New and scared.

[HarleyTwin]

It's been a while since I've joined a forum like this, and I kind of suck at being sociable on forums too. So I apologize.

I'm at a bit of an impasse right now, and I'm typing this in the middle of a panic attack - my thoughts will ramble and I apologize if I don't make much sense.

I'm alone. I live by myself and have suffered from severe agoraphobia for the last 4 years. I have two dogs, no local friends and currently, my mother (the only person I see on a daily basis, and is my legal carer.) is on vacation far away. It's also 5AM.

I live in Australia - and I know this site usually is mostly UK-based.

A few issues I'll add to this quickly so you can sort of get an idea of what I'm dealing with.

I have PTSD, Severe anxiety and agoraphobia. I'm also a hypochondriac (fantastic combo) and sadly, have Dependant Personality Disorder.

It's Wednesday, and my mother doesn't come back until Friday - and even then I may not see her until Saturday.

At the moment, I'm going through health issues. Mainly...bowel issues. Or at least, I hope that's what it is. Being a anxious hypochondriac and being alone...I'm panicking about it being appendicitis. It's awful. I'm having mild and (not constant) pains in my tummy. I haven't gone to the bathroom properly in about 2-5 days, apart from a few "pebbles" (sorry for the graphics, really I am) and just took some Movicol, hoping it's just constipation blocking wind that needs to come out. I've not a clue about the proper symptoms of appendicitis, but I've heard horror stories of it going "undetected" to the point of danger. However, I don't feel sick - apart from the usual acid reflux I suffer from and the "yuck" feeling I get when anxious. the pain is not severe, just pricks in my side once ever 5 minutes or so, and they started pretty randomly only in the last hour or two. I have no fever...that I can tell. So, that's got to be a good sign, right?

I'm kind of lost right now...I'm all alone and calling a hospital won't help. My medical records of panic attacks and hypochondria etc tend to make them treat me as an idiot and tell me to stop worrying before they just don't bother. It's very disconcerting. Plus, I can't actually *get* to a hospital due to my agoraphobia and no car...and I don't have $500 for an ambulance over something that just might be constipation and a stupid head.

I actually found this site when looking up advice on Movicol and found a thread...which is kind of lucky I guess. My greatest fear right now is getting sick because I'm stuck. I literally have no one. Unless my two dogs count, and they can't really do much...

I'm sorry this was so long. I thought it would be shorter but I guess I rambled. I don't like having panic attacks when I'm alone...especially I know I'm going to be alone for practically a week. I'm really really frightened right now and I feel like a child lost in a crowd.

[luci]

hi Harley :)

I'm new too, hello!

First off I can relate to how you are feeling and I know that is not much help right now :/

Secondly take deep breaths ok, it certainly sounds like you have became constipated though stress, it happens to me too. The Movicol will probably take a few hours to get things moving, in the mean time focus on staying calm. You certainly have no symptoms of anything worse.

If you cant sleep stay on the site and look around, offer help to others if you feel up to it, chat to people, focus on your online friends, were all here :) you aren't alone!

In England we have something called a 'crisis team' who you can call and will talk you through your panic/anxiety attack.... id there a similar service where you are?

I hope I helped in some way

[HarleyTwin]

Thank you, Luci, and welcome to you, as well. I'm feeling a little bit better at the moment, it's coming and going. These days, my anxiety is usually triggered by something physical or health-wise. It tends to happen a lot more in times of severe isolation like this - so I can sound a bit whiney. It's embarrassing. Lol.

Unfortunately here, as far as I know, there's no set-up for it. There's suicide hotlines - but I'm far from suicidal or I wouldn't be panicking about having something potentially fatal. Heh. IF there is a crisis team however, I'd be worried they wouldn't be available after hours. There's a crisis line for suicide that is only available until 1am...which is pretty ridiculous, in my opinion.

Sometimes focusing on things other than how I'm feeling can settle me, so I've been spending the last couple of hours watching Mork and Mindy and Doctor Who - it's working for the most part and the sun has just come up. I'm a little better during the daytime hours, thankfully.

I have a feeling I may have IBS, and possibly for the last few months, GERD (almost everything I eat or drink causes reflux even when not stressed) so that probably isn't helping my situation at all.

I had a tiny bit of Nu-Lax before I had half a sachet of the Movicol and I'm feeling a tad better physically, but can't shake off the nerves just yet. So I'm hoping once I feel a bit better the last of the nerves will disappear and I can relax a bit. I just wish it was Thursday already so I could get some more if needed, as the sachet was given to me by my dad a few days ago...and the only one I had in case. I'm a little low on everything right now and days before payday are the worst.

I've constantly been asking my mom about getting a residential nurse to come a few times a week, but apparently it's really expensive - and on the pension, impossible. I don't think I'd get approved just for not being able to leave my house. Which, in the last couple of weeks I've actually broken through just a little bit.

And I'm rambling again...

But thank you, Luci. Sometimes I think I need to be brought back to reality and snap out of my panic.

[Candyknitter]

Hi
Luci has given you great advice, can I just add that you must drink lots of fluids (pref. water) to get that Movicol working. A Chinese friend told me drinking hot water gets things moving quicker and it really does!
Hang on in there until your mum gets back, you can do it x

[Shammy]

Do not worry about the stomach pains or toilet trouble. After a huge panic attack I too had sharp pains in my abdomen and sides, I rushed to A&E convinced I was dying but all tests and scans came back clear.

Are you able to drink normally? I found that drinking diluted pure orange juice constantly seemed to help clear my stomach out. It wouldn't hurt you to take a Gaviscon tablet or liquid form either to help with the acid.

I found that drinking dioralyte helped to rebalance my body as well, you can lose a lot of salts which does not help with your body in stress

Unless you have a high temperature or blood in your urine I would not assume anything sinister. But if the pains worsen at all then please book an appointment to doctors

Is there anyone one here you would be happy to regularly message contact in times of need? I live in england but have family in australia too so I know how isolated you can feel