I am an idiot

[Pansy potter]

Hi ... So embarrassed but I want to share this, I have had years of anxiety since I was 13 and did not know what it was, growing up in Scotland in the 80's sympathy for a wet blanket was not abundant!!! You would think having a mother who was a psyc nurse would have helped but she was the worst one!!!
She also helped me develop an eating disorder as she constantly talked about her weight ( 71/2 stone) I was 81/2 stone and she called me fat all the time and all the time boasting about her job when she nursed anorexics
IT'S TRUE!! Funny when I look back actually that anxiety is the only thing I have now.
So cut to moving to Australia for 7 years from 20-26 I discovered recreational drugs and finally felt free ... My beloved papa died and I returned to Scotland, he died of a massive heart attack at 73
Ever since the attacks were viscous but I stopped all drugs .... I'm now 40 and live in Los Angeles, I have a wonderful like but I had a few stressors last week and I had some coke last night aaaaaahhh!!! Terrible anxiety today that I am going to die of a heart attack, reading this has helped enormously and I'm so glad I found you all, I just want to get better, I have Xanax and tried CBT but I didn't do well with it, also tried celexa and it made me like a zombie
I am so tired

[Hopeandlove]

Hi Pansy

[T*]

Hi, no need to be embarassed about anything here. Are you able to identify the stressors? I think you probably already know what coke does to your heartrate, that can make you feel your panicig a lot, I know of people who have hadnsevere chest pains with it and hought they were dying. You probably also know he coke keeps you awake, so first I think yu should work on trying to stay away from it, its doing you no good. Thankyou for sharing your story x

[craigj1303]

Hi There!

I have been a very, very infrequent user of Cocaine over the years. Literally I dabble a little couple of times a year on a night out and if the right people (or wrong people, whichever way you look at it!) are there. Usually it will go hand in hand with a good few drinks!

What I would say is that after the night in question, the following few days are always amongst the most anxious I ever experience. I can never sleep well for a good few nights after, often waking up several times, brain on high alert, getting panicky, having intrusive thoughts etc.

I have been unable to put it down to the large volume of alcohol, the coke, even cigarettes (another thing I do an a night out along with the drink but not normally!). Or is it a combination of them all? I don't know. I get anxiety after heavy drinking sessions at times when I haven't touched any coke so I don't believe it is the sole reason but I would suggest it is certainly a trigger, or stressor as you call it.

As the coke is so infrequent in my life, I can give it a miss but I don't want to stop drinking completely. I don't wanna drink loads all the time, that's not the point, but if I am going to a Wedding Reception for example I would like to be able to let my hair down and enjoy myself without feeling tons of anxiety for days after! A lot of it is in the mind I believe. Because you feel rough the next day, or "abnormal" I suppose, the anxious persons mind runs away with itself and you get the old "why do I feel this way" panics.