Coping with Panic when looking after children

[Tiffyw12]

Hi all, I am new to the site. Its half term school holidays and normally I would be enjoying this time with my two girls (5&3y). It's an horrific struggle to try and maintain calm in front of them. I have suffered from panic attacks for the last four months. After reading up on anxiety I know realize, due to a sporadic traumatic time in my childhood, I have always suffered from severe anxiety. I could not take the medication my GP gave me, it made me feel worse. I'm currently using flower remedies, something I've always used in the past. I'm waiting to be referred for CBT. Any other parents out there know any ways of trying to cope with looking after little ones, while you think you're going to drop down dead when the attack starts? My partner is working during the day, and the only way I can contact my brother and sister is via skype! Just wish I could be a normal, calm mummy :weep:

[ankietyjoe]

Yeah it's a hard one.

When I suffered badly it was left to my partner to go to work and I was at home with our young son (he was 2 at the time). She used to work from about 9-4pm.

The one thing I used to do was to take videos on my phone and when I was feeling bad we'd have 'video on the bed' time (which he loved). This meant I could lay down and feel like crap, he would be entertained so as not to focus on me and I had some time to let it pass.

Ultimately they are going to see you suffer, but I used to blame headaches etc.

[Col]

I had a breakdown 2011 and acute panic attacks leading to agrophobia.I've currently got 2 kids and one due very very soon. That's causing major issues for me at the moment. Petrified of labour. Anyway atthe height of my breakdown, Driving to my daughters primary school 5 mins up the road, would leave me exhausted.

I found after months of hellish GAD this actually helped my kids have been my saving grace- u have to carry on for them. You have to get up , you have to wash and cook for them weather or not u want to eat , wash ect.

My daughter has witnessed me panic especially when driving. Sad but u can't protect them from everything unfortunatly.

General things that helped me, Manuka honey, YouTube for tapping and relation exercises Pilates, baking, crochet, setting small goals , taking things in bite size pieces. Oh better diet less caffeine.

[Twinset]

I try very very hard to hide my panic from my children... Sometimes that means a DVD/cbeebies while I escape to a different room. They see me take rescue remedy... they call it 'mummy's medicine'! Some days are better than others... I worry about my panic stopping them from doing stuff, especially when I am panicking about getting there or trying to avoid leaving the house! It the desperate desire to keep my panic from hindering their daily life that keeps me going.

[Col]

I try very very hard to hide my panic from my children... Sometimes that means a DVD/cbeebies while I escape to a different room. They see me take rescue remedy... they call it 'mummy's medicine'! Some days are better than others... I worry about my panic stopping them from doing stuff, especially when I am panicking about getting there or trying to avoid leaving the house! It the desperate desire to keep my panic from hindering their daily life that keeps me going.


I feel exactly the same , the guilt if I don't take em out due to my GAD is awful.

[PamG]

I cannot say how pleased I am to know that these guilty feelings are not just me. I am forever telling my cpn who visits me that I 'rely' on my two girls to give me a reason to get on with things. I have terrible guilt that they will miss out on stuff because mummy doesn't like something. So far I have pushed myself to do things for them/with them. Next thing to tackle to taking them to the theatre to see the lion king. Can really see it coming for enough, but I WANT to take them, they are my girls and I don't want to miss out on seeing their wee faces at their first theatre trip. I know I will feel really crappy during the show, and I am just pleading that I will manage to see it through. Trying not to think about it too much just now as that will only set me off in a panic.

All mummies and daddies who suffer from this are all doing their best, and in the eyes of the children they are the best! That's all that matters. Children are resilient.

Would love to hear from other mummies and daddies who deal with this.

Pam x

[Col]

It's sooo hard but as u said Pam - we can only do our best & if our kids knew how much our anxiety restricted us and left us feeling soo very bad - I'm sure if they were old enough to understand , they'd always know what fantastic parents we all were.

Takecare. Good luck with the theatre x

[Penultimate]

I dont have any kids of my own but I work part time in a pre-school, and find it tricky, I find what helps me at work is just taking myself off to the toilets, and having a few minuets to myself to calm down, I often splash my face with water , or run water over my hands for like a few minuets, and then come out and get on with what I was doing at work. Everyone at work just assumes I'm on the toilet and have the tap on because I dont want to be heard on the toilet.

[booju]

Hi - just to say to the OP that I understand how hard it is when ur panicking in front of the kids...& I guess how you deal with it depends on what age they are? today I ended up in tears in the car (backseat) while my OH was driving & my 13 year old was in front. He knows I have anxiety related to driving (or being driven) I had to explain it to him earlier this year after I had a PA in the car with him, driving in snow. If they are still young, maybe you could say you read a sad story & it made you upset - & then reassure them you'll be ok soon, dunno tbh, but my 13 year old was very understanding (though I try my best not to let him witness it as much as possible) x

[Col]

I dont have any kids of my own but I work part time in a pre-school, and find it tricky, I find what helps me at work is just taking myself off to the toilets, and having a few minuets to myself to calm down, I often splash my face with water , or run water over my hands for like a few minuets, and then come out and get on with what I was doing at work. Everyone at work just assumes I'm on the toilet and have the tap on because I dont want to be heard on the toilet.

Hi penultimate, I think theres a massive difference when u look after/ work with other peoples children compared with your own. End of day when you've got kids of your own , the book stops with u! Who else will be responsible for good school attendance, taking them swimming, getting them washed & dressed in the morning? It's a right kick up the bum having your own kids because - no one else will do it & anxiety or not, your kids still have their lives to live. It's sooo hard. I was a trainee science teacher & after I completed my first degree & pondering a career in teaching, I worked with primary kids so, I see your point - I used to have to go to the loo for a moment myself. It is different comparing the 2 with regards to guilt from anxiety.

[retter]

hi there tiff

Sorry to hear that you are suffering so, i wish i had a magic wand to remove this horrible condition for everyone. I too am new to this and have only really had 3/4 major attacks in the last year but they are very hard to shake off.
It sounds as though you just carry on regardless no matter how your feeling and i suppose this is all you can do, but that in itself is quite a achievment. i have 4 kids 2/4/12/15 and they have no idea what im going through. On occassions i have mild attacks which make me uncomftable in their presence so i go to the loo wet my face and and try to compose myself then like you carry on regardless. i am thankful for bedtime as that is you time and can relax fully,make the most of it.Also thankful for this site and find expressing my thoughts helpful. I must take the step to see doctor about this though. i really wish you well and hope your situation improves for you.

[luci]

Hi, I am a single mammy and boy do I know this feeling.... I often need someone with me if I am to take lil one out to do anything which limits us and I feel sooo guilty that he cant just have a trip to the park like other kids because mammy cant face it. My saving grace is winter, ohh its cold out sweetie lets have a snuggle day :/ I feel exposed when I'm out with him alone and my anxiety intensifies as I always have to protect him.....