay and knew I needed to see a doc, rang out of hours GP and they said they were quite busy this morning so best to book an appointment with regular GP on monday... I came away from the call feeling ok, so started to get on with my day then about 20 mins later something just came over me and i felt panic like I have never felt it before, felt like I was going to have a heart attack, i have had many little panic attacks before but this felt 100x worse.

Next thing I knew I was driving in my car towards A&E, I felt like I was having an absolute mental breakdown, in my mind I kind of knew that the thing I found on my body was only camouflage for how I felt and me finding that wasnt the actual problem. I knew the docs at A&E would be pissed off that I came and I knew they would find nothing as per usual but panic and this mental breakdown had taken over.

I sit here now, firstly realising I wasted a whole morning for nothing and also realising that I have a bigger problem than just what symptoms or things on my body I find... its deeper than that, something is causing my anxiety and its not my symptoms etc they are just triggers or catalysts to whats really going on.

I feel like this morning has taken me through a mentally vigirous washing machine and now I am trying to pick up the pieces. I have had enough of constantly worrying, going to the doctors with every symptom is not going to solves what is fundamentally wrong with me, I need to start looking at other areas of my life that aren't making me happy.

Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it out! haha

[HoneyLove]

Mark it sounds like you could use some help with the anxious thought processes you struggle with. This can be one of the hardest parts of anxiety and it's no surprise that most of us need help with it.

CBT is exceptionally good for this, it will help you look t the way you think and create healthier thought patterns. Have you ever tried it?

[Tanner40]

Mark, CBT has helped me in the past. It has allowed me to look at which of my thoughts are irrational and replace that thought with a positive, rational response. I know that when I'm in the midst of a particularly bad panic attack, that it is much harder to look at those automatic irrational thoughts with a rational response. Whenever I'm able to do that, I certainly feel better.

[MarkJames3]

Hi Guys,

Thanks for the feedback, actually in the past 5 years I have had guided self help back about 4 years ago (and something I am starting again on tues) Docs have said I am not bad enough to have CBT yet.... I have also been on Citralopram (spelling?) about 4 years ago but came off them as they didn't help, i have also had Hypnoanalytic therapy which helped at the time.

Generally from day to day I 'cope' just this morning I felt like I had hit rock bottom! haha...

I just personally think that its other factors that are prolonging my anxiety, maybe money worries, job security or just simple change in my life. Feel like I am definitley having at late 20's crisis! haha

[HoneyLove]

Anyone with any level of anxiety problems will benefit from CBT, you don't need to go through your doctor you can always arrange private sessions?

All of us have difficult things going on in our lives, the different is that those of us with anxiety have difficulty rationalising, dealing with and letting go of our worries. So yes, other factors may be at play for you, but it's how you deal with the stress and worry that determines your levels of anxiety. Getting help with this really is key to recovery.

[MarkJames3]

The one thing I really enjoy and what really relaxes me is having a professional massage, I got talking to a chiropractor who had a long chat with me about the link between posture, muscle tension and nerve problems and anxiety, I have always always had problems with my back abd neck due to my height so going to give this a go as well, she is confident it will help with my anxiety. It's a new route so will see how it goes :-)

[HoneyLove]

Massage is a great idea, especially if you suffer with muscle tension :)

However a daily relaxation exercise, one like meditation that will stimulate your sympathetic nervous system, would even better for you and is recommended for people who suffer with chronic stress or anxiety. The relaxation response is something we need to work on daily.

I get the feeling that you're resistant to the idea of setting up CBT sessions for yourself? This is more likely to help you break those destructive thought patterns than massage.