Terrified in my new work

[layla_]

I have already introduced myself in the introduction forum and spelled out my issue there, but I thought I'd post in here too for those people that don't visit that forum.

I am a very sensitive and anxious person, yet at the same time, quite extroverted in personality. So I kind of feel a lot of the time I have a conflict going on in me, well lately at my new job anyway.

So this is my current problem. I've recently changed jobs because the work was boring me and I wasn't going to get a payrise any time soon. I felt like I belonged to a family though, I got on with the guys there so well, considering I was the only female - I work in IT.

In my new place, I have fear a lot of the time. There's 2 bosses, ones really laid back and the other's quite excitable and very quick and witty. He makes me feel nervous as I don't think I am on the same wavelength and struggle to communicate with him. I don't really have to anyway as what I'm working on isn't his project - it's the other boss.

He's not always in, and it's not like he's an ogre, he's just a guy. I just have this real fear of speaking when he's in the office. Plus it's quite quiet in there anyway, the 2 bosses know each other really well, and all the other staff have only been there maybe a maximum of 3 months (It's a new company). I just don't feel I have anything to talk to any of them about. I do try but a lot of the time it just ends and doesn't lead to feeling I know them better or anything. So I kind of feel quite isolated.

I'm naturally quite a fun, excitable, bubbly person that laughs and sings a lot. But I feel like I have to suppress all that, so I feel just stifled, and almost terrified when the other boss is in. Kind of like I'm going to get found out - don't know for what.

Can anyone relate and does anyone have any tips? My shoulders were really sore tonight and I realised it was because I had them tensed all day. I felt like I was on alert to run at any point. I was poised, all day. Poised for what I don't know. Just tense and waiting. I couldn't relax. I can't go on like this :(

[Greg17]

Hi Layla,

Welcome to the community! :)

I can definitely relate. I have been in the situation you describe - going from comfortable and familiar surroundings to a new environment full of strangers. I have also just been told that my position is being moved to the US, so I need to look for a new job, which means some more scary change up ahead!

I think one of the key things I have found over the years, particularly in an office environment, is that people simply love to talk about themselves. So try to ask them questions; about their work - what they're working on, what challenges they're facing or successes they have had; ask them about their weekend (this can be crushingly dull - but it builds relationships); ask them what they watched on TV last night. By doing this, you will likely find some common ground you can relate to, and even more thrillingly, you may have something to say about the given subject :) As scary as it is, you need to put yourself in those situations. If you think about the familial feeling at your last place, I would guess that those relationships didn't just instantly form - they were built on time, experience, and trust.

You have already shown how brave you are by taking the plunge to improve your situation in a job you found boring and weren't compensated appropriately, so given some time, you can definitely get through this, settle in, and maybe even enjoy being with your new colleagues! It'll be scary (and as I mentioned before - sometimes dull ;) ) but worth it :)

One other thing too. Just like you, I keep a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders. First, I would ask if your workstation is set up correctly at work - we spend so much of our time at a desk in terrible postures for our body. There are some good sites on the web that talk about breaks from the worst of them, and changes you can make to relieve some of the stress on your body. Second, I found this lovely video on youtube a couple of weeks ago which is a guided exercise through relieving shoulder tension http://youtu.be/MkWRKGsNRGU

Good luck, and I would love to hear how you get on :)

greg

[layla_]

Hello, thank you for your reply.

Well I would love to ask them stuff about themselves, but the office is so quiet, it's like everyone's listening. Plus, the way it is laid out, I only sit next to one person, so he's the only one I can kind of initiate conversation with, and to be honest, he's a bit of an idiot. Loves talking about himself and showing off, but at least it's good to be able to communicate with someone.

For some reason it's when its quiet I feel most anxious. When the air con was on a few weeks ago its felt ok, there was background noise, I felt safe, but the quiet, it just makes me apprehensive, especially if the other boss is in.

[Greg17]

Can you listen to an iPod in the office? I found this app called 'Chatter Blocker' for iPhone which I see to drown out the inane chatter of some of the idiots around me (we're all surrounded by them :)). It has a function on where you can set it to play the sound of background chatter. Maybe you could do that with one ear in to alleviate the silence?

Also, is there much of a social scene? Do the employees at your new work go out together? Perhaps if feeling brave one day you could suggest going for a drink after work? Big step, I know. But you may feel more comfortable getting to know your new colleagues in a noisier environment where you don't feel like very one can hear what you have to say?

[layla_]

Can you listen to an iPod in the office? I found this app called 'Chatter Blocker' for iPhone which I see to drown out the inane chatter of some of the idiots around me (we're all surrounded by them :)). It has a function on where you can set it to play the sound of background chatter. Maybe you could do that with one ear in to alleviate the silence?

Also, is there much of a social scene? Do the employees at your new work go out together? Perhaps if feeling brave one day you could suggest going for a drink after work? Big step, I know. But you may feel more comfortable getting to know your new colleagues in a noisier environment where you don't feel like very one can hear what you have to say?

Hey thats a great idea. If all I need is background noise then why not create some? I sometimes listen to the radio, that helps, although I become panicky if I can't hear what's going on around me, so I can't have it too loud.

Well they are going for drinks tomorrow night and invited me. I might go, but if I do, I won't drink. Which makes me wonder if it's worth going! They'll be somewhere noisy where I'll have to shout to be heard and feel left out. Look at me 'catastrophising' and knowing what will happen before it does! Maybe I should go along...

[Greg17]

If you can go along, great! If not, there will be other opportunities for sure :) perhaps arm yourself with a leaving excuse if you feel too uncomfortable.

And good spot on the catastrophising. I totally do that too! Good luck :)