MarkJames3
26-10-13, 13:48
For the past 5 years my anxiety has been manageable, sometimes its worse than others and at times have not gone into work through lack of motivation etc
My anxiety has always been to the point that if i find something, I book a docs appt and when they say its fine i go away happy, I rarely want to go for further tests etc.
However being in this state of general anxiety for 5 years, I decided recently to try and overcome it, I took steps to be free from anxiety like no more googling, resisting booking docs apointments straight away, stopped drinking caffiene (fizzy drinks are my weakness) and briefly started swimming.
Over the past month or so its felt the more I try and fight this anxiety the more it hits back harder... for a while I have felt that something was building up, started checking my body more often and paying more attention to moles etc
Then this morning I was in the shower I felt something on my body, panic gripped me like usual but it felt a bit stronger, I knew this feeling was here to stay and knew I needed to see a doc, rang out of hours GP and they said they were quite busy this morning so best to book an appointment with regular GP on monday... I came away from the call feeling ok, so started to get on with my day then about 20 mins later something just came over me and i felt panic like I have never felt it before, felt like I was going to have a heart attack, i have had many little panic attacks before but this felt 100x worse.
Next thing I knew I was driving in my car towards A&E, I felt like I was having an absolute mental breakdown, in my mind I kind of knew that the thing I found on my body was only camouflage for how I felt and me finding that wasnt the actual problem. I knew the docs at A&E would be pissed off that I came and I knew they would find nothing as per usual but panic and this mental breakdown had taken over.
I sit here now, firstly realising I wasted a whole morning for nothing and also realising that I have a bigger problem than just what symptoms or things on my body I find... its deeper than that, something is causing my anxiety and its not my symptoms etc they are just triggers or catalysts to whats really going on.
I feel like this morning has taken me through a mentally vigirous washing machine and now I am trying to pick up the pieces. I have had enough of constantly worrying, going to the doctors with every symptom is not going to solves what is fundamentally wrong with me, I need to start looking at other areas of my life that aren't making me happy.
Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it out! haha
My anxiety has always been to the point that if i find something, I book a docs appt and when they say its fine i go away happy, I rarely want to go for further tests etc.
However being in this state of general anxiety for 5 years, I decided recently to try and overcome it, I took steps to be free from anxiety like no more googling, resisting booking docs apointments straight away, stopped drinking caffiene (fizzy drinks are my weakness) and briefly started swimming.
Over the past month or so its felt the more I try and fight this anxiety the more it hits back harder... for a while I have felt that something was building up, started checking my body more often and paying more attention to moles etc
Then this morning I was in the shower I felt something on my body, panic gripped me like usual but it felt a bit stronger, I knew this feeling was here to stay and knew I needed to see a doc, rang out of hours GP and they said they were quite busy this morning so best to book an appointment with regular GP on monday... I came away from the call feeling ok, so started to get on with my day then about 20 mins later something just came over me and i felt panic like I have never felt it before, felt like I was going to have a heart attack, i have had many little panic attacks before but this felt 100x worse.
Next thing I knew I was driving in my car towards A&E, I felt like I was having an absolute mental breakdown, in my mind I kind of knew that the thing I found on my body was only camouflage for how I felt and me finding that wasnt the actual problem. I knew the docs at A&E would be pissed off that I came and I knew they would find nothing as per usual but panic and this mental breakdown had taken over.
I sit here now, firstly realising I wasted a whole morning for nothing and also realising that I have a bigger problem than just what symptoms or things on my body I find... its deeper than that, something is causing my anxiety and its not my symptoms etc they are just triggers or catalysts to whats really going on.
I feel like this morning has taken me through a mentally vigirous washing machine and now I am trying to pick up the pieces. I have had enough of constantly worrying, going to the doctors with every symptom is not going to solves what is fundamentally wrong with me, I need to start looking at other areas of my life that aren't making me happy.
Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it out! haha