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Fly2Freedom
03-11-06, 16:52
Hi everyone.[:X]
Just wondered if anyone had had abusive cold childhoods or dysfunctional parents.
Would you agree that a loving stable childhood sets the foundations for the future>like in giving you self confidence etc.
I know that some people did have but are still confident and dont suffer with nerves{they are lucky}I dont blame or hate anyone but its amazing Im still suffering after all these years.
Do you think its better to move away from such parents instead of hoping for something that will never happen?
I dont focus on the past but its just :there:

Love xFlyx

Antipodes
05-11-06, 07:20
Hi Fly2Freedom,

If you are still suffering after all these years, you might see your doctor or a psychiatrist and look at the possibility you have been mis-diagnosed and consider the possibility your disorder is in fact posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). PTSD is quite common in cases where children have grown up with abuse in all its forms.

I hope you don't have PTSD (I do) but it is all too common that people are misdiagnosed because the doctors don't ask the right quertions. I have met several former GAD and SAD peers who go on to find their disorder is in fact PTSD. I did a post about this as I think it is a bit of a scandle.

I hope this is of some help.

Antipodes

missacorah
05-11-06, 12:36
I believe I had a happy, balanced childhood. I was always an extrememly shy and anxious child but have only been told recently by my mother that she has anxiety issues virtually the whole way through my childhood which she managed to keep well hidden from me.

I remember at school, dreading certain lessons as we would have to sit in a circle to discuss things which I thought was the worst thing in the world. Also as i was quite academic at school, I was always chosen to read aloud in assemblies etc which truly terrifed me. Also, once a year someone would be chosen to read at a drama festival at another school infront of other competitors and worse still, judges who would then grade you!Horrifying, and of course, yours truly, no matter how hard I tried to avoid eye contact with the teacher would always have to go! I dreaded it foe weeks ahead and begged my mother not to make me go but she did. I guess she thought she was doing the right thing bearing in mind what she was going through. Maybe subconsciously my mothers problems with this thing rubbed off on me?

LickeyEndBlues
05-11-06, 13:07
"a loving stable childhood sets the foundations for the future"

I don't think anyone would disagree with that Fly. I firmly believe that our early experiences make us who we are and that stays with us throughout.

Of course the continumn of what is a loving stable childhood (LSC) is vast as is the more negative opposite. Each of us will find ourselves somewhere on this and others will view that position based on their own perspective.

I know of people who spoke about LSC and on further conversations discovered that their dad was an oppressive bully and mother fairly weak. I also recognise that on the negative side folks were trying their best but didn't really have all the skills that were needed.

For my part I would say I came from a loving dysfunctional parentage. As kids we were loved but there was no love between my parents and whilst they stayed together I feel it only made matters worse. I firmly believe that the problems I am encoutering now are becuse of my up bringing.

Phew....didn't think I'd be opening that box this morning!!!

Laissez les bon temp roulez

Paddington
05-11-06, 13:33
I believe [at long last]that acceptance isthe key!!Your folks wont change but you can!!You dont have to move away either,just seperate yourself from the past!You cant change it but you can change your future.I had all sorts of problems as a child,they affected all my adult life untill i decided ,no more!I still have issues of course,but by accepting that my parents probably didn't mean to cause me such pain[and even if they did ,how sad are they?}i have somehow risen above the agony that haunted me for so long.Some may say i am simply in denial ,but hey ..what ever gets you thru the night!..So my advise would be..let it go!I waited for' i am sorry 'off my dad and step dad and it never happened..what a waste of my younger years?Dont make the same mistake as i did!Good luck.love mary rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

net
05-11-06, 22:33
i often wonder if i hadnt been abused as a child would i still have all my problems

netty


the dreams of the future are better than the history of the past

Insomniac
07-11-06, 19:28
I have a similar situation. My mum always made me feel that what I did was wrong or just plainly not good enough. I always wanted to be good enough, but always believed I would fail anyway. That's not too positive. We are all opening boxes here! Iain - I think you're right about perspective too.

I know I should try to leave it behind, but still find it difficult even though I'm 35. My relationship with my mum is better now, but still has its moments. I wish I could face her about it but I'm too scared still. I feel she would say it was for my own good, or my fault, or just not true. (Who needs counselling when you can come here, lol) Its what I don't want to talk to a counsellor about in case they belittle me or the situation.

Our childhoods certainly have an effect, but I think our personality affects how we cope as two children in the same family can be very different as adults despite similar situations.





Lisa.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Fly2Freedom
08-11-06, 14:20
Hi thanks for all the replies.
Yes looking into PTSD is a good idea.
I got the courage for a confrontation last year,to get it off my chest.
It was all denied and to this day,Im a liar they say.[V]
So letting go is the only way but being around people who wont say sorry or be honest with you about the past is hard.
Despite all this,its made me a better person,more caring,understanding,genuine and honest.
It taught me not to be like them.
Hope we all can move on and heal the scars.[:X]

Love xFlyx

Fly2Freedom
08-11-06, 17:43
Hi thanks Hiddy you too x
It must be genetic then.
Unfortunately its both for me.

Love xFlyx

Clairey22
05-01-07, 12:01
Hi guys

I think its really difficult to work out whether its a person's upbringing/childhood to blame for personality traits or whether its just in the genes...

I had a stable upbringing, my parents were reliable and caring but i have always felt uncomfortable in interactive social situations (except with good friends) since as far back as I can remember, even at primary school and I have always worried unecessarily about things.

I also have friends who's parent's have split up/passed away and others who have had more difficult childhoods and they don't have any anxiety/depression issues.

So i think the driving 'force' behind personality/mental disorders is genetics but we are also influenced by our experiences and environments and they determine the extent of our problems???

Thats my thought on the matter!he he

Love Clairexx