I've been stiffed by my work colleagues at a meal out

[Sparkle1984]

Last night I went out for a meal at a new Indian restaurant with some of my colleagues. It was for someone's leaving do. It was the first time I'd ever been to this restaurant. There were 15 of us in total.

A few other people and I just had a soft drink. Some of the men just had a pint of beer or two. However, a few other people (including the organiser) down the other end of the table had ordered a couple of bottles of wine to share between themselves.

All I had was a main course and half a pint of orange juice. I assumed that we would all be paying for ourselves, as that's what usually happens when I go out for a meal with a group. So I was surprised when they said we have to split the bill equally, regardless of what we'd had. The bill came to £302 for the 15 of us which worked out to £21 each.

However, today I worked out that I actually had only had £14.45 worth of food and drink (or £16.50 including a tip of just over £2, which is what I'd usually tip).

Even though only about 3 or 4 people actually drank the wine, they expected all of us to subsidise it and they didn't offer to pay extra for it. I remember thinking the bill seemed very expensive, and even one of the men sitting opposite me said it's one of the most expensive curry nights he'd ever been to!

I was shocked that my colleagues would do such a thing, especially as the organiser of the meal is someone I've always got on well with. I was one of the youngest and most junior employees there, so I don't see why I should have to subsidise my senior colleagues. I wouldn't have minded so much if this was a meal out with my friends, but there were quite a few people there who I'd never even met before. (They are probably based in other parts of the country).

The few people who had the wine should have paid for it themselves, otherwise they're effectively stealing from the rest of us. Some of the wine drinkers are people who sit on my row of desks at work and are in my team, so I thought I could trust them. It makes me feel hurt and it also makes me feel like such a mug. I wish I could stand up for myself more. I feel like people always take advantage of me. It also puts me off going out with my colleagues any more.

What does everyone think about this? What can I do to avoid things like this happening in future?

[Fishmanpa]

This sounds like something you would write "Dear Abby" about :) To prevent this from happening in the future, you ask the waitress up front for a separate check from the rest loud enough for all to hear. Easy enough ;)

Good Luck!

[Gotagetthroughthis]

I don't think they have intentionally stiffed you I just think that's how they decided to split the bill on this occasion. Sometimes people pay individually or in pairs or sometimes everyone splits the bill equally. They may have had a cheeky couple of bottles of wine but others could have done the same of they wanted.

You shouldn't feel like a mug, you had to pay a fiver or so extra than what your meal would have come to. Its not the end of the world.

[Sparkle1984]

Thanks, maybe they didn't intentionally set out to stiff me or the others. Maybe they just didn't think to offer to pay extra, or maybe they were too drunk to realise they should have offered to do so! :lol: When I wrote my post, it wasn't so much the amount of money I was worried about, more the principle of it. I had assumed my colleagues were all honest fair people.

I just wasn't sure if I'm overreacting or reading too much into this. But it's one of my core negative beliefs that I'm a mug as I've been taken advantage of so many times in the past, especially when I was younger, and I'm not very assertive.

[nomorepanic]

This happened to me on a work's meal so the next time I made people agree up front to split the food bill but not the drinks and they had to sort the drinks separately

No big deal though and don't hold it against them

[Sparkle1984]

That sounds like a good idea Nicola. I won't hold it against them, it's just not worth it. I'll let it go as I don't need the stress of feeling irritated about it, and I'll put it down to experience.

[nomorepanic]

It did annoy me too cos I was not drinking cos I was driving and they were downing bottles of wine lol

So take the drinks bill away if you can and get that sorted separately

[Greg17]

Hi Sparkle,

I really don't think you have intentionally been taken as a mug either. Whenever I am out for a meal, generally speaking, the bill is split by the number of people who go, so I don think it's that out of the ordinary.

Also, with such a large group, it is unlikely that everyone knows what everyone else is having, so it's likely that the wine drinkers, wrapped up in their own little world and conversations, just assumed everyone was drinking.

It can be very annoying, particularly if you are on a budget, but I am sure nothing about this was deliberate. I hope at least until the bill came, you had had a nice time? :)

Greg

[mikewales]

Generally people split the bill equally as it is so much easier than trying to work out exactly what each person owes, and then people never have the correct change, only notes. Plus for some reason there is always a shortfall once all the money is collected !

It would have taken half the night to work out what everyone owed and get the money sorted out, so just splitting it evenly is so much simpler.

For the sake of a fiver I really wouldn't worry about it.

[HoneyLove]

At our work nights out the bill is always shared between everyone, I thought that was normal when you're in a big group. Sometimes if there's a lot of alcohol involved then you can ask to split it up, no one usually minds if you've not been drinking! Since they're you're work colleagues they'll probably know you and understand :)

Don't feel bad, you weren't taken for a mug, I think this is just a normal way for big groups to sort out bills and maybe you just weren't aware of that. Next time you'll be better prepared and can ask for fairer treatment with the bill :) x

[Edie]

I'm sorry you feel taken advantage of. It was probably the simplest way to split the bill amongst such a large group. I'm glad you're going to let this go, because it does sound to me that they did not intend to treat you unfairly, they simply didn't realise others had had less. But I do understand your frustration, especially when you are on a budget.

[shakey1961]

Next time, if you have enough time, why don't you suggest you organise it, then you can control it.

I'm organising a Xmas meal for the Orchestra I'm in. 40 people going, I've taken £10 deposit from all of them, produced Menu's for them to choose beforehand. They pay the balance when they give their menu choices back to me. I do a list for the restaurant then they know what everyone is having. Settle the costs with the restaurant before the meal and you have no worries.

Then on the night, ALL drinks are down to the individual to buy.

Sounds like a lot of work, but you'll have fun doing it - at least I do.

I've designed allsorts of spread-sheets for it and they work well.

[Iced_diamond]

A very similar thing happened to my boyfriend and me when we went out for a meal with some friends. My boyfriend and I had a soft drink each and a main each (the main being about £10 each), but some of our friends had starters, wine and pudding and then said at the end:"Let's just split the bill". It was hard t argue at the time, but my boyfriend and I ended up paying about £30 more than what we actually consumed. I can understand your frustration, as I was also quite annoyed by this-seems though that this is a rather common thing. I've learned from it though and now always ask to pay separately unless of course I have agreed to treat everyone. I think that this is only fair.

[ankietyjoe]

I really wouldn't be losing any sleep over this tbh.

[Col]

Ahh Hun, I've been in this situation and to be honest I hate nit picking at the end of a good meal and night out.

What I think , if possible is to get hold of a menu for each person and know what u want to order before hand so everyone knows roughly, what they will need to pay & those that want to order wine to buy and split that bill separately.

Be open and suggest this. I hate when someone makes a sweeping statement, like " I know let just split the bill" what the hell? What if someone's only had a bowl of soup compared with someone whose had 3 courses and a stake? Money also....???
X

[Sparkle1984]

A very similar thing happened to my boyfriend and me when we went out for a meal with some friends. My boyfriend and I had a soft drink each and a main each (the main being about £10 each), but some of our friends had starters, wine and pudding and then said at the end:"Let's just split the bill". It was hard t argue at the time, but my boyfriend and I ended up paying about £30 more than what we actually consumed. I can understand your frustration, as I was also quite annoyed by this-seems though that this is a rather common thing. I've learned from it though and now always ask to pay separately unless of course I have agreed to treat everyone. I think that this is only fair.

That's a lot worse than what happened to me! No wonder you were annoyed - I'm surprised you still agreed to pay if there was a £30 discrepancy. The discrepancy in my case pales into comparison, but one of the reasons I started this thread is so I have some ideas of what to do if I'm in this sort of situation again, especially if it's a larger sum of money.

[theharvestmouse]

I'd be furious if this happened to me, some people just like to take advantage in the hope they get away with it.

[Col]

I'd be furious if this happened to me, some people just like to take advantage in the hope they get away with it.

Never thought of it as a deliberate attempt to milk more food and drink , just kind of split bill to make it easier. Gosh that's opened my eyes , infuriating.