Confused when accepting... I am!

[phil6]

Hi all,
I am practicing acceptance and determined to NOT avoid things, even if I dread doing them when I feel anxious.
As a result I have arranged to go on some trips with friends and I know I will worry about things like "what if I get panicky and can't cope" and those negative thoughts.
Today I spent most of the morning accepting my anxiety as best I could. It was working fine until I eventually got home and started thinking about it again. The result was some despairing thoughts which included the "I can't do this" thought, and I started to doubt myself.
I despaired and admit really cried about it for an hour.
Crying does sort of make you feel better.. But for me not in a good way as it is becoming a habit when I struggle with accepting the feelings when they get I intense. These bouts are creating a lot of bad memories.
I just get confused over whether I need to fight or resist the feeling and urge to cry as it does sort of mean I am no longer accepting my anxiety but I know that fighting feelings seem to be counter productive...
Anyway your thoughts would be appreciated.
I really would like to get through the bad bits without despairing and blubbing as it might restore a bit if self confidence.
Phil

[inCOGnito]

I commend you for trying hard. Well done phil. :)

A couple of things;

Claire Weekes said some things that you should bare in mind. One was that even complete acceptance won't work straight away because you are still sensitized. So always give it more time, more time than you think or even want to give. she also said that it is those who accept even despair that recover completely. so carry on brave soul!

Don't worry about crying. It is a way to release emotional energy. Accept even crying. Accept the doubt and negative thoughts. Accept it all, surrender to it. Also, if you do cry then let it rip man. Seriously, let it out. don't get dragged into thinking and story telling. just let the crying happen and let the emotion out.

If there are memories that come up then let them come up. Offer no resistance. I really believe that our avoidance of emotion and negative feelings stem from childhood and natural attempts to avoid painful emotions or feelings about ourselves. Maybe these memories are coming up to be processed properly and healed. There's nothing you need to do but experience them fully.

It''s hard work what you are doing but it is the right way. So give yourself a break too at times. It can be emotional work!

I would also suggest this. Acceptance is great, "what you accept, you go beyond". But it's also difficult to blindly accept some things. One way to really get to acceptance is to ask whatever the belief is, if it is true. Anxiety stems from a belief. It's not always conscious what that thought or belief is but there's always a thought believed prior to anxiousness. So, for example, if you have a thought that says "If I eat this peanut butter it might stick in my throat then I'll suffocate and die!". then you ask "is that actually true?". The brain has to know the answer experientially rather than intellectually. That means testing it out. Eating that butter and being ok to live or die.

[Tanner40]

Phil, acceptance is always one of the most difficult things for me to practice. I think that I equate acceptance with giving up, and letting the anxiety win. Accepting my feelings, my thoughts and my anxieties is actually just the opposite. It is when I fight the anxiety that I end up losing. For me, it always feels like a control issue. I want to be in control, and the harder I fight, the less control I have. We must learn to accept the fact that letting go is the only way out of the vicious circle that anxiety creates. Keep on accepting. It will get better.

[phil6]

Thanks both....
These posts are really extremely helpful.
One of my failings is I am a perfectionist and soooo want to accept fully and correctly.
I am a great follower of Claire Weekes, she saved my life many years ago when I watched her on a midday TV interview. It was the first time anyone had described what was going on within me.
Maybe I should add a little compassion into the mix... I am not perfect and never will be.
I think my urge to cry is a frustration that overcomes me when the anxiety goes on all day. I do slip easily into the "why, and what am I doing wrong" mode.
Letting time pass is helpful then... Keeping in mind that this will bear fruit in the end is a good thought.
Thanks again.
Phil

[retter]

wow their is some seriously inspirational things being said here and you all seem to be on a similar journey on how to cope with and how to beat the intense feelings that are caused by anxiety. I have just started on my own journey and i think that if i can get to the level of control or should i say acceptance i will be alot happier with the feelings i experience. So i think that if phil or any of the guys here get doubts, to think of how far that you have come from when you started and feel relieved and take strength from the knowledge that you have come far on your journey and have much to be content about. i hope this has made some sort of sense as your words have helped me and i will bear them in mind when i too feel that i cannot change the overwhelming feelings that try too overcome me. I will accept them and allow the feelings to take their course.
I do also have strong belief and feel that God is on my side and wants me to be at peace without distress and pain, to be happy and live my life fully. This given knowledge helps me on a daily basis. I wish you all the best and hope you can find peace.

[Greg17]

InCOGnito, what an amazing explanation of acceptance. Truly, I think you just helped the penny drop in my head. THANK YOU :yahoo:

[Rennie1989]

Firstly, well done on how well you have done. You've demonstrated that you can change your thinking and to not let those thoughts stop you doing things you enjoy, or want to do. Don't feel bad about crying, it is proven to be a release so stress, anger and upset feel a lot less after an episode of crying. Only be worried if you start crying for no reason.

Don't fight or resist any feeling. Just let it flow. If you want to cry then cry your eyes out. If you get thoughts of 'I can't do this' realise that you're doing it and think 'Right, I can do this, if I do this...'. You've shown us that you can do it, so keep up the good work. In time it will start working more.