Andria24
03-11-13, 12:13
I felt the need to write this, given A) the popularity of this sub-forum and B) because of something someone shared with me and it inspired me to share my thoughts on HA.
HA sufferers exhaust themselves beyond measure searching for answers to illnesses they don't have and yet continuously ignore the one illness that they know that they have - anxiety disorder.
We all talk the talk, we're all going to try X or Y but in the meantime we continue to explore every nook and cranny of our bodies looking for something that's going to kill us off. The irony in all this is the fact that we already have an illness and yet we spend less time on dealing with that because we're so preoccupied with deadly illnesses we imagine that we've got.
Ridiculous, right?
But isn't that the nature of the beast? It's the anxiety itself that causes us to behave/think irrationally. Yes it is. But it doesn't completely strip us of reason. It doesn't mean that we can no longer function as cognitive human beings.
And that's where we're going wrong. The anxiety takes precedence in the wrong way. Instead of focusing on healing ourselves, on healing the anxiety within, we instead focus on feeding the anxiety - and the vicious cycle begins.
I have it. However, I am determined that I'm going to get better. I cannot stand this constant bloody misery, the panic, the fear/s, the nightmare roundabout that I appear to have climbed upon. I want off, and I'm going to get off.
For the record my anxiety (health anxiety) revolves around crap. Literally. My friend died of bowel cancer. It was awful, and he was a great guy. Being unable to equate the whys and wherefores I slowly manifested the sneaking suspicion that I might one day get it.
Then I had a random rectal bleed. Spoke to a mutual friend and she remarked that that was how my now deceased friend had started, and that I should get checked out. Panic stations. DEFCON 1. Doom, gloom, the Apocalypse cometh. I'm not kidding.
Off to the doctors, floods of tears. She had a good poke around (oh yes she did, I wanted to bite a hole in the wall I was facing whilst she rummaged around), insisted I did full bloods to see if anything sneaky and nasty was lurking, the upshot being I'd got piles and that was the problem. However ...
... you know the scenario. I didn't care about the results. I didn't care what the doctor said. Every time (since) Ive had another bleed I've almost puked with fear. Evacuating the pipes slowly became mental torture. One year or more later I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and of course I'm wallowing in fear and loathing like a hippo in a mud hole.
These days I try so damn hard not to worry about it and up until I need the bathroom, I'm fine. Then the nerves start to jangle. The irony? I have IBS and have since ... forever. My worst symptom since the anxiety disorder was diagnosed in September is the fact that when I panic I send a message to my bowels to dump whatever's in the system ASAP. It's awesome how fast I can self-enema, I'm not kidding.
I have a bleed, the adrenalin floods through my system quicker than a flooded aqueduct after a drought and the one thing I can't bear more than anything (pipe evac bathroom visits) is the one thing I simply cannot avoid.
So saying you can imagine what this does to my nerves, my ass and my mental floss.
The above is to give an insight into my little health obsession. To show that I do suffer with it and that yes, I find it debilitating. On the other hand I am dealing with my anxiety. I dislike talking to people about my issues, and I'm not particularly looking forward to divulging just how I got to be in this sorry mess in the first place.
But ... I will heal myself. I am on meds. I have a good doctor. I am very self-aware. I know what I want, and I know what I need to do to get better. And do it I will.
Please know that the best way to handle your health anxiety is to focus on that being the 'thing' that you deal with first and foremost.
Finally ... I don't want to come over as preachy. I know how bloody difficult it is to stay abreast, I really do. But the way for all of us to be better is to do more than tread water whilst looking for sharks - we need to swim back to shore.
And on that note, I hope all of you are having a positive start to your day :)
HA sufferers exhaust themselves beyond measure searching for answers to illnesses they don't have and yet continuously ignore the one illness that they know that they have - anxiety disorder.
We all talk the talk, we're all going to try X or Y but in the meantime we continue to explore every nook and cranny of our bodies looking for something that's going to kill us off. The irony in all this is the fact that we already have an illness and yet we spend less time on dealing with that because we're so preoccupied with deadly illnesses we imagine that we've got.
Ridiculous, right?
But isn't that the nature of the beast? It's the anxiety itself that causes us to behave/think irrationally. Yes it is. But it doesn't completely strip us of reason. It doesn't mean that we can no longer function as cognitive human beings.
And that's where we're going wrong. The anxiety takes precedence in the wrong way. Instead of focusing on healing ourselves, on healing the anxiety within, we instead focus on feeding the anxiety - and the vicious cycle begins.
I have it. However, I am determined that I'm going to get better. I cannot stand this constant bloody misery, the panic, the fear/s, the nightmare roundabout that I appear to have climbed upon. I want off, and I'm going to get off.
For the record my anxiety (health anxiety) revolves around crap. Literally. My friend died of bowel cancer. It was awful, and he was a great guy. Being unable to equate the whys and wherefores I slowly manifested the sneaking suspicion that I might one day get it.
Then I had a random rectal bleed. Spoke to a mutual friend and she remarked that that was how my now deceased friend had started, and that I should get checked out. Panic stations. DEFCON 1. Doom, gloom, the Apocalypse cometh. I'm not kidding.
Off to the doctors, floods of tears. She had a good poke around (oh yes she did, I wanted to bite a hole in the wall I was facing whilst she rummaged around), insisted I did full bloods to see if anything sneaky and nasty was lurking, the upshot being I'd got piles and that was the problem. However ...
... you know the scenario. I didn't care about the results. I didn't care what the doctor said. Every time (since) Ive had another bleed I've almost puked with fear. Evacuating the pipes slowly became mental torture. One year or more later I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and of course I'm wallowing in fear and loathing like a hippo in a mud hole.
These days I try so damn hard not to worry about it and up until I need the bathroom, I'm fine. Then the nerves start to jangle. The irony? I have IBS and have since ... forever. My worst symptom since the anxiety disorder was diagnosed in September is the fact that when I panic I send a message to my bowels to dump whatever's in the system ASAP. It's awesome how fast I can self-enema, I'm not kidding.
I have a bleed, the adrenalin floods through my system quicker than a flooded aqueduct after a drought and the one thing I can't bear more than anything (pipe evac bathroom visits) is the one thing I simply cannot avoid.
So saying you can imagine what this does to my nerves, my ass and my mental floss.
The above is to give an insight into my little health obsession. To show that I do suffer with it and that yes, I find it debilitating. On the other hand I am dealing with my anxiety. I dislike talking to people about my issues, and I'm not particularly looking forward to divulging just how I got to be in this sorry mess in the first place.
But ... I will heal myself. I am on meds. I have a good doctor. I am very self-aware. I know what I want, and I know what I need to do to get better. And do it I will.
Please know that the best way to handle your health anxiety is to focus on that being the 'thing' that you deal with first and foremost.
Finally ... I don't want to come over as preachy. I know how bloody difficult it is to stay abreast, I really do. But the way for all of us to be better is to do more than tread water whilst looking for sharks - we need to swim back to shore.
And on that note, I hope all of you are having a positive start to your day :)