View Full Version : Needing encouragement please
Hi all,
This site has been inspirational to me on numerous occassions and when feeling good I have, I think been able to help others, but I feel really stuck in my own anxiety at the moment.
Although I have coped well recently with anxiety I keep falling back into the pit. I had a really bad day yesterday having risen early and felt very anxious I succumbed to the self pity mode that I seem to have an urge to go to. I suppose it's really a cry for help. Then after several hours of real desperation and crying, I eventually realise that this gets me nowhere and I start all over again.
Everything I read tells me that I should stop fighting this feeling and start accepting it. I believe this is the only way and yet I still don't seem to be able to do it. When the feelings come especially in the dark in the early morning, I still try to push them away will do anything to relieve the pain. My mind races and I go through all of the therapies trying to accept trying to let it go trying to not be too upset by the feelings, but if I'm honest I am looking to reduce the anxiety all of the time. I just don't seem to be able to function properly with the anxiety when it reaches its peak.
This morning again I panicked, and I immediately pick up my iPad and my kindle and read, read, read, in an attempt to try and find a way of thinking that helps me. I have read so much that I think I know an absolute expert on the subject and yet I cannot help myself. I do understand that I am still trying to relieve the symptoms, but the urge to do so seems to be overwhelming.
I am posting this so that somebody can give me some advice or support. It's because I've simply got fed up with trying, and I'm really not sure where I should go next.
I suppose I need to start all over again, and really except. And I mean really except. I don't think I've really ever done that...
It sometimes feels that one sentence might do the trick one little thing that will mean something to me and encourage me to really go ahead with my life while I'm anxious.
Thanks...
Phil
Hi Phil, as soon as the anxiety starts you need to concentrate on your breathing, slow breaths in through your nose, hold it for a few seconds and let it out slowly. Have you had CBT? If not you may find it helpful.
Like I say... I am an expert... I have done CBT as a group and one to one... I meditate .. Do deep breathing etc.
With me, even after feeling a lot better and out with friends on Saturday, a few bad thoughts on Sunday morning and a spell of high anxiety leads me to want to find a new solution, or a new mantra to get me back on track with acceptance.
My whole mind and body drives me to turn to my wife and beg for help. Of course she cannot fix me... Neither can my GP... They can only offer encouragement. I know I have to help myself, but at the moment I am frightened of losing the will. A bit of depression probably isn't helping. I have tried meds and it was a nightmare... I will not go down that road again.
Sorry for this rant... I suppose what I really want to hear is...
I will get better
This is just a blip
It's OK to be anxious
Keep practicing... It will pay off eventually.
And all that stuff!
I just wonder if I read too much, obsess about it... Think about it too much... Am I doing this right etc?
Phil
I would say that yes it is a blip and there is always light at the end of the tunnel. We all get bad days even after a lot of good. The important thing is to focus on the good days. No matter how little the positives may seem, you must focus on those and not the negatives. Some mornings I wake really anxious but I think yes but yesterday I did this (positive). The good days become more frequent and as they do, if a bad one comes along we can think oh this is just a little blip, I've got over it before and can do it again :)
Hi Phil,
I can relate to your post, I know I must accept anxiety but have relentlessly searched for ways to overcome, rationalise and obliterate anxiety from my life. I'm still learning and practising at accepting anxiety myself, I go through periods of time devouring everything I can read about anxiety and at other times refusing to acknowledge that I have anxiety and think that by ignoring it, it will go away - we both know neither of these strategies work.
You know what you must do but can't do it. It sounds like your being hard on yourself and berating yourself for feeling anxious, when anxiety is normal, you don't have to like it, understand it, find reasons for it or try to solve it. Anxiety just is. Accept it. You're fed up of trying, I've said that often, but what are you fed up of trying? Trying to ignore anxiety, trying to find an answer, trying to live with anxiety. It is time to stop trying and just let it be. You can not think yourself out of being anxious but you can learn to live with it (I'm still learning) and in time the anxiety will disappear.
Things that are helping me are -
Claire Weekes books and audio, she shouts about utter acceptance and you cannot ignore her!
Studying and practicing mindful meditation, Mark Williams book and audio is good.
Fake it until you make it. Meaning you act like you want to be, this doesn't mean you deny feeling any anxiety but you don't change your behaviour believing that your brain will rewire itself and remember how to feel confident and content.
Medication. I've not had good experiences with drugs but Propanolol helps with the racing heart every morning and I've recently started Trazodone which seems to be helping a little.
Keeping busy, which is harder said than done when feeling pants but you cannot think yourself out of anxiety and less time ruminating is best for me.
Be kind to myself, trying to do things I enjoy everyday, eating and drinking regularly, taking Omega 3 and multi vits, exercise, avoiding caffeine, all the regular anxiety 'cures'.
No one stays like this forever Phil, it will get better. Stop trying so hard to reduce your anxiety, it's counterproductive and you will not solve it this way. Do the opposite and tell yourself you are anxious and it's something you are going to live with. Carry on regardless.
Sam x
Phil,
I can relate as I belong to a couple of oral cancer forums (moderate on one). While I was going through the diagnostic process, treatment and afterwards, they were a life saver for me. Recently however, I found I needed to step away for my own mental health. Seeing so many new posters, reading about their fears as well as others with recurrences of their cancer and still others with side effects plaguing them years after treatment doesn't help.
I guess you can say I'm adapting to what my "new normal" is. My life is not the same and never will be but I have to move forward and make what it is now the best it can be. While forums like this and others are a blessing, one must be careful not to feed negativity and that's something that can happen in situations like this.
Be well and keep fighting! In many ways an anxiety sufferer has to be a warrior much like a cancer patient. I beat my cancer for now. I'm a "survivor". I'll always be a survivor as one is never truly cured. The same goes for anxiety. You can beat it but it requires fighting every day. Just like my cancer is a thought in the back of my mind every day of my life, so are your fears. We have to take the role of warrior seriously to keep the enemy away.
Positive thoughts and prayers
Thanks all for your words of encouragement...
Tufty,
Your post has lifted my mood.... It hits the spot and helps me to start accepting again.
I was thinking about making a visit to the GP but am unsure now. I did try a spell on Citalopram for the first time recently. The experience was bad and I am scared of trying any meds as a result. I want to do this on my own to gain the self confidence of success.
I think I can go with the anxiety as long as i feel that it is the right road and will eventually pay off. I think (well I think too much,) that I just need to realise that this doesn't mean feeling good at the moment and for as long as it takes. This is what you have reminded me about.
The paradox!! It's all a paradox... A trap that I have fallen into. A bad long spell and I gave up on the way forward! At least when you decide to carry on even with the anxiety, you take a load off...the searching, the thinking... I need to just STOP.
Thanks both.
Phil
---------- Post added at 13:15 ---------- Previous post was at 11:30 ----------
Just an update...
I have done this before, so no expectations here, but I got my act together and went out, went for a swim. And every time I found myself thinking I don't feel well I remembered that this is okay. Practice , practice...
I also remember that my own mind cant really do acceptance but it doesn't have to ....I do.
I thought I'd post this update just to let people know that this is a common mistake especially with me. My thinking mind kicks in and starts arguing with me when I am feeling anxious. It's a fine Art to dismiss the thoughts and thank my mind for its interference but not take what I'm thinking seriously. But it does help.
The battling has stopped for now...
I still feel nausea, and tense but not so distressed. My thinking mind still want reassurance that I can do everything while feeling unwell... But once again I have to accept that certainty is also not an option.
I will though allow myself to think this will all pass... But in its own time.
Phil
Volvoman50
28-10-13, 14:35
Thanks for posts its helps me too as I am the same at the moment obsessing about anxiety how to combat it etc etc I too need to accept things I will keep working on this. Thanks all.
Volvoman,
It is a struggle isn't it.
I have resolved to allow it to be as it is and the day has been a lot better, except when a thought flits into you mind and the anxios stomach knots up. It is so easy to react to this in a judgmental way instead of just going with the flow... But it is good practice.
I also keep looking for certainty.... That it will get better....
I suppose I just need to keep telling myself this....
Phil
---------- Post added at 18:39 ---------- Previous post was at 17:46 ----------
Update..
Just to encourage the process of acceptance, however difficult, it is a simple idea but a tricky process as you sort of have to realise that you are not your thoughts. When you get the feelings then the thoughts come..."I can't do this", but you can recognise how this is not helpful and discard it. My mind continues to jabber away to me for a while but the anxiety seems to subside a little .. So a bit of relief comes... A reward, without trying!
I will probably not post on this thread again... Just need to take a break from writing and reading for a while...
I hope it was helpful... It was or me.
Phil
Phil, how is your diet. Have you ever considered getting a food intolerance test? A lot of time the imbalances we have are from the foods we eat that cause problems we grow accustom to. Everyone has a few. Perhaps, getting rid of these imbalances will help keep your hormones and brain chemistry normal? Just a thought.
Browncow,
I eat a reasonably healthy diet... A good breakfast, not too many carbs, fish, salads, fruit etc. I am fairly confident that this is not a problem as up until January I had a very long spell without any problems with anxiety except for normal levels occasionally. 7 years in fact. I have had 3 or 4 episodes throughout my life... And got through them... This time seems to be quite a long and difficult period, probably because I am retired, can't say I have any real problems and I don't have a busy life anymore.
I haven't really changed my eating recently so I don't think this is a problem, but who knows. I try and keep things simple if I can. I don't really want to go off looking for new solutions.
I am slowly learning to accept, and still tripping up on a daily basis. Today was doing well , letting the anxiety just sit with me and not getting into any struggles with it, then I had a funny 20 minutes where I got really angry that it was getting stronger and I didn't know why ( probably some thoughts) and I got really emotional and lost it for a while. But I have done this soooo many times recently, the frustration of feeling overwhelmed by it seems to give me an irresistible urge to escalate things. It gets me nowhere and I am slowly learning this. I need to learn to recognise this urge and just let it go in the same way as other silly thoughts and urges. Sooner or later I will learn to lose a bit of the fear of the anxiety and realise when it mounts that it will pass.... Then I think I will really be getting somewhere!
Thanks again.
Phil
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