Woke up angry

[Tanner40]

I woke up this morning angry. For some reason, I am letting my anger scare me and make me anxious. It's like an underlying current that I can't stop focusing on. I'm afraid that my anger will make me lose control and do something horrible, even though I know that I wouldnt. But I can't stop thinking about it.

The anger comes from the same place. Frustration with my partner. I had a tough day yesterday and when I came home, we had to go over finances and everything always ends up being my fault and it turns into a shouting match. My anxiety just can't handle that at this time.

Then the kicker is we have three dogs, one who jumps the fence. Every morning, I am the one who has to get up at 6:00AM and go outside in the cold and the rain with them, while my partner sleeps. This morning, I woke up angry and frustrated about it and for some reason I am dwelling on it. It is making my anxiety worse this morning. I feel afraid of my own anger. It feels uncomfortable to me.

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

[inCOGnito]

there is a saying that we are never angry about what we think we are angry about.

does this anger feel out of proportion? if so I would really dive into it and see what it is really about

[NoPoet]

I woke up this morning angry. For some reason, I am letting my anger scare me and make me anxious. It's like an underlying current that I can't stop focusing on. I'm afraid that my anger will make me lose control and do something horrible, even though I know that I wouldnt. But I can't stop thinking about it.
You nailed it there. It's natural to fear losing control. For example, some people feel that if they allow themselves to get upset about something, it will make them become depressed.

The fact is you already know you are not going to do anything horrible. If you were, you'd be planning it and waiting for the opportunity and you definitely wouldn't be upset about that. During anxiety etc, obsessional thoughts are common but harmless, even though they can be very distressing. You've got to remember that people only act on impulses that give them pleasure unless they are suffering from some kind of rare disorder. So that's why people gamble - they get a huge buzz - and why people with OCD might wash their hands repeatedly - it gives them a way to feel like they are in control and protects them from perceived threat of germs.

It's natural to be aggravated by other people at times, even (or especially) during anxiety. To normalise it, ask yourself: how would someone else feel about this? I doubt many people would be pleased to get up at 6am on a freezing November morning when their partner never does it.


there is a saying that we are never angry about what we think we are angry about.
InCOGnito says it perfectly. In your case it may be that your partner may be behaving selfishly with no regard to your anxiety, so maybe you're really mad about their selfishness.

[Tanner40]

Thanks so much InCOGnito and PsychoPoet. You're both so absolutely correct. The anger probably does go deeper and is something that I will need to focus on and figure out.

As for me, control is a huge issue. I fear losing control. The ultimate loss of control being death, thus, the HA that I deal with. Obsessive thoughts during periods of anxiety make me extremely nervous, and that's exactly what happened. I caught myself rinsing my coffee cup over and over again this morning, because "I could have put something in it". I go through this ritual most mornings when my anxiety takes over. Rationally, I know it is wasted effort and time. Irrationally, there is something about it that must make me feel better.

For me, the anger this morning felt like I had the same out of control feelings. While I had every right to be frustrated over the selfishness, I didn't like the out of control feeling that anger gave me. There was lots of anger in my household, growing up, and I have always felt uncomfortable with expressions of anger. One would think years of therapy would have gotten to the bottom of it, but obviously, I'm still working on it.

Again, thanks so much for the responses. Makes me feel like someone understands.

[NoPoet]

You're welcome :)

As has been discussed, your actual problems here are twofold. One: you feel like you need to tightly control yourself in case you fly apart. Two: you are being aggravated by some of your partner's behaviour. These two different issues are colliding here because you think you're being unreasonable (as in, you feel you are mad at your partner because you are anxious) and you feel this will lead to your downfall (for example, you may be scared you tell your partner how you feel and they leave you or you go into some kind of meltdown).

Always try to look for what is normal about your feelings. You'll find that the more you take part in the world, the more you start experiencing negative emotions. In the early days you'll probably blame the negativity on your anxiety but the truth is there are some things that just bloody annoy us. We turn a normal, minor problem into a major roadblock through fear.

[Michaela2012]

So glad I read this. Reading the replies have actually been a help..
Ive been going through the same, my sons dad is so serious all the time and everything has to be perfect which really streses me out and feel that I have to be perfect so if I get angry and lose control of my thoughts and actions people r going to look at me like im the mad lady & not perfect :( although im aware noones perfect. im so sensitive aswell I always feel like people walk all over me because im not nasty which then makes me angry and again anxious incase I shout at them and make them hate me!! Horrible x

[Rennie1989]

Alisha - there is no one simple solution to this problem, there's different solutions and coping techniques for different people. It's finding which one is more suitable for you.